| 7/20/2008 12:48:30 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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nhjewelrylady
Lebanon, NH
age: 56
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An elderly farmer....Farmer John on a Moped,
Looking about 100 years old, dressed up in his
jeans, flannel shirt, suspenders and work boots.
Pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old farmer....Farmer John, looks over
at the sleek shiny black car.
Farmer John asks, "What kind of car ya got there, Sonny?"
The doctor replies, " A Ferrari GTO.
It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man.
"Why's it cost so darn much anyway?"
The doctor say's "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour".
States the doctor proudly.
Farmer John on his moped asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the doctor.
So Farmer John pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then sitting back down on his moped, Farmer John says,
"That's a pretty nice car, all right.....but I'll stick
with my moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to
show Farmer John just what the car is capable of.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer
reaches 160 mph.
Suddenly, the doctor notices a dot in his rear view mirror.
It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be
going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to
250 mph....Then, up ahead of him, he see that it's Farmer John on
his moped!!!!
Amazed that the moped could pass his super fast Ferrari, he gives
it more gas and passes that moped at 275 mph.
The doctor is feeling pretty darn good until he looks in his rear
view mirror and see's Farmer John on that moped gaining on him once
again!!!!
Astounded by the speed of Farmer John and his moped, he floors the
gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not even 10 seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him
once again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing the doctor
can do about it!!
Suddenly.....Farmer John and the moped plow right into the back of
the Ferrari....demolishing it's rear end!
The doctor stops and quickly jumps out and unbelievably Farmer John
is STILL ALIVE!!!!
The doctor runs up to a banged up Farmer John and says, "I'm a doctor....is there anything I can do for you?"
Old Farmer John looks up at the doctor and whispers,
"UNHOOK MY SUSPENDERS FROM YOUR SIDE VIEW MIRROR!!"
     
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| 7/20/2008 2:24:53 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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lilguppy2bit
Auburn, WA
age: 54
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good one I liked that...
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| 7/20/2008 4:25:41 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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nhjewelrylady
Lebanon, NH
age: 56
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So glad you enjoyed that one. I work in the Emergency Department at the local hospital and I CANN'T wait to take this one in tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure I'll have to make at least 20 copies befor I even get there!! Will love to watch some of the expressions on those doctors faces when they read it.  Who me....would I do something like this to them??? Darn right I will!!! Laura 
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| 7/20/2008 4:33:03 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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forrest73
Eldorado, TX
age: 36
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thats good. i like that. thank you
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| 8/30/2008 7:50:12 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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genia13
Oskaloosa, KS
age: 45
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that's a good one
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| 9/1/2008 9:32:32 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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rojamami
Brunswick, GA
age: 47
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Cute, it made me smile...
[Edited 9/1/2008 9:32:46 AM PST]
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| 9/20/2008 3:24:07 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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stormriders
Woodland, WA
age: 48
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yep, thears a good old one!
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| 9/20/2008 3:56:15 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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debztake
Minneapolis, MN
age: 53
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funny!!
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| 9/20/2008 8:21:57 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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vet61
Farmington, IL
age: 48
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A boy that lives on a farm is awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend. She tells him he won't get breakfast until he does his chores. One of his chores involves feeding all the animals. While he was feeding the animals he takes out his aggression on some of them. He kicks a chicken, a cow, and a pig. When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal. When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he kicked the cow. He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he kicked the pig. Right then his father comes in and kicks the cat. The boy looks at his mother and says "Would you like to tell him or should I?"
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| 9/21/2008 8:27:27 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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vet61
Farmington, IL
age: 48
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A ventriloquist cowboy took a walk in the country and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it goin'?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Rancher: (Look of extreme shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at rancher)
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Rancher: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin'?"
Horse: "Cool."
Rancher: (An even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at rancher)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Rancher: (Gesticulating wildly and hardly able to talk)......"Them sheep ain't nothin' but liars, every darned one of 'em!!!!
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| 9/21/2008 10:49:16 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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lilguppy2bit
Auburn, WA
age: 54
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that's good but U be bad...heehee..glad not all farmers are like that.
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| 9/22/2008 1:13:06 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
age: 62
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I wanted to raise chickens--but everytime I plant one--it dies 
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| 9/25/2008 10:59:42 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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highlandscout
Twisp, WA
age: 90
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funny jokes, guys!
and theres a trick to plantin' chickens...
some folks just got a way with 'em...
kind of like with the sheep...
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| 10/28/2008 10:37:57 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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forfungun
Festus, MO
age: 54
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 thanks . it also suits a few i work with.
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| 10/28/2008 11:57:39 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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longhaul832003
Donald, OR
age: 44
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Still laughing as I write this
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| 11/28/2008 9:33:03 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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liferator
Statesville, NC
age: 29
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A boy that lives on a farm is awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend. She tells him he won't get breakfast until he does his chores. One of his chores involves feeding all the animals. While he was feeding the animals he takes out his aggression on some of them. He kicks a chicken, a cow, and a pig. When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal. When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he kicked the cow. He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he kicked the pig. Right then his father comes in and kicks the cat. The boy looks at his mother and says "Would you like to tell him or should I?"
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| 12/25/2008 10:58:16 PM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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nhjewelrylady
Lebanon, NH
age: 56
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Texas 3 Kick Rule:
A very wealthy respected New York lawyer was on a duck hunting vacation in the state of Texas when he shot a duck that of course just happened to fall across the fence onto Texas Farmer John's property.
Sitting on the top of the hill on his John Deere tractor, Texas Farmer John watched as the hunter shot the duck; which just fell to the ground on his property. Texas Farmer John drove the tractor down to the bottom of the hill just as the fancy outfitted New York lawyer turned hunter; was climbing over the wooden fence to retrieve his fallen duck.
"Hey! What do you think your do'en there young feller?" says Texas Farmer John
"Well, I'm retrieving the duck I just shot" says the lawyer.
"Not on my property your not says the farmer. You just climb right back over that fence and you leave that duck right where it lays".
Of course the lawyer had to argue the point seeing as how he was a well known negotiations
lawyer from New York. He tells the Texas Farmer all about his fame and fortune and that he would proceed to sue the pants right off the farmer if he didn't let him leave with the duck he shot.
Texas Farmer John calmly gets down from the tractor (and rather slowly to boot as he was about 80 years old).
"Well young feller, I'll tell you what! Down here in Teaxas we also like to negotiate. We have what is known here abouts as "The Texas 3 Kick Rule" and it has settled many a dispute."
The laywer being very curious as to what "The Texas 3 Kick Rule" was all about asked questions and was told by Texas Farmer John that the rules were as following.
The first person that started the "negotiations" would be able to kick the other person involved a total of 3 times. After the 3 kicks----if the other person was still able to get up off the ground he then would have the opportunity to kick the other person 3 times.
This would proceed until one person won the "negotiations".
The New York lawyer thought about it for a few minutes and agreed to the terms of "The Texas 3 Kick Rule". Seeing as the Farmer was elderly and frail looking the lawyer told him he could go first with the 3 kicks.
"Well thank you so much young feller and good luck to you" says Texas Farmer John.
Texas Farmer John walks up to the lawyer and gives him a swift kick to the side of his right knee with his size 12 steel toed farm boots and down goes the lawyer on one knee, another kick in the stomach as the lawyer doubled over in PAIN gasping for breath, with the 3rd kick landing on the side of his rib cage.
Seeing double, short of breath and in LOTS of pain.......the lawyer rolls over on the ground, gets up on his hands and knees, stumbles to his feet and right then and there decides; old and frail or not......"I'm going to kick the crap out of this old codger".
The New York lawyer tells Texas Farmer John, "Well old man, your a heck of alot stronger than what I'd thought you'd be.......but it's my turn to kick you 3 times".
"NOPE" says Texas Farmer John as he calmly walkes back to get onto his John Deere tractor.
"You can have the damn duck". "Sure was nice doing business with you young fella"
 Laura
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| 1/17/2009 12:35:59 AM |
Old Farmer---Joke of the day! |
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nhjewelrylady
Lebanon, NH
age: 56
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Old Farmer John tells his daughter LouLou Belle to put an ad in the paper for a helper on the farm for the Fall harvest season. She only got 2 replies for the wanted help ad and after doing the interviews she knew that one of them was gay and the other came to his interview drunk. Being on the the safer side she told her Dad to hire the gay guy, which he proceeded to do.
After 3 weeks of back breaking hard work Farmer John and LouLou Belle tell the guy to take some time off and go to town and have some fun for the night, which of course he did.
He walks into the door of the farmhouse about 2am....and who is waiting up for him but LouLou Belle herself......"Please come here near the fireplace where its good and warm."
Walking over to the fireplace....LouLou Belle tells him....."Take off my shirt! Take off my bra and PLEASE.....remove my pants".......all of which he does with a sheepish smile on his face. "And the next time you go into town.......don't be wearing MY clothes or your fired!"
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