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To you only and all of you as well.
by blyndndef at 11/16/2010 3:38:25 PM
To you only and all of you:
Well I can't be anything less then what I am. I live in my Rv at a friends hotrod shop, Im retired and still work three jobs under the table, to keep a traveling lifestyle that I love. No pity asked for, but I'm visually impaired yes, but that doesn't mean i can't see goodness in life, I'm not blind. I do wear a hearing aide yes, that's true. But I can still hear the whisper of the wind and the song that it carries. I am not anything but who I am. What you see is me. My words my thoughts, my foot in mouth as always. I enjoy making friends and meeting new people, and learning new lifestyles. When someone fascinates me, for whatever reason, or has a knowledge of things that elude me, I love to learn. When I hear something I never heard before I want to hear it again.
I am not a emotionally unstable person. My writing brings forth my emotions and reflects them. It's a gift that sometimes curses me. I don't know short and too the point. Texting, emails, etc are emotionless means of communication. So I try my hardest to convey my feelings and meanings thru words. Words are mere symbols. Scratches on the wall since the dawn of time. Yet translated to thoughts and feelings, they convey a message of hope. They give meaning to the dreams we so often seek. I'm not a educated man by any means. I graduated high school yes, and have had some college. Most of my life education has come from life's lessons themselves. Lesson of which that have taken keys and hidden them away. Keys to places I only wish I could go once more. But alas those doors are long gone to me so those keys no longer have purpose.
You may see me as someone who is rather wierd. I''m not really. I'm just a hopelessly lost cause. My dreams and desires are no more then simple pleasure. To stand on a mountian, over looking a lake, watching as a hawk glides effortlessly across the sky. To stand there and hold the hand of someone special, someone true. Simple dreams and simple pleasures. To awake and watch the sunrise, and make the morning meal while my family still sleeps. To have that family. To watch them sleep. It is something I lost. Something I never really had. A sense of belonging. The term emnotional orphan was related to me a few years ago. It was used in a sense that I long for the family life yet never really had it to know what it was. Yes I have a wonderful family, parents who care, brothers I love. Yet They are lost to me. From upon the rocks of ruin they look down on me as if I have lost in life. Why because I am not married, don't have children, Because I'm 36 and walked away from a very successful bussiness that I loved, in order to see what I can while I can. Because I dared voice my opinions about thier greed and plundering within thier own chest of treasures. They have thier families now. I am just not a part of that anymore. I never really was. No regrets right. I love them all, and always will. I would die for any of them. But yet it is impossible for me to enjoy a simple cup of coffee as an equal. That is what I seek, my equal. Someone who is besides me, not behind me, below me or above me. Infront of across from or underneath me. My equal, beside me.I talk of family values I talk of family pride. It is all a dream to me.
For all I want is to see the world thru other eyes. To sit and hear how someone else percieves the sky. To sit and hear the waves crashing on the shore thru someone elses words. To hear a cricket chirp in someone elses ears. To share those moments, to dream those dreams. I am not unlike any others, yet I am unique. I sit and write this to no one really. just rambling thoughts that I hope conveys the message. Yes I talked to you, and yes I shared moments with you that I am not proud. Yes I want to know much more about you. Meet for coffee, even if it means flying across the country, then so be it. Better be good coffee tho. Lol. I am not afraid of your past or your future. My goals are simple. To learn and dare to dream. Learn and dare to dream.
There comes a time in ones life when things just make sense. And there is a time when things make no sense at all. But what makes sense, is sharing thoughts, communicating needs. What makes no sense is illusions, broken thoughts, and string along ponies. I am not talking in code. I mean it as it is said. See I am right upfront. I am not afraid to speak whats on my mind. Let me get to know you. Let me learn about you. If you live somewhere I haven't been I will research it and see what it is like. I will access your historical society and see it's fame. I will study your people and your traditions. Be you Scottish or be you Welsh. Be you American or be you Russian. African American or American Indian. If I haven't heard of you I will look you up and learn your ways. That's just me. I cannot sit by and leave things to wonder. I crave information and learning. Teach me how to make a native pottery or teach my to write your words. This doesn't mean Im asking you to be anything. I am just looking to learn. Broaden my horizons. Expand my knowledge.
Teach me how to be humble. Even tho I already am. Teach me not to be shy, even tho I am not. Teach me to smile, even tho I already have one. But most of all, teach me to learn. Learn about me, for I do not know. Teach me to learn about you, even tho we may never meet. Teach me to live even tho I breathe. Teach me to love, as if I have no heart. Teach me to listen, even tho I have help. Teach me to see, your eyes are better then mine.
I sit and write this, wondering what you are thinking. But that really doesn't matter. I worry more about whether you will read it. I wonder if you will understand it. I wonder if you will take it to heart and understand me. I can not be any less then what I am. But I can be more.
Your friend truly;
BlyndnDef
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