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Really Rough Past Couple Weeks.....
by lil_hot_cheeto at 4/12/2010 8:51:37 AM
So I had this group of friends (kind of) in Lancaster.. and I've been hanging out with them since December. Well I got in a fight with the main guy.. and I guess we're not speaking anymore. He f**ked up, but he seems to think he's the victim. So anyway.. now I'm pretty much back to having no friends, again. Pretty depressing.
I guess that put me back in this slump... where I have trouble dragging my a** outta bed. I haven't been like this in a while, it really sucks. =(
So then.. my dad kicks my sister out, and she moves back in with me and my mom. Literally the day before my 24th birthday! Me and my sister can't stand each other.. having her here makes me tense constantly.
So then me and my sister get in a huge fight. She actually had the nerve to call me a c*nt. And I told her I hope she dies. My birthday dinner was Saturday. It was supposed to be lunch, and hanging out with my sister and my only friend. Instead it turned into dinner, just my friend and my mom. It went pretty well except for this one bad part with my mom.
One hilarious moment.. I was driving my friend Nathan back home.. and he told me about him listening to the voicemail I left him the night before. (see.. I thought he was out with my wh*re of a sister, partying, without having invited me, ON MY BIRTHDAY.. so I left him a nasty voicemail) So he says he forgot who he was with, and he listened to it on speaker phone.. and the girl he was with was like "Who is that?".. and hes like "My friend"... and she's like "Why is she telling you to eat shit and die?"... hahahaa!! F**king hilarious. I laughed so f**king hard my eyes watered. And he tells her "That's just how she is.. I would never put up with that from anybody else".. Lol. And then he told me "Because I know how crayz you are.. and I just shrug it off". =) Man.. I love Nathan. Oh something I realized.. Nathan is one of VERY few people I have known in my life who doesn't f**k with me.. he doesn't take advantage of how I react and mess with my head or make me freak out.. like my sister does. She had me thinking he was with her. She did it on purpose, because she knew I would fall for it. Man, I'm such a moron. I don't need people like that in my life.. but sadly, she's my f**king sister. And now, she lives with me, again.
Anyway, so I (very stupidly) had high hopes for my birthday this year. I thought I would be up in Lancaster at some point during my birthday weekend... possibly even for a small party for my birthday. I also thought I might be going to AdultCon on my actual birthday (Friday), with a guy from CL. That didn't pan out either.
And then a couple hours ago.. I click on my ex's new gfs profile on a dating site... and it says she's engaged. Wtf? Her Facebook has a picture of her and my ex. So she's obviously engaged to him. I am so f**king shocked. Me and him had promise rings for a year.. we f**king lived together for 8 months. We were together 2 years! They have only known each other for 9 months! Not to mention... he swore that he would never even consider getting engaged until he finishes school (which won't be for at least another year). What the f**k?? Me and him had plans to get engaged when he was done with school.
Needless to say... I am devastated. Well maybe it does need to be said. Because I think maybe he was "the one"... and I definitely shouldn't have let him get away. I guess I can probably eventually find someone better for me.. but I can't even stand thinking about when that will be. We were so good together. And I keep thinking whats wrong with me? Why her, and not me? What does she have that I don't? How can he have loved me and act now like I don't even exist?
How much can a person take? What else could possibly go wrong? Geezus f**king christ.
I am so sick of this shit. It feels like I'm being punished. I don't get it. I know I'm difficult, but dammit I'm a good person. Doesn't that count for anything? I want to believe in karma, but f**k.. if karma existed, I would be in a much better situation right now.
I need a rich boyfriend to come and sweep my off my feet.. support me until I can find a job I love... move me far away from this area.. away from all this shit. I hate being alone.
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