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2009 New Year's Wishes sent to Heaven by eggharborfly at 12/31/2008 6:10:47 PM Dear Jeff, I am sending these wishes to you above. I know I am a** for believing that you would somehow get them or see me writing these silly blogs to you, but somehow it makes it easier for me to believe that I can still talk with you. Again, your death was a shock to me. A shock that I still have not come to grips with. Christmas was not the same. Hell, we never even put the balls on the tree, but at least got it standing with some garland for Davy's presents to go underneath. No call from you and of course, I did not get to see you. I got passed Christmas and was once again struck with the reality that you are gone when my birthday came and I did nothing but spend it alone, crying about this whole situation as I am not writing to you again. Our birthday plans were ruined and now I am supposed to celebrate the New Year to come? Celebrate what? The New Year without you? BULLSHIT. This just is NOT right. I do not know how to celebrate shit anymore and quite frankly it is YOUR FAULT. You are supposed to be here. You are supposed to be with ME. What the hell are you doing? I am so mad that I am once again struck with the reality that YOU ARE GONE! I keep trying to believe it is not so, but I am reminded constantly that it is the truth. YOU LEFT ME! Here is what I wish. Could you please just one last time let me see you...find Heaven's windows and look through them and I will look up at you. Just give me one more glimpse please. Could you please just one last time let me hear you? Speak to me through prayer. Just say something, anything, I need to hear you. You never even said goodbye so do me that favor and at least do that! Could you please let me just feel you one more time? Can't you surround me with your presence and let me know you are not completely gone. I need to know that. This is destroying me. Jeff, you got to do something or I won't be okay. Please for 2009 come back to me any way that you can. I love you and miss you, but I will tell you that I am royal pissed at you also. I never knew anyone could cry so much for so long and had so many tears. I have filled pools with my tears. I have begged you in everyway. I have pleaded with God. I give up. It is your turn. Make it right!

Comments
wearp1	12/31/2008 6:22:39 PM egg my friend my thoughts and prayers are with you always may you find peace joy and love in these troubled times, I am here if you need to talk. Barry
cinthianna	12/31/2008 10:07:24 PM I've never read a blog on this site and somehow I was just messing around and got to yours...I honestly feel like I am invading your privacy and looking back into a mirror at the same time...The point of my comment is to tell you that I have been there. I don't know the circumstances of what happened in your case but I know every feeling and emotion that was written in your blog... I'm not just one more person telling you they understand how you feel and everything is going to be ok...I think it is safe to say we both know that is a load of crap...anyway, Email me if you would like...I can't change anything but I can "listen" and share...
bestdadntexas	1/1/2009 10:03:12 AM You will always be in my prays! In time God will give you a great comforter that can and will replace the emptiness you feel.
eggharborfly	1/3/2009 9:24:43 AM Thank you all. I write these blogs thinking that somehow Jeff will see them or get them. I know it is stupid to think that way, but it is how I am dealing with it so I do appreciate all of your kind comments.
stringsvrs	1/3/2009 2:41:39 PM Darling, open the ears of your heart and hear Jeff speak to you through the child(ren) the two of you have created. Feel his embrace when you embrace the child(ren). What the two of you created is an extension of one another for this purpose. Reflect upon those things that you both enjoyed together and inhale the beauty of one another. Had you transcended before Jeff, he too would have to rely upon these same conditions to ease the ache of physical oneness. May the numbing ache of your soul ease in its agony, that you may rejoice in the Love that you both have grown to know, knowing that it will too live on eternally. Peace and Love
wvtravlr	1/12/2009 11:04:17 PM
wvtravlr	1/12/2009 11:05:54 PM God luv dear...
eggharborfly	1/25/2009 3:48:47 PM Thank you all for your comments and support!