F**KIN MEN

Well I meet this guy on this site. I talk to him for a few days, good conversation at first, he was easy to talk to. Then the second time I talk to him he says" ooh when I talked to you yesterday you seemed like a ditz,Not sure I even spelled that right but ooh well. He said it was"cute" though. Then we make plans to get together, I said well he had a few beers so I will just forget what he said, people say things when they are drunk blah blah blah. Including myself I will add. So I give him the benefit of the doubt> I agree to meet him, now mind you Its really hot in my house, no ac or anything, so I thought I'd wear my black dress. Well he pulls up jumps out of his truck, we chat a little bit, we are drinking some beers. I'm nervous of course so I start tripping over my tongue. Then I decide to put on something a little more comfortable later on b-cuz it was getting cold out. He comes back in and says " ooh you changed your clothes, I really didnt like that black dress it made you look big, but what you have on now looks great. Then he proceeds to tell me that my car looks funny, I drive a 2007 honda civic, Then I show him my shoulder and say" I think it has sand in it from when my sons dad dragged me with his car. He says" feels like dry skin to me" omg. So I forget all these insults a few drinks later. Then he wants a kiss, so I give him a kiss. For the first time in a very Loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time, I could actually feel something. I havent felt in so many years I forgot what it was like. But to make this long story short. He invites me over for dinner the next night. I get to his house, hes making dinner, didnt even shower yet( mind you that made me feel like he werent trying to impress me.> yeah he worked all day and he had to pick up his kids, So I said to myself "well thats understandable, so I let that slide, barely even talks to me , yawns the whole time I'm there, we sit down to have dinner and hes reading a frigging magazine, wow I feel real special at this point. So I make it a point to say " wow your not much of a conversationalist. He looked at me and said" ooh I'm sorry I'm just looking to see what competition he has for his job, you think that would be a hint, but he didnt get it, he went right back to reading. I was so tired and my son wanted to sleep over so I slept on the couch and he went upstairs to his bedroom. My point is the night before he was kissing me and he gave me a hug, then the next night he seemed like he didnt want anything to do with me. I ask myself why the f--- did he ask me to come over anyway? Then he decides to text me, then he calls me and leaves me a message, then he sees me on the internet and sends me a message. Ya know he was everything I was looking for in a man:so I thought: for the first time in a very long time I opened up to someone and let my guard down, and he treated me like I wasnt even there. But Ya know what I have been to hell and back and I will move on. My dad died last year, my boyfriend at the time,we broke up. My moms not doing so well, and my sons father could give a tinkers damn about him. I give my heart and my soul, and yet I still feel like a nothing.