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A Time For Healing by claudius5 at 10/14/2009 9:14:24 AM This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions. When our emotions are involved especially when we feel that our feelings have been disregarded we don't always respond in ways that define who we are as a person. I will be the first to admit that I have not handled it in a way that left us both intact. All I was feeling was the pain that I felt. I have replayed in my head everything that has transpired and know in my heart that she did not hurt me with malice. The pain was from feeling that she was thoughtless with my feelings and that pain can hurt worse. I offer that as no excuse and I am accountable for my actions. We have both been hurtful to each other and in order for both of us to heal we need to stop. We can't erase the yesterdays, but the future is in front of us. But, if there is anything that can be learned is that we both failed each other. If we each truly look within ourselves we know that in our hesitancy, in each of us trying not to be hurt or rejected, we missed on an opportunity to see if there was an us. In reality, we are the only ones who know the truth and maybe we don’t want to see the truth through the other person’s eyes for fear it will diminish what we think of ourselves. While I was comfortable with myself, it did not mean I did not want companionship, it meant that I had no angst with spending time with myself and enjoying my own company. I also did not close the door to a long-term relationship. As she posted in her blog, we were good together, we thought alike, we had been through some of the same types of experiences, our philosophies were alike and we laughed a lot. I did cherish her, as she cherished me. In my heart I did care. We all have different ways of showing someone we care about them and sometimes our expectations of how we want to be cared for make us blind to the other ways of caring. Their significance is diminished when we try to compare them Just for the record, even as she might not think so, there was never any sense of entitlement over her feelings of what she wanted for herself; only the wish that she had been more thoughtful of my feelings. I never said she was a bad person, in fact she is a very giving person and that is what we recognized in each other. What has happened has happened and we are both moving on with our lives.

Comments
msbevzie	10/14/2009 9:26:22 AM I care about both of YOU, and I've already shared this...when we hurt sometimes we react in ways unbecoming of us, and want to lash out. Admitting our wrongs is always good, if the other person accepts that is another...BUT know you both have tried, and now it's time to move forward!
claudius5 online now!	10/14/2009 9:41:31 AM It is not whether the other person accepts it or not, it is about bringing some closure to something that was very painful to me and recognizing my own inadequacies and returning to the person I know myself to be. Feelings are part and parcel of the human equation and no matter how logical and rational we want to be, we fall short. It doesn't excuse it. Thanks for caring.
justgottalaugh	10/14/2009 4:07:21 PM Good for you! Looking inside ourselves and being honest is the beginning. I wish you the best in finding peace.
jennyann71	10/14/2009 4:40:51 PM We learn so many lessons along Life's Hwy. Good Luck and happy days ahead.
60classylady	10/14/2009 7:52:01 PM Time will heal. You must now move on and if you are really looking for a real relationship, then you need to admit this to yourself. It you are truly comfortable and not really looking for a long term relationship, than you need admit this to yourself. So before you can be honest with anyone, you must first be honest with yourself. You are a good person, and I am sure that if you look deep within your self, then you will figure, that the relationship was really not meant to be. It it was, nothing would have stopped it from happening.
muttmomma	10/15/2009 7:22:14 AM It seems as though you have faced some truths and your healing process has begun. Peace to you.
altje	10/15/2009 8:05:44 AM Good thread and good comments. Peace and Love to all. Altje
lovethelake17	10/15/2009 4:15:05 PM Claudius, you are on the right path, and will be fine. You know, you live and you learn. And you take those hard lessons, the ones you never wanted to learn, and find that they make you a better person.
surrealone	10/15/2009 8:51:26 PM Man up and let time do its work from here on. You fall, you skin your knee, you fret over the blood, and when the scab forms you don't think much about it, anymore ... but from time to time you might pick at it. Nature offers us many such lessons as examples. Time to heed them... and move on.
goddess56	10/16/2009 3:36:19 PM You know now that hurting you was never my intention. You know also that I will always cherish you as a dear, good and sweet man with more than a modicum of intellect. Peace, love and a cheezburger, Claudius...
grits03	10/16/2009 11:41:00 PM Claudius, you have made the biggest step forward - forgiveness. You are one special guy, there's no doubt in my mind. Somebody better will come along, you'll see. Maybe that's why it happened that way.
wolfmanart	10/17/2009 8:17:33 AM My friend you are on your way to recovery and the fact you are writing about it is healing. Many find it helpful to write it on paper and burn it. Something about it helps put closure to it. You are a good man with a lot to offer and a new special someone will be there when the timing is right.
iamaperson	10/18/2009 11:51:11 AM You walk...you talk...you fall down...you get up...life goes on. Someone once said that to me at one of the lowest points in my life and for some reason it had a very profound impact on me. Your a great guy Claudius and I hope you find some deserving lady to share your intelligence/integrity/love with. Good luck.
windy_linda	10/18/2009 12:32:38 PM You are in my prayers