| 6/22/2008 7:00:23 AM |
paying for others mistakes! |
|
yanks118
Moab, UT
age: 25
|
so my story is this:
not so long after my divorce i met a guy, fell hard for him, really it was one of those you can't get them out of your head no matter how hard you try situations, well he had jus gotten out of a really bad divorce as well, he said he was fine with dateing and hanging out but wanted to be friends, at one point asked me if i could wait for him for a year to sort his emotions out (all the time still being friends) i loved him, so i waited, a year went by and nothing, pretty much told me i was like a lil sis to him. crushed my world.
anyway we were talking a couple of nights ago (been about a year and a half since we met) and he asked why i moved so far away (3 hrs) that he missed me, there were a lot of reasons i moved, one was to get over him, one was my ex, i grew up here and my step dad has been sick, felt he needed help, and my best friend of 20 yrs finally talked me into it. so i told him my reasons. he says to me, "i'm glad you moved away because i was falling for you"
now in my mind i didn't see that as a bad thing! lol, then he went on to tell me that all girls are liars and cheaters (his ex ran him through the ringer! and still does) and that his only intention in life anymore was to be a player, and that was his only intention with me as well. ok that one hurt! but it happens i'll get over it. but he asked when he could see me again and hang out. i thought for a little bit (felt some feelings resurfacing) and finally told him that he couldn't, because i did love him and that i wouldn't spend my life paying for someone elses mistaks.
ok my question:
why is it that we do things like this? i know there has been dates i have been on that i was like WHOA because they had some of the same "traits" that my ex did. which i guess i didn't really realize it until now, that i may of messed up one of the greatest things because of this.
i'm not whinning or complaining, just wondering how many others have found themselves paying for someone elses mistakes? (i realize that that is one of the main reasons for my divorce as well, his ex cheated so he asumed i was going to too!)
and how many can honestly stop and say they have made someone else pay for one of their past relationships mistakes?
ttttttthats all folks!
(sorry it was so long?!)
hugs and luvs! ~ang~
|
| 6/22/2008 7:11:52 AM |
paying for others mistakes! |
|
rocklady
Lenoir, NC
age: 46
|
I think we all unintentionally do it. Baggage from previous relationships
can be hard to get rid of. If we all would realize this and take the time
to sort through it especially before we start anew. The world would be a
much kinder and thoughtful place.
|
| 6/22/2008 7:15:13 AM |
paying for others mistakes! |
|
tweet169
Belmont, NC
age: 38
|
I can relate as well to what you are talking about. When my ex-husband and I split I was single for 6 months. Then I met a wonderful man, we were like meant to be together. Almost soul mates. We were together from Jan 06 to Jun 07. On the 30th of June he called and told me he didn't want to see me anymore. No explaination, just had stated several times after I got my divorce in April, that he felt like I was trying to draw attention to myself so other men would look at me. Now I fell deeply in love with this guy - I gave him my heart and soul. I dressed the same as I did when we first met. He said you could see the outline of my bra and that drew attention to my breast. There were other insecure things that he had and it caused our relationship to end. All I wanted was closure. He said everyone was out to take advantage of him. I never asked for money or any kind of help from him. But yet, when he ended our relationship, I became dead to him. I'm still having trouble removing him from my heart and he is my neighbor (great huh) and gets pissed off if I'm outside in my backyard when he is outside. All I wanted was closure, but I feel like I'm paying for something his ex-wife did to him cause she cheated on him and hounds him for money. Its really not fair. How does one move on? Why do we still love these guys? Most likely there is no answer. I'm sorry if others in the PAST did things, but that doesn't mean I will do that. So i'm lost in wonder also.......
|
| 6/22/2008 7:20:09 AM |
paying for others mistakes! |
|
yanks118
Moab, UT
age: 25
|
i come accross this a lot! i often wonder if it is an excuse, a way of saying, hey i'm just not interested. what is wrong with being truthful?
|
| 6/22/2008 7:20:46 AM |
paying for others mistakes! |
|
susansheart839
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 60
|
I think someone who has not healed from the previous relationship that brings their baggage into the current one is not very smart. I know I am not nearly ready for a serious relationship right now because I have only been divorced 5 months. It takes time to realize what mistakes you made and more time to figure out how NOT to do it again. Having said that, I do believe there are people who refuse to acknowledge this fact and time after time they haul their baggage into the new relationship. My second husband was just this type of person. All I heard about was how "she" done him wrong. And there were plenty of "she's", trust me! Never - not once - did he acknowledge his role in the breakdown of his relationships.
Your new "love" said he is gonna be a player. I think he is already one and you were wise to stay away.
Susan
|
| 6/22/2008 8:00:33 AM |
paying for others mistakes! |
|
nightengale1958
Bonifay, FL
age: 49
|
Well said, Susan.
|
| 6/22/2008 9:25:25 AM |
paying for others mistakes! |
|
daddyduck
Splendora, TX
age: 54
|
Gals I 100% agree with you, I've always said I've never been in trouble for doing a lady wrong, but I've sure paid the bill for a bunch of SOB's who did. I know the pain can run deep, but can't understand how it lessen one's pain to take it out on somebody who had nothing to do with it. I don't know how many times a person has to be hurt before they start to believe everybody is the same, but I guess that depends on the individual.
But it does seem odd to hear someone say I'm looking for someone who wont' do me wrong and then turn on someone who is supposed to be what they're looking for. Men or women. JMO What the hell do I know?
|
| 6/22/2008 3:43:48 PM |
paying for others mistakes! |
|
quickstep
Elgin, IL
age: 26
|
 We are all left with emotional scars from failed relationships. After a while it changes our personality, some more than others. All we can do is get over it and our scars will hopefully remind us not to fall for the same type of relationships that hurt us before.
|