Sex before marriage...?

5/31/2008 2:46:42 PM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	Greetings, Please no haters...I just need to get some feedback if you all don't mind sharing. I have chosen to remain celibate and that seems to be a BIG issue for most of the men I have met ..Would some of you guys be so kind and inform me of why SEX is so important ..I've seen so many relations end because of ppl getting involved to soon sexualy. A lot of hurt, bitterness, and emotional stress involved. God only knows what else. So please be so kind and share your thoughts without criticizing me for what I decided to do with my life. Thanks You! Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
5/31/2008 2:51:00 PM	Sex before marriage...?
ajlanthony2 Atlanta, GA age: 31	I really don't know. I think we really like the act of sex because it feels good to the body, but we wish we could do without the responsibilities that come with it.
5/31/2008 3:04:22 PM	Sex before marriage...?
beu24 Virginia Beach, VA age: 51	I would say no but the mind is strong but the flesh is weak.
5/31/2008 3:12:17 PM	Sex before marriage...?
mikesfunfarm Holland, MI age: 58	I have a few things that I don't understand. How long do you want a courtship to be??? At what point do you decide to have sex with a man???? You are strikenly beautiful, heavy petting could be difficult for a lot of men. Have a cold shower ready for them. Do you enjoy sex?? If so would you talk about that with your potential man?? Do you tell the man well ahead of time that you are not having sex before marrage?
5/31/2008 3:23:08 PM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	Wow... Those are alot of questions ..I personally would not care to discuss my personal life, but I would like feedback ..I will answer a couple of your questions..Yes I do let a man know up front where I'm coming from. I just seem to not get passed that issue with them,in other words they basically don't call again unless it's an attempt to try again to change my mind ..If you know what I mean.. Definition: abstaining from sexual activity Antonyms: active, promiscuous Thanks for your questions.
5/31/2008 3:34:11 PM	Sex before marriage...?
mikesfunfarm Holland, MI age: 58	That is fair, too many ???'s I know that there are many men that had there sex lives go downhill in the last years of there marriage. My opinion is that many do not want to step back into a sexless or a very limited sex life, and this may be a reason many don't come back. They should not be trying to have sex with you after you have made it clear that you will not have sex before marrage. Just my opinion::: If you really like a man then you must let him into you sexual world, by that I mean let him know that when you get married, it will be well worth the wait, and it will be good and lasting. I can not speak for all men, but sex is a VERY important part of a relationship. PS, you are very beautiful [Edited 5/31/2008 3:35:48 PM ]
5/31/2008 3:44:29 PM	Sex before marriage...?
noredneckhere Knoxville, TN age: 50	To each, their own. Really. I wouldn't date someone with those thoughts, and I'm sure they wouldn't want to date me. Nothing wrong with it.
5/31/2008 3:46:26 PM	Sex before marriage...?
outgoing37 Norcross, GA age: 39	I believe in sex before marriage and alot during marriage. I respect any choice on this topic. You do what makes you feel good.Its your body.
5/31/2008 3:48:33 PM	Sex before marriage...?
casinopitboss Beijing China age: 92	Good lord, this may get lengthy. Okay... heres how i see it.. and by all means, dont bash me.... its just my opinion... not a need for everyones approval. You say that you have seen too many people get hurt as a result of getting into sexual activity too early. Well, i think that is a cop out. Sexual activity doesnt ruin relationships. Its usually the people that do.... then need something to blame other than themselves. I can look back at my entire dating history, and i cant think of a single instance where sexual activity was the demise of the relationship. Im no wh*re.... far from it actually... but i think abstinence is kind of rediculous. I pick and choose very carefully who i do and or do not get into sexual relationships with, but i would never expect someone to marry me before sleeping with me. There are certain aspects about every person that you need to know about before you marry them. Some things are simple.... do your personalities work together, do you have the same ideas about the future, do you close your eyes and see yourself with this person 20 years from now... this list is long...but the bottom line is.... sexual compatibility is one of those things. I have certain wants and needs, and im not going to marry someone who may or may now be into the same things i am. Granted, you can always toss out the "if you love that person, then you accept them for who they are" line... but the bottom line is that you dont know who they are when it comes to that aspect of their life. If you want to abstain from sex, by all means, go right ahead, and ill respect you for it.... but i would just never date you. You are human.... you have sexual desires just like everyone else. You just choose not to act upon them. Does that make you crazy or un datable..... absolutely not, but it wont make things easier. Do you think that you will find a higher qaulity of man because he choose to wait with you.... im sure you do, but i hate to ruin that dream, but it prolly wont happen that way for you. Just because a guy waits, doesnt mean he is the perfect man. It just means that he was foolish. You are an adult, not a 12 year old little girl. Act like it, and i assure you that you will find greater happiness in life. Just take your time.
5/31/2008 3:51:45 PM	Sex before marriage...?
lioness_nikki Lakeside, CA age: 31	Believe it or not...I listen to Dr. Laura. (don't laugh...it's true.) I agree with her on some things, but definitely not this one. She always says that you should never have sex before marriage the whole "why would you buy the cow if the milk is free?" speech. Well, in those terms: what if you buy the cow with no test drive and the milk stinks? What if there isn't enough? What if there isn't any? then you're stuck. I want to know that the man I'm with can keep up with me sexually, doesn't have any weird hang ups or physical problems going on down there, etc. So yes, there should be sex before marriage and a helluva lot more afterwards!
5/31/2008 3:55:28 PM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	Thanks for your thoughts..I guess it would be ideal if a man looked at a women for more than just sex! being at the top of thier list ..I once seen in a poll, between men and women and the ten top things of impotance. They where almost opposite . Thanks for the complement too.
5/31/2008 4:05:02 PM	Sex before marriage...?
missmmeoftheday Brooklyn, NY age: 45	I think sex is an integral part of an adult relationship... it's not the goal in an adult relationship. And when you meet the man you want to be with, you want to have sex with him as an expression of that- that you want to be with him. Not because he is looking at you for sex, but because it is another way of sharing with him. JMO
5/31/2008 4:05:06 PM	Sex before marriage...?
mizzman Annapolis, MD age: 41	I think I can sum it up by saying if the guy is a good guy he probably wants to know what he is getting into before he takes the plunge of a lifetime. In other words you don't buy a car without taking it on a test drive, and that is why I think we want to have sex before commitment.
5/31/2008 4:08:19 PM	Sex before marriage...?
rockytopgirl Winnsboro, LA age: 51	I'M STILL A VIRGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ok, no i'm not.
5/31/2008 4:08:32 PM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	Sorry you feel that way. I'm very content and I know that there are men out in this world who feel and believe the same way ..I love the life I live and I know who I'am and what I can give in a relationship. Sex is a wonderful way to express your love to another person and when and if I ever fall in love. I will share that part of my life, whole heartedly..Its not something I think should be taken lightly. Just having sex is just that! Even thou most women tend to get emotional about it more so then men do...another topic..lol
5/31/2008 4:09:10 PM	Sex before marriage...?
waitinonu2 Ewing, KY age: 60	eyez. your life is your own. not to be controlled by some user.
5/31/2008 4:11:25 PM	Sex before marriage...?
casinopitboss Beijing China age: 92	wow! i think you are jaded. good luck with that.
5/31/2008 4:16:04 PM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	I would be a very wealthy person if I was paid for that statement ! lol..Thanks for your thought. So I almost feel that when a man and women fall in love, that this would be expressed in the act of love making along with the marriage bond, they have only reinforces that !I think men might think they cannot or do have have what it takes to please a women and that might be one of the reasons they use an excuse to try it out.... I know I said alot there ..I just had too.. I have to go to work so I'll check back later.. Thanks
5/31/2008 4:27:42 PM	Sex before marriage...?
missmmeoftheday Brooklyn, NY age: 45	men aren't using anything as an excuse to try anything out... again, some guys- and girls- are just out for sex. That is their perogative, and they find plenty of partners out there... it's just reality for a lot of people. if you are in a loving relationship and express that thru sex, then it is a shared experience. it's not up to just one party... a man isn't doing something wrong by wanting to have sex with you... and not all of us take sex lightly. JMO Good luck in your search... I hope you find your man [Edited 5/31/2008 4:28:43 PM ]
5/31/2008 4:47:38 PM	Sex before marriage...?
lizann5280 Daytona Beach, FL age: 58	relationships are not all about sex, sex is a very small part of the relationship, but most make it all about sex. See the bigger picture..... you go girl!! men are sexual and visual beings, sex is paramount with them. women on the other hand are emotional beings and forgive me but never shall the two meet on those levels. women want to feel loved and then make love...men on the other hand are sexual creatures with appetites. Good luck on finding Mr. right...you are doing the right thing hand in there and you will find that special someone, you just ight have to have a lot of single dates until you find him but have faith you will. There are so many diseases out there and you never know who has what...so stay true to you and your values ...any man worth having you will develop a relationiship with you first.
5/31/2008 4:49:41 PM	Sex before marriage...?
riccyboby79 Al Faluje Israel age: 32	sample the meat before you eat it all
5/31/2008 4:54:08 PM	Sex before marriage...?
classyguy333 West Fargo, ND age: 59	It's your life. Don't worry about what I or anybody else thinks. If you wish to wait, then wait. Find a guy that also wants to wait. There are some out there. As to getting involved too soon, and things heading downhill? That can happen. It happened to me the first time around. The second time around, however, I found my soul mate. So, ya win once in awhile. Best of luck to you.
5/31/2008 5:14:53 PM	Sex before marriage...?
lioness_nikki Lakeside, CA age: 31	I would say don't worry about it, then. It's your body and I know there are men out there who would be willing to wait. For me...sex is a big part of my life and I have met (unfortunately)more than my share of men that regarded me as a miscreant or dirty, or just plain old tiring as far as sex went. Luckily the guy that I married didn't feel that way. But no one wants to be pushed away or regarded as insane because of what they want in the bedroom, and no one wants to feel sexual frustration...especially if you're married. Even in religion the importance of sex in a marriage is stressed, and if one person isn't doing it for the other (or more accurately- with the other) then there's problems. I just wouldn't want to find out that my partner wasn't going to satisfy me...more reason to cheat, get a divorce, etc. Sorry.
5/31/2008 5:18:59 PM	Sex before marriage...?
phano1969 Saint-Hyacinthe, QC age: 41	Before leasing or bying a car, you want to try it. This sentence seem hard, but it's the simple version. Just saying that when we get to know each other, we have to be passionnate and compatible, even concerning the sexe avenue... Desires and plaisures have to be share, to get to know your partner. But, exchanging fluides and body contact are things that human wants....
5/31/2008 6:31:34 PM	Sex before marriage...?
elmusico6 Elk Grove Village, IL age: 32	ok.. i'm going to say this... you want to save yourself for your husband, and than have different sexual experiences with him.. that is fantastic, very respectable. but in a different chapter, i can probably say that you just may get curious... want to have different sexual experiences other than what you have with your husband. my friend had some what of a similar problem.. he was hoping for his wife to have been a virgin when they met.. she wasn't... she actually messed around with different guys and had different sexual experiences... i guess to get it out og her system... she wanted to have her fun before she ot married... the down fall to that was that... my friend felt and has felt cheated.. not cheated on, but cheated... in other words... she had all this funn with other guys...(she had guy friends , that they used each other for sex).. so because she supposedly experimented with these guys... she really didn't save in his eyes, much fun to share with him. and whats interesting based on what she has told him... she didn't regret doing the things that she did, cause they were experiences. he does regret losing his virginity to another woman. he has had a few sex partners, probably not as many as her, but he has... the difference is that based on her story, she really didn't have emotion when having the experiences with these guys... he did with the other women.. basically, if you are dating someone, and they show they are going to commit to you, and they do... there is no problem with having sex before marriage... as long as its with the guy that commits to you.
6/1/2008 1:49:42 AM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	Thanks for sharing your thoughts too..I didn't mean to inply all men use as an excuse ,cause I know that women are the same in many ways about having sex without being married ..I still think that men tend to be more so making it a prority when getting involved..jmo Thanks
6/1/2008 2:30:19 AM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	Leasing or buying a car is not like a human. Humans have feeling, and so I see what your saying, but I still feel strong about two ppl who have a sexual relationship without marriage. will most likely end sooner than if they are commentted in a marriage vow. Too love one another and all that good stuff. It's more secure and has depth .What I'm trying to say here is that in a relationship were both have vowed to love till death do you part alone is saying alot. Like the one poster said how women are more emotional then men. This is true too..We do tend to be more intuned to that part of our self. I also want to point out that in a marriage jmo. You have that freedom knowing that this is the one person you can share all things with. That is not found in a casual type relationship..or if it is, its been going on for so very long and the commitment has already been established.... : ) The other issue I see come up is rather the actual act of sex is going to work for each other..I once again believe that when it's true love for each other, and not lust, that is being shared, the both will be pleased and the experience will be none other than wonderful. I'm not saying that casual sex with someone is not pleasing its just like short term and less chance of satisfaction. Why would you want anything less? .. : )
6/1/2008 5:00:42 AM	Sex before marriage...?
bobbyzip Parker, AZ age: 61	Oh BOY.... I would be sure you are compatible in every way, including Sex. There are enough divorces out there now as it is.You can`t be totally in love without sharing each others bodies.. It is sooooo special, do not leave it out in your choice of a life mate. My opinion... Bobby
6/1/2008 5:23:48 AM	Sex before marriage...?
frenchman57 Baldwinsville, NY age: 53	My thinking is that I wouldn't buy a car before test driving it first. Have to see if the ride is going to be compatible with what you are looking for.
6/1/2008 6:06:32 AM	Sex before marriage...?
rn2b1973 Blanchard, OK age: 37	eyezbrn, I can agree with you to a certain extent. I think that too much empahasis is put on sex alone. I do agree that sex is an important part of a relationship, but not the first and foremost! I personally am not willing to be a piece of a** to a man, but also, I am not opposed to sex before marrriage once we have established other intersts as well. I, like you, have not gotten second dates when the man realizes that I am not going to sleep with them right off the bat, but you know, I have to be true to myself first and foremost, not to mention that I have a teenage daughter to set an example for! It doesn't make dating easy, but I do believe there is someone out there for all of us, good luck in your search!
6/1/2008 12:52:31 PM	Sex before marriage...?
hugsnlaughter McKeesport, PA age: 50	I think everyone is entitled to their own feelings on this. I think getting to know the other person very well before sex is a good idea. I don't believe a date necessarily means sex, in fact with me it does not. I know many feel different. My one worry though if you wait until marriage and discover you are totally not compatible in that area, like what if one of you is very into a sexual act that the other is not. Also, and I hate to bring up the "monica lewinsky" thing but does sex mean no sexual contact at all before marriage as then you may find you are actually not attracted to each other in a sexual way. jmo
6/1/2008 1:03:32 PM	Sex before marriage...?
redneckhippy Pottsboro, TX age: 42	I'm all for sex before marriage.
6/1/2008 1:11:41 PM	Sex before marriage...?
luvs2cook Tracyton, WA age: 40	I waited. My now ex-wife was the first. It was worth waiting for. I'm glad that I was able to share such a huge moment in my life with her. Of course the longer the marriage went on, the less 'relations' there were. I have been with 1 other woman since. If I find that special woman, I'd be willing to wait again.
6/1/2008 1:22:25 PM	Sex before marriage...?
feelings28 Bronx, NY age: 31	Personally, I think that what you are doing is evolutional. Not that others have not considered that but just how many.... I believe in sex before marriage for the very reason that I read in some of the other posts. What if you are not sexually compatible? Does your definition of celibacy include not having sexual topics be discussed between you and the other individual? I must admit, out of the sexual partners I have had (not that it was many, lol) I can only remember one being an ideal candidate with regards to sexual satisfaction, therefore I would want my husband to be compatible with me sexually as my intentions would be to stay happily married. You know, when the sex is good within a relationship it becomes only 3 percent of the issues within that relationship, but when the sex is bad....it becomes 97 percent of issues within a relationship. Okay I made up the numbers, but hey I was just trying to prove a point..
6/1/2008 1:28:22 PM	Sex before marriage...?
mjkittredge Nashua, NH age: 29	The OP has obviously struggled with her celibacy, and has needed to come up with all sorts of flawed lines of reasoning in order to support her decision and make herself feel better. The reality is, OP is rolling the dice. The man she ends up marrying may or may not be compatable with her sexually. Here is why. There are so many components to sexual compatability - each others ideal of sex, whether it's fast, slow, hard & rough, or gentle, in various positions, or only missionary allowed, lots of oral or 'ew thats gross!'. Then there are the physical dimensions, how tight or loose a woman is, how much or how little natural lubricant her vagina secretes, how long and how thick the guy is, how long both people take to orgasm (some people take more than an hour - talk about sore and worn out) that brings up duration - how long is enjoyable, how quick is too short? THEN there is frequency - how many times a week? Multiple times a day? Problem with all these things is, two people in a relationship can differ on what they like in ALL of the aspects I mentioned. What if guy wants sex every day of the week but girl wants it only once a week? CONFLICT! What if guy likes to have sex hard and fast, but the girl wants it soft and slow? UH OH. What if a woman has a somewhat wide vagina and makes lots of lube, and the guys penis is short and skinny? IS IT IN, HONEY? Guy loves oral, but girl thinks it's disgusting... CMON, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! Girl takes half an hour to orgasm, but the guy only takes 5 minutes. DISSATISFIED? YOU BETCHA! Guy loves doggystyle position, but girl thinks it's degrading. AWWWWW. So you see, it's better to find all this out BEFORE marrying. If you get married and then can't enjoy each other sexually because you're incompatable, and trying to compromise and going to sex therapists and marriage counselors still leaves you unhappy, then what? Stay in a relationship where the sex is lousy and you're miserable, or go through the costly and difficult divorce process? To the OP, what will you do if you marry and your husband isn't happy sexually for whatever reason? If you had sex before marriage, you could just break up and date someone else.
6/1/2008 2:30:07 PM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	Kittridge, I see you have alot of concerns about the capability .Well once again my reply would be this..LOVE ...I truly believe when LOVE IS the main factor in the relationship ..That all will be just right. Lets say an awful accident or some thing like that happened to one of them . Do you leave that person cause they no longer can have sex? Well that is not Love than..Do you get my point here? Thanks!
6/1/2008 2:41:44 PM	Sex before marriage...?
cdanny Syracuse, IN age: 33	This is one of the strangest topics I have ever read... Everyone has a right to do what they feel is right for themselves... The question was asked looking for others oppinions, and then there is an attempt by eyezbrn to tell everyone why there opinion is wrong. I for one would not wait to have sex until after marriage. Sex is a large part of a relationship, and I would not make a marital commiment without knowing what my partner has to offer sexually. Whether I am right or wrong for doing that, that is my opinion.
6/1/2008 2:57:08 PM	Sex before marriage...?
zeke1964 Yakima, WA age: 46	We all have our own ideas and beliefs and nobody's mind will be changed on these forums. That said, in my view, to take the buying a vehicle analogy a bit further, there are economy cars, sportscars, minivans, trucks, 4wheel drive, front wheel drive, etc. They all are supposed to get you where you need to go but all do it very differently. You better buy the one that best suits you and fits your needs, otherwise you may have a somewhat useless vehicle.Over time the one that best suits you can change. A certificate is not going to change that.
6/1/2008 3:28:29 PM	Sex before marriage...?
roadrisingup Waldo, OH age: 41	todays man is a fool if he is willing to buy a pair of shoes before he has tried them on same for the ladies.....never forego the test drive
6/1/2008 3:51:08 PM	Sex before marriage...?
mjkittredge Nashua, NH age: 29	Quote from eyezbrn: Kittridge, I see you have alot of concerns about the capability .Well once again my reply would be this..LOVE ...I truly believe when LOVE IS the main factor in the relationship ..That all will be just right. Lets say an awful accident or some thing like that happened to one of them . Do you leave that person cause they no longer can have sex? Well that is not Love than..Do you get my point here? Thanks! Because one partner is injured, does that mean the other who loves them should have to go without sex for the rest of their life? Seems a bit unfair. Can you love a person so much that you'd allow them to take care of their sexual needs elsewhere since you can't satisfy them? If I was injured or had a degenerative disease like Dr. Stephen Hawking, in a wheelchair immobile, couldn't please a wife even manually or orally and she still wanted to stay with me - I'd encourage her to take care of her sexual needs as she saw fit. Just because it would be ruined for me, doesn't mean she should suffer. That would be extremely selfish of me. I think the most courageous thing to do would be to swallow my pride, overcome my jealousy, and allow her to have a lover. And I'd be so grateful that she chose to stay with me despite my condition. Love is wonderful. If all it took was love to make a successful, lifelong relationship, I'd be happily married by now. There are other very important aspects that have to be taken into consideration though. Sex is one of those other things. It's not the most important thing, not as important as love, but it is still very very important. If you neglect it, it will cost you. If you love a person, but the sex is lousy and doesn't improve, you are going to have serious problems. Even though a person loves you, they will still long for satisfying sex, and that can tear relationships apart. Just look at the national divorce rate. How many couples do you want to bet, did what you are doing, failing to check sexual compatability before marriage, then finding out the hard way they are sexually incompatable, and that love doesn't equal mindblowing orgasms.
6/1/2008 5:42:20 PM	Sex before marriage...?
eyezbrn Temecula, CA age: 51	I think bottom line . I'm very content with my choice and will continue to stand my ground ..My original question was to basically get feedback from men on why it's so important to have sex with a women ..Maybe I should ask that instead. I guess I'm hoping that there are some men who do look at a women as a person and not an object. It's not like he or she has sex everyday anyway..So whats the problem with waiting until your ready to commit..Each and all are unique and I'm sure we all do that which is good ,or at least I hope this is true of mankind..I feel the way I do and I'm perfactly fine with it.. Thanks all for your feedback!
6/1/2008 5:49:38 PM	Sex before marriage...?
scottt39 Ocean View, HI age: 48	I have not read all the post so if someone beat me to this I am sorry. I am not to sure about sex before marriage and I am positive that even after marraige its not a good thing.
6/1/2008 5:51:00 PM	Sex before marriage...?
uclid Philadelphia, PA age: 40	If it feels good why not!
6/1/2008 5:54:13 PM	Sex before marriage...?
curiouschica Pittston, PA age: 24	I'm partially the same way. I have yet to have sex, not because I want to wait until marriage, only because I want to wait until I find somehting meaningful....I don't want a one nighter and alot of my friends feel the same way. So I don't find anything wrong with your opinion to wait.....but waiting until the ring is on your finger could lead to an eternity,lol. I don't think guys could honestly wait that long.
6/1/2008 7:14:24 PM	Sex before marriage...?
venice427 Los Angeles, CA age: 43	i'm cool with sex before marriage, during marriage, and after marriage... i think, i might have a little problum with it, depending on how long "the wait" is... a couple months, no probs...... a year or more, problum ... if a lady, is gonna make me wait, she better have a nice booty ..

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