Relationship/Dating Advice Ques. for the serious minded

Comments
barbaraajo	12/25/2008 4:30:01 PM Why am I still single?
thebestman	12/25/2008 4:35:35 PM It could be a number of reasons. But I think in your case, it's safe to say that the majority of times, you are running into men that are pretty much self seeking. Now there probably been a couple of instances in which you made a mistake or two, but for the most part, you are meeting guys in which there isn't chemistry for the long term. It's easy to meet people and date, but if both are not on the same page, it's impossible to make a long term connection.
brujacakes2	12/25/2008 4:35:54 PM Aaaaw, did I give you this idea mr? LOL Merry Christmas bestman!
thebestman	12/25/2008 5:00:00 PM No @ Bruja, been contemplating this for sometime now and Merry Christmas to you Bruja. @ Vixenn to be completely honest, you could be meeting some very thirsty men. By that I mean they are overly eager. It could be that they haven't had any in a while. I could be that they are so glad to get a date their hormones are jumping inside out. Too, it could possibly be a certain vibe they are getting from you whether it is in both of your conversations and your demeanor on dates. I'm not saying it is you, but I'm giving you all angles to inform you the best way I can. If it is thirsty men, be proactive.
thebestman	12/25/2008 5:00:14 PM @ Vixenn continued These types of men will show their hunger early and you can make a decision to nip it in the bud and or be upfront and tell them you are not into that in a nice about way. That way you prevent those sexual passes from happening relatively early on.
thebestman	12/25/2008 8:32:58 PM Good quetion Jimmy. I'll first start off by saying many people use the word "Love" loosely. Many use the word out of context and confuse it with Lust. You will know a woman really loves you by her ACTIONS. She will stick by you through thick and thin. She will love you unconditionally and through the good and the bad. You see, you really won't know the true character of a person until there has been some adversity in your relationship.
thebestman	12/25/2008 8:34:56 PM @ Jimmy Continued - Love happens over time. When she sticks with you through thick and thin, really understands you for who you are even your small quirks and CAN HONESTLY SAY, "I love Jimmy just because". You have a woman in love with you. Actions always speak! Anyone can say they are in love, but if there actions don't back it up, all you have is just the word being used loosely
thebestman	12/26/2008 7:45:24 AM @ realdeall No, it is not possible as it is not possible for a man to love two women at the same time. True love is a very powerful entity. Now there are many instances when a person gets caught between two people he/she really, really likes, are attracted to, and or lust after, but not love. Too, one may be in love with one person, but really likes, have strong feelings, or lusts after the other person, but it's not love. One can lust, like, be attracted to, enjoy other things with but loving two at one time, no. True love won't allow it. True love will prevent developing a likeness/feelings for another person if indeed he/she is already in love with their mate.
barbaraajo	12/30/2008 4:55:52 PM Why is it that all the men that I have ever been really serious about are left handed? (and I did not know that until after I fell for them)
missmmeoftheday	12/31/2008 9:29:44 AM What exactly is FWB.... I see that thrown around a lot and really need a definition.... can it develop into something more? How can you tell?
thebestman	12/31/2008 10:36:20 AM @ blackmamaa you pose two important issues: Understand this, men are visual in nature. Many will say looks are not important, but that's not true. So first thing, they must be attracted to you physically. Second, I don't know if you are an outgoing person or not or anything but I will assume the worse just to help you the best way I can. I will say that a woman increases her chances of meeting more men by 1st being approachable, 2nd by targeting places where men frequent i.e. the gym, attend sports bars with your girlfriends, sporting events and even bookstores AND REMEMBER, BE APPROACHABLE. Some women are not approachable. By that I mean, make eye contact, a nice smile, a glance or two.
thebestman	12/31/2008 10:45:15 AM @ Barbara, to be honest, It's the luck of the draw. What an observation! I will say that they are probably left brained, I don't know for sure, but the next time you meet a guy tell them to cross their hands as if they are praying with all fingers bent not straight. If their left thumb crosses their right thumb, they are analytical thinkers. If their right thumb crosses their left thumb, they are pretty much creative free spirited etc. not analytical. Same goes for a man woman.
thebestman	12/31/2008 10:49:18 AM @ missmmeoftheday - FWB = Friend's with benefits. It's a mutual agreed sexual relationship between two people. They are not really looking for anything long term. They are sex buddies. Now they may decide to go to a movie or have dinner once and a while, but pretty much either or goes to the other's home and simply have sex. Not a whole lot of cuddling afterwards. They may talk over the phone sometime to shoot the breeze, but the intent is not to build a relationship.
thebestman	12/31/2008 10:49:36 AM @ missmmeoftheday CONTINUED - It's basically a friend with the benefits of sex. That's it. Ironically more and more woman are becoming comfortable with this type of friendship because it eliminates stress and other negatives they don't like in an ordinary relationship.
anewdawn36	1/5/2009 8:55:16 PM Could you help me understand why two good people who say they are looking for a long term relationship connect,have amazing chemistry everything is outstanding and going really well, they both want to commit to just see each after about four months of dating, but are afraid--WHY?
thebestman	1/5/2009 9:01:20 PM @ anewdawn, it goes to actions and words. Majority of people say they want long term relations, but put them in a situation, we know that doesn't always happen lol. A person can simply string someone along until he/she finds something better. It happens. I'm not saying that happens all the time, but many can attest. All of a sudden, they drop off from the end of the earth. If they are afraid of committing, they are not mentally ready for the long term relationship he/she or they are talking about having...
thebestman	1/5/2009 9:04:44 PM Remember, anyone or couple can talk the talk, but actually going through the motion is another step. On a side note, many people want something good, but many times, they manipulate potentially a good thing by a variety of ways such as playing mental games, empty promises, excuses/rationales for their unbecoming behavior, all talk no action, deceit, analyzing too much and creating things that are not even present and a host of other things. My #1 rule of thumb, actions gotta back up the talk over time. You can tell a lot about a person by their talk and actions.
anewdawn36	1/6/2009 2:15:23 PM Can you explain or expound a little more on the significance of the(2-3) month time period of getting to know the "TRUE" person when it comes to a dating?
thebestman	1/6/2009 2:28:38 PM @ anewdawn, that's an excellent question. You are asking good questions. Many people put on a front when you first date them for a certain period especially on the first date. Unfortunately for some, their best is their worst. Anywho, on average, you will begin to see the REAL PERSON around the 2-3 month period. Why? Because that's when you would have encountered a few debates, a few issues, AND NO ONE CAN REALLY HIDE BEHIND THAT BEAUTIFUL SMOKESCREEN FOR LONG. Many can do a good job for a month, but after that, you tend to see things you never seen or expected.
thebestman	1/6/2009 2:31:59 PM @ newdawn cont, expecially at our age group. Many of life's issues will unveil itself after the 2nd or 3rd month, personally, professionally, and in the short term relation. I rather know early than later. THE PROBLEM MANY LOOK OVER IS THE FACT that the RED FLAGS ARE THEIR, BUT THEY CHOOSE TO IGNORE THOSE FLAGS. Then they complain 1 or 2 years later. The signs were present during the second or third month, many just ignore them thinking things would get better or ultimately would fade away -WRONG. No one is perfect, that's why one has to gauge the situation and see how the other person handle him/herself UNDER ADVERSITY.
thebestman	1/6/2009 2:35:33 PM YOU SEE, it's easy to be good during the good times, BUT THE TRUE TEST OF CHARACTER IS HOW A MATE HANDLES HIM/HHERSELF UNDER ADVERSITY. Not only that, but mainly their overall character will begin to show, if not sooner because some people can't hide it. I've met many women that appeared to be the next best thing since sliced bread during the first week, first date, and first few weeks, but I don't really get excited about a person until after the 2nd or 3rd month and or after some adversity and debates that come up and how they handle those situations. That's when their character shows and will be a strong indicator if we can really compliment each other during good and bad times.
thebestman	1/6/2009 2:36:04 PM Many people get too caught up in the high, that they forget that relations aren't rosy every single day. But if you handle each other with respect and honesty, you can build off that.
lillibet	1/7/2009 1:01:42 AM Oh my well done here I am loving reading peoples posts and your replies...And yes If I have a problem I will come to you...Keep up the great work you really are the Best MAn oxoxxoxoxo
anka1	1/8/2009 9:05:17 AM can you please explain to me... why every guy i meet on datehookup,after couple mails or chat told me he love me?I don't believed them.What you think?
thebestman	1/10/2009 10:46:27 AM @ anka1 - it kind of depends on the type of email the guys are sending. It can range from being flirtatious knowing that love cannot be present if it's the first few emails or so - so they are being friendly with you in hopes of future convo, too needy, they are extremely thirsty for someone, and some it may be that they are too simpish and or weak. Again the context of the emails would depend on which category they fall under.
thebestman	1/27/2009 10:06:25 AM 00
sapphireblue579	2/6/2009 9:05:15 PM I've been writing to a great guy I met on DH. He's living in England right now, but will be moving to the states at the end of this month. He'll be moving in with his brother who lives in Virginia. I haven't actually met him yet...but will on February 21st. He's flying here to meet me and will be staying for at least a couple of weeks...not with me...in a hotel here. I like this man...I mean...i really think it's something special. I know he thinks the same of me...and I believe he may even ask me to marry him. So...my question is...if he asks me when he's here to marry him...would it be completely crazy and foolish for me to say YES...???
thebestman	2/7/2009 9:12:11 AM @ sapphireblue, it won't be completely crazy or foolish because you are at an euphoric stage right now. many have been in that situation before. however, my spidey senses say, you shouldn't. after all, one meeting albeit the first day or within the 2 weeks is way too early to commit and say yes. you really don't know him yet. you might meet and find out he isn't what you thought he was.
thebestman	2/7/2009 9:14:34 AM @ sapphireblue cont'd and vice versa. you may find some bad habits he may have. not to say this will happen, but you never know until you actually meet and hang around each other for a while and go through a few debates. you don't find out one's character until there's some adversity. anyone can be happy and jolly when everything is going well and or their way. saying yes this early would be a big mistake in my opinion. enjoy the ride, keep an even keel, and see how things progress if they should...