Dis-ability-of mine

7/29/2008 1:09:35 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
testinggrounds Queen Creek, AZ age: 40	I’ve posted a "scratch" song in the works on my space for all of you.. It's about a couple topics posted about disability. The song is called "Pain it Stains" but it's titled on my site as "for the ignorant on DH", I'll leave it up for a few days. www.[blocked site].com/testinggroundsband If the link doesn’t work just search for Testing Grounds on my space and click on my pic; My disability does not define me. Personally I would not want to go out with someone who focouses on "What I am" instead of "who I am". To me, such a person does not understand what true love is, and some peoples word are the tell… Would any of you seriously divulge medical information about yourself on a dating profile? Perhaps we should all require our dates to get medical evaluations to make sure there are no ticking time bombs…Give me a break… When I fall in love again, (may be a post on the subject soon) It will be a journey in life together as a partner, if she finds out she has cancer a month from now I won’t bail, I’ll be by her side supporting her because I love her.. Love is the primary goal for me,, If we drift apart and cannot rejoin our union because we no longer love each other, then our relationship has ended.. Christopher Reeves wife didn’t bail, that’s true love. She inspired him to live longer than he would have without her, in fact she talked him out of ending his life.. I wonder if some on here would have just encouraged him to die, she could have taken the insurance policy and got another guy pretty soon I imagine, of course she came down with cancer and followed shortly after him.. Paul McCartney and his wife Linda were inseperable, a model marriage, they met in 1967…. Do you think he would have gave up the opportunity for the love of his life knowing she would get cancer.. What time bomb is in you??? In my past I’ve been guilty of judging others unfairly, I'm no angle, but I learn my my mistakes.. All of you who say a lie is a lie, that’s not true, or an omission.. I recently returned from a trip and my daughters fish apparently didn’t get enough food.. I just told my little girl her fish was visiting the other fish at Walmart,,,, he was lonely. So we go to Walmart and she excitedly brings home her fish “TV”,,, she’s totally unaware that her fish really died… One day she will hear the story and thank me for that…….. Ever heard “he who is without sin let him cast the first stone”???? I’m honest, I didn’t say I never lie… Reading between the lines of the Post perhaps it wasn’t just the Disabled guy who lied? Obviously the friend of a friend was informed that the guy had a disability at some point, how? Nobody seems to care about the really important stuff model relationships are made of.. I had a model relationship for 10 years of a 12 year marriage.. I viewed her addiction of the last 2 years of our marriage as and illness.. She left,,,I didn’t,,,, I kept my vows.. She paid the ultimate price for her addiction,,death. She had opportunity to live,, really live, she chose not to… My disability is no way my fault, I have no choice in the matter except how to deal with it… I write a thread about “until death do us part” it gets 1 post, a lot of supportive email, but isn’t that an important and substantial discussion?? What is important to all of you,, LOVE??? Or anger, hate, controversy?? What about “in sickness and health” you know substantial stuff the Marriage vows are made of… When I was a kid I had terrible leg pains, Doctors just told my dad it was growing pains, I was faking ect.. My father would tell me to quit crying suck it up, everyone has growing pains.. I grew up in the Martial arts, my dad and other family members are black belts, as early as I remember I trained to fight at a young age... Fast forward to 17 years old my instructor Bob Leve in a DoJo in Wyoming tried to get my father to sign so I could fight my first PKA bought.. He seen in me the ability to shed pain to a degree most are unable to do.. Years later my pains were found to be congenital spinal stenosis... My first back surgery I was back to work full time in 3 weeks as a music teacher bending over all day long… My second I asked my surgeon how long he wanted me to wait until walking,, he said walk as soon as you can… I had a Cage, pedicle screws, fixation, 6 hour surgery, I got in my room at 9pm and walked by 11pm that night.. It was like a bad fight, I kept hearing,, stay down, stay down.. A nurse holding my arm feeling my pulse, said lay back down. I asked her "the doctor said for me to walk as soon as I could right???" I had to rise to the occasion and did.. The nurse said in 12 years at the hospital he never seen anyone do what I did.... A while back I went out on a date from this site, mysterious things were happening that freaked me out, she led me to another site that did all the psyche evals and stuff.. 400 questions later and numerous tests she is still my number 1 most compatible for distance out of 100 profiles.. I knew I was falling for her to soon… I told her about my disability and said “you deserve someone better” I kept thinking about all the things she loved to do and wondered if I could keep up… It wasn’t the disability part that scared her away,, It was my words “you deserve someone better”… She said she needed to be with a man that rises to challenges and finds a way around them... Well actually that is the real me, however I had a momentarry laps of reason.. Really I know I am the best man, but early in a relationship that smacks of self-doubt and caused her to flee… I had at that time just received results from an MRI that revealed 2 disks out in my neck and a benign tumor in T1... But again my pain and faith have not stopped me from searching for love, or openly giving it to others.. I can still do all the things I use to do to a smaller degree.. I was the founding captain of Pinal County Search and rescue desert survival team (through Pinal co. Sheriffs Dept..) I use to mountain climb, run whitewater, combat shoot,, ect.. Today I can’t eat the whole pie, but I can have a slice or 2.... I can still paddle my canoe through a canyon, Hike up a mountain, camp, and I still hear those words “that was the best sex I ever had”.. When I canoe I have outriggers to stand up every so often.. I still love to go out shooting just not combat style.. And fighting,,, well lets just say if I had to go there and couldn’t talk myself out of it…. That fight would end in about 30 seconds likely resulting in his permanent disability because I have to end it quick. Being disabled doesn’t make me weak, in fact it makes me dangerous to someone who would try to take advantage of it.. People seem to think that because someone has a disability his or her life should be sad, no fun, waiting for death… that isn't the case.. Do you drive? Well hell, I don’t’ want to date a person who drives in life,,, you might not come home one night and I’ll be forced to feel sadness and loss… Where is the faith in God, spirituality? When I look for a partner in life I don’t expect her to be able to do all the things I love to do. Can you play the guitar and sing?? [Edited 7/29/2008 1:23:14 PM]
7/29/2008 1:56:14 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
hugsnlaughter McKeesport, PA age: 48	This is such a great post and I can relate in so many ways. I never called it the cage though, it was the Halo from Hell. I have Scoliosis and went through two spine surgeries and traction and most of the "fun" stuff you described. I would like to also believe people see who we are and not our disabilities but that has to be proven to me. I have had many cancel dates etc when I revealed that. But, I am, as you a strong person, I recognize my limitations but I am currently still able to work fulltime and lead a pretty active life. People don't understand that them seeing us as "different" is our "normal"
7/29/2008 2:28:12 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
silkpanties53 Baytown, TX age: 53	I personally don't know anything about your disability, i did listen to the song but was unable to make out the words, the music was great. Are you addressing this posting to a certain person ? Not all people in the world are like said ladies your describe. Most see it that you want pitty for yourself, from the ladies that post on your site in my space they seem to LOVE you alot. I don't understand the purpose of you posting this other than you can't relate to people being who they are. Life is short for all of us and some see it as being scared to face reality. Sure they run - alot do and alot arn't able to cope with tragedy, I've had several tragedies in my life and i survived all. Keep your head up and a smile on your face there is someone out there for you and she will make you feel as if you are the luckiest man in the world. You have angels dancing all around you now
7/29/2008 2:45:59 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
rlds Ogden, UT age: 48	Testinggrounds.......you said it perfectly.
7/30/2008 3:54:43 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
testinggrounds Queen Creek, AZ age: 40	Thank you for your response and conscearn… and listening to the song.. LOL I listened to it and during the encoding process to MP3 it’s about 2 octaves lower than it should be.. My posting this wasn’t about me actually, It was regarding the previous 2 posting about disabilities, and all the ignorance.. I don’t have a problem dating, finding dates, ect… This posting was addressing all those on here who ask such stupid questions and make statements without thinking them through… Like how people should put on their profiles that they have a disability and that its somehow dishonest if it isn’t divulged up front,,,please… I hope there is no misunderstanding that I’m given any pity, need any, or want one shred, it’s my battle not anyone else’s…. I do more that most, I raise my children, 1 full time unlike most fathers, I take care of my household, and I fight for everyone’s civil rights… First thing someone learns about me is who I am, disability has nothing to do with that… The song “Pain it stains” is written to others who can relate to chronic pain, or medical issues.. It’s about moving forward even though it’s a struggle, it talks about the establishments of Insurance companies, “pulling on my strings” and their bedfellows “Doctors” whos job is cost containment so their insurance company can dump you as soon as they can… The song is about something I cannot escape,, the stain if you were… “Pain it Stains” Emotions bundled tightly in my head, they pull on my strings where am I led.. And on the hour it comes to whisk me away,, oh this pain it stains.. Moving forward feels like reverse, another goal is set now I must traverse, and on the hour it comes to whisk me away,, oh this pain it stains… No one sees this demon that I fight it comes to stab at me every night, and on the hour it comes to whisk me away,, oh this pain it stains. Their Hippocratic promise only lies if its you they cannot fix they will despise, and on the hour it whisks me away..
7/30/2008 5:22:00 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
anewdawn36 Charlotte, NC age: 36	Quote from rlds: Testinggrounds.......you said it perfectly. I agree with rlds well said! I also would like to add that this thread is an awesome expression of how to "ENDURE" until the end. There's a quote that says, "the race is not given to the swift nor to the strong, but to the ones who ENDURE until the end." I agree that this is missing in alot of the relationship examples that we rely on today...the examples that were given by the OP was awesome, but how many of us truly look up to them or use them as guides to get through the rough times in relationships or marriage? I want to be one who endures through every wind, wave, thunderstorm and disability.....
7/30/2008 5:30:20 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
usakindatheart Overton, TX age: 48 online now!	Can you play the guitar and sing?? op said... sing like a frog, but like doing it anyways, recommend cotton for your ears. strum a guitar like a child. and pretend i'm a rock star... hmmm... good enough for you?... oh no.. i am to old... oh well , easy come easy go... good luck on your hunting on dh... usa.
7/30/2008 5:36:42 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
katsclown Palm City, FL age: 46	what I learned in the past 2 years ; since my divorce is; that you have to be patient and weed out the shallow superficial types.. these people will never sustain a long term relationship with anyone; disability or not, when the going gets tough, well you know where they will be.. I have been patient and I am really careful who I date. take your time , there are great people still out there; it just takes time and patience to find them.. i would rather wait at this point and not waste my time with people that don't know the meaning of the word commitment.. learn it , li it, love it.. it is what a relationship is all about ... not giving up ; because things are not perfect... you are a good person and good will come your way.. dedication , devotion... thats what a long term realtionship is made of... /christopher reeves wife is the perfect example of true dedication... a person who comes up to the plate....
7/30/2008 7:07:32 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
lillibet New South Wales Australia age: 51	That was really something ...In my case both my ex husband and ex date said my disabilty was a burden...I have no desire to be a burden to anyone..I am very independent too much so but that is who i am and have become that way due to lack of acceptance in society..I dont have a physical disability I am hearing impaired ...However I do converse just as readily as the next person.My speech is normal I am an excellent lipreader and for many years have been a teacher of Sign Language for those who were born deaf and havent ever heard speech also taught adults with acquired hearing loss such as mine..Been a teacher for many years in Adult Aural Rehabilitation and speech reading and a teachers aide special sensory working with children.... I cant believe that I have decidied to tell you and I guess now I will learn who wants to remain a friend and who doesnt.....And yes potential dates have rejected me because of this and yes it hurts a lot..It goes deep ...My wonderful sons and friends assure me always That in their eyes I do not have a disability...And I have to say my sons friends the younger generation have been absolutely wonderful to me and always treat me with respect..... I do not let my hearing loss stop me from doing anything I want I really just dont think about it at all...Bless you all be happy and may real love be yours.............
7/30/2008 11:50:21 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
ccherie Salem, OR age: 54	I WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW...Written by Karen Swezey Lately,I've been wishing someone would invent some sort of light that would glow to indicate when a hard of hearing person was expending energy to hear what is going on. The intensity of that light would grow brighter and brighter as the efforts to hear were intensified. To be honest, some days my light would simply burn out-as I do after trying and trying all day long. And as we go along in the world doing all we can to be assertive in various situations, we need to realize the struggle to hear takes it's toll. Each time we are faced with a situation that is a struggle for us, we may feel any number of emotions-humiliation, anger, frustration, sadness, discouragement, or something else. Even though we may be assertive and up front about our hearing loss, those emotions remain. We need to recognize how much it takes out of us to be out there day in and day out, admitting our needs out loud and facing obstacles. It isn't easy! When we want to attend an event and we request an assistive hearing device of computer assisted communication, and the person in charge decides what we have requested is not "appropriate" and that something else will be provided instead without asking our opinion-this is very emotionally impactful. When we ask someone to repeat what was said and they roll their eyes or their tone of voice tells us we are bothering them, this is like being hit in the stomach-only it hits us in our self esteem. Each time we try to explain that our ability to hear changes depending on many variables, and the person we are trying to talk with refuses to listen or thinks they can tell us what we can hear-we are being de-valued. When we ask people in meetings to take their hands down from their faces so we can lip read, or to have only one person talk at once-and they remember for only a few minutes or until the next meeting-we need to deal with our feelings about that. Some days we are stronger then others. We have the courage and strength to keep trying until the situation is straightened out. Other days we may want to simply crawl into bed and pull those covers up over our head. Those are the days when we need to take care of ourselves. Acknowledge that being assertive takes energy and it sometimes takes away from other parts of our life. We need to surround ourselves with people who understand...people we can share our experiences with, and who will help us remember that life is good and we are worth it. People who can help us by listening and encouraging us. And then here are simply some people in the world that just "don't get it"-yet. And they won't unless we continue to try to teach them. The fact is that hearing loss is an invisible condition and we can learn how best to cope with it....and then tech the world. Perhaps we simply haven't found the right words to explain... Courage doesn't always roar-sometimes it says quietly, "I will try again tommorrow." I am certain that this applies to every disability, in some way. The challenges are endless, without end. This post is not to invoke sympathy... but to teach, and help others be more aware. I admire the OP for his thoughtful support. For all those that "don't get it" there are those that really do
8/1/2008 8:26:29 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
rlds Ogden, UT age: 48	lillibet and ccherie.......you both are truly inspirational to us all. Your suggestions and advices have been outstanding...........keep up with good messages for us all! Rlds
8/1/2008 8:39:24 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
tat2grl Yukon, OK age: 30	Quote from lillibet: That was really something ...In my case both my ex husband and ex date said my disabilty was a burden...I have no desire to be a burden to anyone..I am very independent too much so but that is who i am and have become that way due to lack of acceptance in society..I dont have a physical disability I am hearing impaired ...However I do converse just as readily as the next person.My speech is normal I am an excellent lipreader and for many years have been a teacher of Sign Language for those who were born deaf and havent ever heard speech also taught adults with acquired hearing loss such as mine..Been a teacher for many years in Adult Aural Rehabilitation and speech reading and a teachers aide special sensory working with children.... I cant believe that I have decidied to tell you and I guess now I will learn who wants to remain a friend and who doesnt.....And yes potential dates have rejected me because of this and yes it hurts a lot..It goes deep ...My wonderful sons and friends assure me always That in their eyes I do not have a disability...And I have to say my sons friends the younger generation have been absolutely wonderful to me and always treat me with respect..... I do not let my hearing loss stop me from doing anything I want I really just dont think about it at all...Bless you all be happy and may real love be yours............. Lillibet, I don't care what those ignorant people think...
8/1/2008 9:21:57 PM	Dis-ability-of mine
lillibet New South Wales Australia age: 51	:Oh My God tat and rids oh you lovely lovely girls I'm typing through blurred eyes thankyou so very much love to you both... gee thats beautiful love the sign..I love you too..
8/2/2008 6:03:36 AM	Dis-ability-of mine
pichick712 Brookhaven, PA age: 50	Wow, not too many guys like you out there in the world and whoever manages to capture your heart will be one lucky woman!!!! Spinal stenosis while being degenerative is certainly manageable and you are absolutely right in saying none of us know what might happen "tomorrow". Fate seems to have a hand in that or God, should that be what you believe. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us.
8/2/2008 9:50:12 AM	Dis-ability-of mine
testinggrounds Queen Creek, AZ age: 40	In closing, thank you all so much for your comments. Truly some fantastic people on this site who deserve each other, with or without disability it really doesn't matter.. What matters is LOVE… On a inspirational note for DH I’ve committed yesterday to a relationship that I would have been a fool to have passed up.. Her name is Michelle and is truly an amazingly inspirational woman.. I’ll write soon about our adventure to the mountains yesterday,, it will be a great read.

megapersonals

megahookup login