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More pain than I can handle.
by dodgegal at 10/24/2008 2:04:09 AM
I got the phone call on Wednesday morning - the one from the sherrifs office you never want to receive. My business partner of almost 3 years and the love of my life - who i thought i would be with for eternity until a couple of months ago, had quietly committed suicide.
He had called and text me but i was so weary from 2 weeks of constant mind games and so afraid of him that i didn't answer or listen to the voice mail till the next morning after i got the call.
At first i was so relieved because i'd been so afraid, hadn't slept and had become way to familiar with our local police dept over the previous 2 weeks, but then the pain hit and the constant voices rolling over in your head "if you'd only answered the damn phone."
He was tormented inside from years of bad choices though in the last 2 years had made a miraculous turn around and we had a thriving business that he loved dearly, but it consumed us and our relationship suffered which started to shake that new foundation and finally it all crumbled on a county road outside the little town we thought we would grow old in.
I thought he would move on as he always had and i hoped he would get himself together, deal with the demons and i just knew that years down the road our paths would cross again and we could continue the beautiful dance we had started together, but he's gone, that won't happen and i know it will get better but it just doesn't feel like it.
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