Forums: Groups: Single Parents: Confused and not sure what to do or expect

this is very true specially in the state of texas. I currently just moved out of texas and have custody of my 10 year old daughter. her mother was very protective of her and a very good mother but when the break up happened and she decided to leave and left our daughter and took her son I obtained custody. now she is pissed , tried to sign her rights away , and now doesnt even want to see her and just had another baby. sooo with that said I think it has more of a big deal of not having their way then seeing their child. every mother or father wants to see their child.........its just the hard headed thing that lets their emotions take over and not look at the big picture of a child not getting to have the mother or father figure in their life. you can not stop visitation even if they do not pay child support , only if that person is a threat to the child can visitation come to an end and people will say the biggest lies to obtain what they want. I`m pretty sure the mother or father will not harm the child but rather you the one that person is being pissed at. it doesnt matter how many addictions or criminal activity that person has on their background as long as they are looking out for that childs best interest. most all the time everything someone is saying about what their going to do is threats with no way to back it up. also in the state of texas if one person that has custody leaves and the other has already left it can be a race to the court house to obtain custody. the first one there can get sole custody at the state that you move to if you ever decide to leave you best hall a** or the other party can beat you to it. just advice I got from my free lawyer , and you can get legal advice for free in the state of texas by calling this number 866-292-4636 texas hotline between the hours of 1pm-7pm.

just to clarify why I say about the addictions and criminal thing , I have 8 prior felony convictions , been to prison from mississippi to texas and washington state. got my g.e.d and went to college while there and finished with certificates , m.r.t ,aa , na , and anger management. the sky is the limit on what you can achieve in your life. I now own a convenience store , a house and the most precious thing that is in my life is my daughter. just remember never deny the right for your child to see their mother or father and never talk bad about them to your child cause when your child grows up and tracks them down they will be mad at you for talking shit. let them find out from them why they didnt want to be around. your child should never be scared unless there is someone saying something negative. children know alot more then you think they do and they hear alot more then you think they do.

8/7/2008 5:29:28 PM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
missing_out Farmersville, TX age: 27	Maybe someone has been in this situation and can help me out, no one around me seems to understand. I am a single mom raising 2 girls of my own. My first child came from a bad marriage, when the divorce was final he walked away from his daughter never seen her again or sent a dime. When I got pregnant with my youngest, her "father" repeatedly said to have an abortion because he changed his mind about wanting a child and wasnt going to support her. She is now 5 years old, he has only seen her twice in her life the last time when she was 2 months old. Only pays child support every so often to keep from going to jail. He has never called to see how she is doing has never sent a card or gift on holidays, NOTHING!! After my FORMER best friend got out of prison, she decided to give him my cell phone number. The day she had surgery he sent me a text message saying, "Just seeing how my daughter is, sorry about the child support, if you need anything let me know." Sorry doesnt cut it not paying child support to help support a human being he helped bring into this world. I told him she had surgery and he never asked what for and how she is. Everyday i get text messages from him, not asking how she is. I asked him why all of a sudden has he decided to get in contact with me after 5 years? Last year he took me to court after the child support order got modified trying to get full custody because he didnt want to pay more in child support. He thought $100 a month was enough support. That court case was dissmissed because I no longer live where he filed. I am wondering is he up to something, trying to get visitation so he can take her? Does he really want to be in her life? My daughter doesnt know him and is scared to death and says she doesnt want to see him. She cried every night during the court battle because she doesnt want to get taken away from me. When we was together he had a very bad drinking and drug problem, that is why I walked away from the relationship. Is it possible reality struck and he woke up and realized what hes missing out on? I have never stopped him from seeing her, but I do know if he wants to see her now, there will be a cop present. How does a Dad walk out on a child than try and come back? I am trying to be nice and handle the situation in a good way, I do want my child to have a "father" in her life, but I dont want him to walk in and out of her life as he pleases. Advice please would be so helpful if anyone has walked in the same shoes.
8/8/2008 6:30:24 AM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
kissesfrogs Little Falls, NJ age: 44	Laws are different in all states, but child support is generally REQUIRED in some form or another. In my state if it's not paid through Probation they will enforce the order. My son's father walked out of our lives just before he was born. When he was younger he saw him sporadically. I always had the fear that he would "take" my son to get back at me. His visition started and ended at the police station because he had a wicked bad temper. My son used to scream for hours when he had to go and while he was there. Eventually the ex stopped trying, and now has as little to do with my son as possible. He does pay support though because I make sure the payments are in when they're supposed to be, and if not I contact Probation. I would definitely ask the court for supervised visition if your ex has drug/alcohol problems. It would be great if he finally realized what a gift children are, but I would be extremely skeptical until proven otherwise. Good Luck to you.
8/10/2008 12:22:09 PM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
missing_out Farmersville, TX age: 27	He finally let me know his intentions, hes taking me back to court to get his child support modified and reduced. With his new job he cant afford the $381 a month child support, supposedly he only brings home $545 a month. Minimum wage pays better than that so I dont know what kind of job he has. After that is done with, he said he is coming to Texas to hire an attorney to take me to court yet again for custody. So that is how that works, get child support reduced to hire a attorney? He also suggested signing over his rights so he doesnt have to pay child support any more. Trying not to worry about it since I know the felonys he has, I guess he just likes to waste money on attorneys and court fees. With his background I was told he would only get supervised visitation. And if he wants to see her he has to come to Texas at his expense. Its sad to think, all the fathers that want to be in their childs life and cant be, than theres idiots like him that can be in the childs life and doesnt want to because all he cares about is the money.
8/10/2008 5:24:11 PM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
kissesfrogs Little Falls, NJ age: 44	well, best of luck to you. It's such a hard thing to have to go through - although I can't believe he can afford an attorney while making so little money. Perhaps it's just empty threats. Honestly I believe you and your daughter are better off without him in your lives. As long as your happy, they will be happy, like I said mine is 14 and while there are times I want to throttle him, overall he's a great kid, and when I look at him I realize I did this The absolute best feeling in the world! This is a great support group so rely on opinions, even if they differ from yours, you can gain valuable info. Again, best of luck! Susan
8/13/2008 1:59:13 AM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
simplebeauty182 Alvarado, TX age: 25	I've never been in your situation. Glad to hear your finally know his true intentions but I do have to agree..sounds like empty threats . It almost sounds like he wants you to just tell him to sign his rights && as bad as it is to say that may be the best thing for your daughter. Instead of him being in and out of her life when its conivient[[ sry i can't spell]] for him or saves him money. Just remember your daughter will be grateful to you that you have always been the one there for her. Good luck & stay strong!!
8/13/2008 6:48:01 AM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
chellenc2008 Clayton, NC age: 40	Quote from missing_out: He finally let me know his intentions, hes taking me back to court to get his child support modified and reduced. With his new job he cant afford the $381 a month child support, supposedly he only brings home $545 a month. Minimum wage pays better than that so I dont know what kind of job he has. After that is done with, he said he is coming to Texas to hire an attorney to take me to court yet again for custody. So that is how that works, get child support reduced to hire a attorney? He also suggested signing over his rights so he doesnt have to pay child support any more. Trying not to worry about it since I know the felonys he has, I guess he just likes to waste money on attorneys and court fees. With his background I was told he would only get supervised visitation. And if he wants to see her he has to come to Texas at his expense. Its sad to think, all the fathers that want to be in their childs life and cant be, than theres idiots like him that can be in the childs life and doesnt want to because all he cares about is the money. he's trying to bully you... I went through something similar. First, he asked me to allow him to sign over his rights, I refused. Then, he DID take me to court trying to get joint custody. I was the primary parent and had been for awhile. The judge laughed, yes, actually laughed, at him. He told him, "Even if I was stupid enough to grant joint custody, you would still be paying child support". He doesn't have felonies, is not a drug/alcohol addict, and isn't abusive. Then, he tried the whole "DNA" thing. I had my kids at the lab very fast because I have no doubts. He never went to the lab for his DNA contribution. He left the state with no forwarding address. Once we found him again, he admitted in court he had no doubts about being the father. They were ready to escort him immediately to a lab if he still insisted on a test. I see in your original post he has not paid child support on a regular basis. A judge should have that information (make sure!), especially if it was court ordered and garnished from his wages. As far as him taking custody, as long as you are being a good parent, there is no reason to remove the child from your care. If he has not been in her life and is paying child support only often enough to stay out of jail, that is not stability and a judge should take that into consideration. Thankfully, in my case, the kids dad has improved. It took him having an arrest warrant out on him and losing his drivers license temporarily, but he finally woke up. He was a great dad when they were very young, even after we split. Then he went haywire for a few years, took off and refused to follow court orders he initiated, and didn't want to pay or see them. Now he's paying child support - scared as hell to be thrown into jail, and tries to see them a couple times a year - we live in different states. Please check with an attorney if you haven't already. It will help with the stress he is feeding you if you have knowledge of what he can and cannot do. [Edited 8/13/2008 7:05:23 AM]
8/15/2008 12:18:39 AM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
planejumper73 Milford, MI age: 35	Quote from missing_out: He finally let me know his intentions, hes taking me back to court to get his child support modified and reduced. With his new job he cant afford the $381 a month child support, supposedly he only brings home $545 a month. Minimum wage pays better than that so I dont know what kind of job he has. After that is done with, he said he is coming to Texas to hire an attorney to take me to court yet again for custody. So that is how that works, get child support reduced to hire a attorney? He also suggested signing over his rights so he doesnt have to pay child support any more. Trying not to worry about it since I know the felonys he has, I guess he just likes to waste money on attorneys and court fees. With his background I was told he would only get supervised visitation. And if he wants to see her he has to come to Texas at his expense. Its sad to think, all the fathers that want to be in their childs life and cant be, than theres idiots like him that can be in the childs life and doesnt want to because all he cares about is the money. In most states if he hasn't made an attempt to exercise visitation rights within a certain period/length of time, you can petition the court to have his rights taken away. I would say, that if he hasn't seen her in a while to contact whatever court entity handles child support and custody and ask them for advice/information.
8/15/2008 6:44:22 PM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
onetoknow Idabel, OK age: 35	In most states if he hasn't made an attempt to exercise visitation rights within a certain period/length of time, you can petition the court to have his rights taken away. I would say, that if he hasn't seen her in a while to contact whatever court entity handles child support and custody and ask them for advice/information.
8/16/2008 2:05:13 PM	Confused and not sure what to do or expect
missing_out Farmersville, TX age: 27	So confused, my head is spinning!! Not sure if he threats was just empty threats or what the deal. After threating to take the child away, he has asked if we could get back together. After 6 years of not talking to him, and he called the other day, we had a civil conversation, no yelling, no argueing, he told me some of the things that was going on in his life. I just listened to what he had to say. For the sake of our child I am trying to give him a second chance without the courts being involved. There is no visitation order, so I am kind of scared of the visit he plans on making in a few weeks. He had asked if he could stay with us when he comes to visit. I want a cop or constable there during the visit because I really dont know what he has planned. I want my child to know her dad, I want him a part of her life. But I am not looking to get back with him. There is still a lot of hurt and pain from the relationship we had. And the hurt when he just walked out and stayed gone for so long never calling or visiting her. I just hope I am doing the right thing. I know people change, and I really hope he has for the better.