People I Hate: Volume 1,000 PART ONE
by dougiem at 12/11/2009 9:39:21 AM
I just reached the conclusion that I really don't like anybody. Okay, that's not entirely true, but it's pretty close. There are a few people I like, but believe me when I say that those people are increasingly few and far between.
I'd like to take a moment or two to expound on a few reasons I'm disenchanted with today's society. I'll only list a few, because to list them all would take a few years.
First of all, what the f**k is up with America's educational system? I made the mistake of browsing MySpace earlier, not something I'd typically do, and not something I'll likely be doing again anytime soon since what I found scared the shit out of me so badly that I might need to undergo years of therapy. I learned today, judging by the various profiles I randomly visited, that at least 95% of all MySpace users might in fact be medically retarded. As in, born missing a chromosome or two. Missing some vital piece of DNA, leaving their genetic structure incomplete and ergo making it impossible for them to ever form a coherent sentence.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming to be some literary genius, but is it really that f**king hard to write articulately? Is it that complicated to, I dunno', proofread your f**king work before you publish it on the internet for the entire world to see? The following is taken directly from a profile I found earlier. I had to read it a few times to even make sense of it. Again I reiterate that this is real, and taken from an actual profile:
Will lets see theres a lot about me that people that dont know about me. I am crazy when it comes to fun I love to praty but try not to praty to much. I all so work at a day care for kids with needs and i really love it there the kids are cute and people who work there are soo kind. I love hot topic and place's like that and I love to make movies and stuff like thati love to hang out with my friends and I can go on and on about me peolpe say I look like the girl in buffy the one who plays willow Allyson Hannigan thats her name lol is and how can I look like her idk I thinks shes way older then me what ever. What I look like becuase every one on here wants to know so heres what I look like. I have red long hair brown/green eyes. im 5'7 tall if thats not right kill me no im just playing im 119 of whats left of me jk and im size 2 in women or any thing i guess. I love to meet new people I love to talk about any thing even if not about me lol. I hate my real dad and mom they can go to hell i realyy dont know if i can say that on here but who give people on here don't know them. love my brother jon hes not my real brother if people want to know that. I was adopted by a women named ravn R.I.P she died on July 2 2006. Hope her kids Jon,Benji and Ailly are doing ok i love you guys. Will back about me will i think thats it so ya if wanna know more e mail me @ XXXXXX@[blocked] and i made this e mail when i was 16 years old so dont make fun of me. And im not a 40 or 66 year old guy that is look for some kid to do stff with ok that would be really really really really really again with the really sick. I am a girl or should i say women sinec im 18. But im not a guy ok and i would never be. Ok bye and talk to who ever is reading this laterz if you added me. And im lookong for the some one yes i mean i boyfriend i want a men thats funny that can keep me laughing in till im old and dieing i need a man who loves kids thats a turn on and whos funny yes im saying that again and some who dosent get mad easily. Thats what i look for in a men.
The actual profile was even longer than that, but I didn't bother posting the entire thing because that right there should be enough to prove my point. Upon reading that train wreck of a profile, one might conclude that the author was either a little kid, mentally handicapped, or blind. Shockingly, it's neither of those things as the wordsmith behind this masterpiece claimed to be 19-years-old. At that age, if you don't know how to write properly, or at least somewhat properly, you should probably be taken behind a barn and shot.
At this point I feel the need to add that the person who wrote that mess was in fact female, and they were in fact pretty f**king hot. So, I guess that explains that one. Who needs brains when you've got beauty, right? It's nearly impossible to find somebody with a decent balance of both. Either you're ugly and smart, or you're hot and borderline retarded. While attractive, intelligent people do exist, they're about as rare as a clean-shaven Mexican.
The sad thing is that profile isn't even the worst of what I've seen. This one right here might take the cake:
!!ATTENTION!! JUS WNT 2 LET YA'LL KNW AS OF APRIL 24, 2008 UR GIRLZ CRIB BURED DOWN, SO DUE 2 DAT UR GIRL WIL NOT B DOIN ANY SHOOTS/ON MYSPACE 4 DA TIME BEIN! 2 ALL MY MYSPACE BABIES N SOON 2B 1S, I WIL B BACK N BADDA DEN EVA! LUV YA'LL MUAH XOXO :.)
That's pretty bad, right there. Shit like that just begs the question, "Did any of these people go to school?" I mean, seriously, I find it hard to believe today's society could be so poorly educated, but evidently it is. I always get a kick out of the replies I get from people who write like morons. They're all so quick to tell me, every single one I've asked (and there have been a lot), that they only type like that online. If this isn't the biggest load of horse shit; I don't know what is. Why the f**k would you want to make yourself look retarded for the entire world to see? I mean, come on, people. The internet is global you stupid f**k shafts, so when you publish something online, everyone in the world can see your stupidity. It's one thing to write like a dumbass on a Post-It note in the privacy of your own home, but to type like you just got hit in the back of the head with a shovel and then publish it online is a whole other story.
Because there's a 7,500 character limit on blogs here, I'll have to break this rant up into two parts. Believe me, I'm not done...
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