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♠Better off friends...♠
by wutupfoo at 12/10/2010 7:35:18 PM
(Listening to Underjoyed - Jack Off Jill)
Just wanted to talk about some shit. It has been a while since I've gotten some things off my chest. I'm not really the kind of person to talk to anyone about anything in my life that is bothering me. I am not planning on starting anytime soon. For anyone who reads this, consider it my way of "venting". For those that offer some form of advice or other, I am guaranteed to appreciate it. For those that just read, and do not comment, I appreciate being able to confide in you.
(Listening to New Low - Middle Class Rut)
First thing's first. Ex's... My last relationship was with a woman that I was ridiculously great friends with. While I feel that really knowing a person, sets a solid foundation for a long lasting love encounter, I must say I am completely disappointed in the way things turn out. She has a child. When we began dating, he was nearly 4 months old. I fell harder for Bentley than I ever would have for her, or any other woman walking the face of this earth. I did everything in my power to provide for this child, and raise him comfortably. I did way more for him than his father ever thought of doing. I bought formula, I took him to appointments, I crawled out of a warm bed with a half naked gorgeous woman in it, to hold, feed, and comfort a crying baby. I would stay up with him for hours on end, fighting my own fatigue, out of will power of nothing but SHEER F**KING LOVE of him. I changed his diapers, I fed him, I played with him, I made his bottles.
(Listening to Wake Up Exhausted (Live) - Alkaline Trio) For two months, I had the joy of the most comfortable relationship, with the most amazing woman I've known. We turned nearly a 3 year, close and very intimate friendship into something truly amazing.
Then things turned sour. We were both going through different chapters in our lives, and our stories were not written to include each other. We went our seperate ways. To this day, I am no longer in love with her. But I do miss Bentley more than words have been created for. Now I know what Un-conditional love means. It has been 10 months since I places my last kiss on her lips, or felt the smoothness and warmth of her skin under my body. It has also been as long since I've gotten to hold the child that still to this day, holds my heart. To hear his giggle, to watch him fall asleep in the crook of my arm. To this day, I still wake up in the middle of the night from time to time, thinking I've heard his cries.
Last month, I mistakenly re-involved myself with an ex.
(Listening to Special K - Placebo) Her name is Sara, and that is all you need to know about her. We dated when I was 19. 4 years ago. We had a hostile breakup, and hadn't talked for over 3 years. Last month, we started talking again after she added me on that devil site that calls itself Facebook. We spent the evening before thankgiving together. She kept acting awkward. I for the life of me, couldn't figure out why. Pabst Blue Ribbon, and ex girlfriends don't mix. I ended up staying the night with her. We kissed, which turned to embracing each other tightly, which turned to kisses on the neck, then hands under shirts lifting them off. From there, we went to undoing pants which inevitably led to us f**king. The sex was as explosive as it had always been between us. I awoke the following morning, naked, with my ex still in my arms. Since then, I have had to deal with the guilt when she calls me babe. I am not the kind of guy that re-fries relationships. I believe that yes, people do change, however once proven to be incompatible, you will always be incompatible.
(Listening to Once Again - Slick Shoes) For me, I am not going to waste time on the false belief that even though our relationship was shit before, it will be gold now. We are two different people. Just like anyone else. However, we didn't know how to make our differences work together, and still be happy at the same time. I still believe that we don't posess this ability now. Sometimes, there is truth in the saying "Better off friends." Both these cases above are prime examples. If I had just stayed friends with Morgan, we would still be close, and I would still have Bentley in my life.
(Listening to Hurt - Johnny Cash) Sara and I were not successfull as lovers in the past. I have a hard time believing that we will be again.
That is about all I have to say on that subject matter. Thanks for reading.
F**k That Word,
-Christoph
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