|
|
|
Back To Blog Entries
|
scared
by chellybgirl at 9/21/2010 7:18:02 PM
I am so confused. I don’t know which way is up or down. I tried to shift my focus and ignore it but it found a way to get to me. I can’t avoid it any longer. The more I avoid it the worse it becomes. People’s feelings are involved now. I have to face it but I’m not prepared. The irony of it all is at one time I wanted to confront me. I craved its attention. But as time went on I learned how to live without it. Now it wants to rear its beautiful head in a point in my life I am satisfied. We both know my life is better with it but I’m not looking forward to the side effects. I would really rather not deal with the drama, deceit, pain, and defeat that may accompany it. I am strong but do I have to test it but putting myself into this situation? I don’t want to give myself to a person to have them not appreciate me. I don’t want to fall for a person who may not catch me. Why give my all to a person to only find out that it’s not enough? Why give my heart to someone to only have it crushed? Why let down my guard to only be fooled by an enemy dressed as love? I do want to feel protected, content, important, LOVED even. But what if I have been hurt so much that I am incapable of being loved? What if my purpose is to give love...real love like it’s supposed to be given and never get it back? Not my idea for my life but that's where it seems like its going. I don’t think its fair a guy should come along and pay for the mistakes of others. But it’s getting harder and harder to trust. Men are lovers of themselves so where does that leave me? I know there are some good ones out there but it’s hard to tell them from the rest. The wolves are becoming masters of disguise and they often seem good at first until they reveal their true colors. This is why it’s hard for me to let someone love me. I just want to be sure I’m not being fooled. I’d rather not put my heart thru anymore pain. I guess I can say I’m scared.......
|
|
|
|
 |