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My blog...
by zipperlynn at 4/20/2009 9:44:31 PM
Edit 6/11:
My dearest friend had a stroke last night. Her granddaughter was with me at the time and we were trying to figure out how to make my scanner work. They live... well... like 2 houses away. So, when the ambulance showed up over there...
They rushed her to the hospital, found out it was a clot type of stroke. Gave her quick blood thinners... and then she started bleeding in her brain. I babysat last night, and didn't sleep much.
So, today, since I work at the hospital, I go to visit her in ICU during my break. She is a sleeping vegetable. This afternoon a bed opened up at a hospital that has a neurologist, so she was transferred there. She now has a stent in her brain.
I am fairly medically intelligent. I know the most likely outcome is human vegetable at this point. I also know the family members are not at a stage where they are able to hear this. Well, one family member I was able to talk with a little about the small percentage possibilities of a positive outcome.
I guess I am just... crying a lot today. And, since this blog has turned into my diary... well, I'm writing about this too. I am losing a very dear friend.
Edit 5/26:
Well, I was, in a way, asked to get married today. This gentleman I met a couple weeks ago, asked me through email. He's traveling through the U.S. and actually lives in Germany. We really hit it off. We only spent about 16 hours together, but, it was like hanging out with your best friend. In my own way, I told him no. We had already had the relationship discussion, and since he is quite a bit younger than me, and lives on the other side of the planet, we decided email friends would be best. I never thought he would ask me to marry him!
I'm going white water rafting with my Sunday School group tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to it. I might even add a few pictures to the site - the kind where the woman doesn't wear any make up! And, a baseball hat.
Edit 5/23:
I started a forum that is working!!! I think I have 12 comments on it so far. That is sooo cool! I mean, I don't like to start threads that die after no comments - that is just unpopular.
Oh, and it's on WWII stuff! And, it's taking off! On a dating site! I'm not the only weird one.
Edit 5/15:
So, I'm thinking about changing my profile to "not dating" again.
Do we really want to deal with someone else's personality quirks? I'm referring to traits beyond leaving the toilet seat up here folks. I'm talking about low self esteem, placing expectations on other's, assumptions.
Maybe it's because I'm adjusting to the independence of being single, or should I say adjusted - as in past tense. I do what I want when I want. And, answer to nobody. (Except during the work day.) I don't have to defend myself, or what I do. I can be insanely indecisive, and change my mind every other minute because that is what I am used to doing. I've perfected it over a few years here.
Maybe, at this stage in my life, I should be single. I'm damn good at it. For once, I am making myself first. And, ya know what, I've never done this before, I like it. If I want a pomegranite, lemon drop martini on a Thursday at 8:00, well, I just throw on my shoes and go. If I choose to change plans with someone, well, that is putting myself first. That is what single is all about. I don't want to live up to the expectations of other's, I want to do what is best for me. Only I know what that is, not someone else.
Yes, an indecisive, selfish person, which I might very well be, does affect other's. But, am I responsible for another persons emotions? No. Is a person allowed to have boundaries? Yes. And, I am learning what boundaries actually means. I've never been very good at them before. I am not responsible for another's actions or response. I am only responsible for doing what is best for me.
I think what is best for me right now, is peace and quiet. It was a bad day at work, the Joint Commission made a unannounced visit, then a surgeon decided to be himself. Maybe I have enough stress in my life, without throwing the quirks of a mate into it.
Well, that's just my thoughts for the evening. Take care ya'all. I think I had better change my profile, again.
Edit: 5/5:
I had my Life Skills class tonight. It was one of those really heavy sessions. Oh, what's Life Skills? It's a 3 hour class every Tuesday for about 6 months where you learn to be a better person. How to set boundaries, how to overcome past pain, etc. Seeing the difficulties in other's lifes if very touching. The class isn't even half way over with and I already love these women so much. We are a closer group of people than my family ever was. God has really blessed me by bringing these angels into my life.
Appreciate the simple things, they bring peace to the soul.
Edit: 5/1:
It's raining outside. The neighbors have a tin roof over their patio. The tinging has got to be one of the most peaceful sounds ever! So peaceful. Reminds me of Minnesota. Oh, I lived there till I was 30, then moved to California. The storms were a lot better there, but, the emotional result of this gentle rain is the same.
Peace ya'all!
-Zipper Lynn
Back to 4/20 blog:
I don't really like the word "blog." Maybe it doesn't have enough syllables? Maybe it sounds too gutteral?
In an introspective mood tonight, and decided an on-line, diary? thoughts? would be nice to write.
Life has been a wee bit of a roller coaster lately. You ever want what you can't have? Sucks, doesn't it?
Nothing else, every experience in life is a lesson to be learned.
Okay, well, that's my "thoughts" for the time being.
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