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yo necessito un amor?
by pennylayne25 at 4/22/2010 12:35:44 PM
I have to wonder sometimes about myself.
Do you think, as humans, that we are predisposed to make bad decisions or is that a learned behavior? because if so, i am the best damn pupil there is.
It goes without saying that I attract whats worse for me... i mean come on.......
if i were to list examples we could be here all night.
I am really genuinely interested in the human nature and it's anomalies. For instance, i dont understand, AT ALL, why i feel the intense notion to find someone to be with. it honestly is not an ACTIVE priority. it isn't ANY fun, its hard to do by myself, and i truly don't need anyone at all. im pretty self sufficient.
but then there is the natural desire to find someone to BE with. its so uncontrollable that I don't even notice that Im doing it but I do. everyday. it feels like im trying to force it even though it is something that lives in the very back of my mind.
bizarre.
do you know why they call it "be" ing together?
because you should be able to find someone that you can just EXIST harmoniously with. "be" is a synonym for "exist".
and since existing is a necessity for life (for obvious reasons) maybe thats why we all feel the need to be in love.
because if existing is necessary, then so is being, then so is finding someone to BE with you.
thats what bums me out. i have truly tried everything I can to maintain relationships, without settling for less than I deserve, and it just aint working.
and the worst part is that I dont even feel like it! i cant think of ONE good thing about being with someone right now other than not having to sleep around so much (joke) and filling this ABSOLUTELY USELESS void in the pits of my lonely soul.
i like to think that my soulmate is already taken. or he lives somewhere in asia (cause we all know I will never find myself there) or maybe he died.
we only get one ya know. lots of people find someone to be with for a while but only a special few find the one that fits them perfectly. you meet couples sometimes that just seem like they have such a good time together. thats the key, those who play together stay together.
now im just rambling...
sorry to have bored you all to death
(*laughs at myself for pretending like I have a following*)
i know this sounds depressing, but im really not depressed. my soul is just crying because I truly don't know what to do with my time to occupy the part of me that is so extremely lonely.
i have pets and hobbies and video games and movies and stuff to do. but I would trade it all for a blank room in which I just felt good... ugh... that sounded a little emo HAHA....
whatever...when i was young we called it goth and that was wayyy cooler and ten times less whiny. 
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