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| 9/4/2008 10:04:18 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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jball303030
Cottage Grove, WI
age: 35
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All you can do is keep talking to him and try to steer him the write way.Hes at a rough age and his ideas and opionions will still change more than once in the next few years.I wouldnt worrie to much at this age about collage yet.Wait and see what he feels about it when he starts highschool.
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| 9/6/2008 6:18:42 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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singlefather216
Jordan, MN
age: 22 online now!
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He's only 12. At that age i was thinking of the same thing, not going to college cuz i hated school and so on. but as he gets older he will realize that college will be the best for him. Just keep talking to him and encouraging him to go but dont bother him too much.
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| 9/6/2008 8:59:57 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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75matthew
Bedford, TX
age: 33
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if i were you i'd suggest to his father to be more supportive of him getting a higher education. if his father has told him it's no big deal to not get one, then that was probably what sealed the deal in your son's mind. it sounds a bit irresponsible to me for a grown man that should know the value of continued education to suggest to his son that it really isn't important. it's true that some people do very well without going to college but that's the exception not the norm.
if his father won't be of any help, be sure not to push the subject on your son too much. he's still only 12 and has a lot to go through before he needs to worry about college. keep preparing for him to go but don't be pushy or obvious about it. subtle hints along the way will do wonders. get him involved in sports if he's not already, that will keep him out of bad crowds and among people that are looking forward to college. his friends just might do most of the work for you.
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| 9/6/2008 9:28:11 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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energy22
Philadelphia, PA
age: 47
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one thing i think its change we all resist to change second hes probably afraid and dont forget rebellion time is aproaching also he needs to know somewhare he has a choice weather to go to college or not by telling him he has no CHOICE and in reality we really cant make them do aything now can we? im not taking sides with the child its a lil physciolgy to be applied, and at this age hes almost a teenager alot of stuff happens emotonally at that time at least it did for me, a good idea may be insted of telling him what hes gonna do tell him how it was for you at his age changing schools and all,what you were told and how it worked out and what you have seen happen for your self try not to point it at him directly so he doesnt feel like hes being told,if he relates he may give you insight as to what is goin on with him in regards to school or how hes feeling period, theres this thing i say the kid and the candy dish theroy i call it WHEN YOU TELL A KID HE CAN ONLY EAT TWO PIECES OF CANDY OUT OF THE BOWL AND THATS IT USUALLY THEY EAT IT ALL TELL THEM HAVE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT AND THEY WONT EAT NEAR AS MUCH,they may not be true lol but get my point,he may need to know he has a choice in the matter thats what ive done with my dauther,and she didnt go to school for a whole year she had to work through some issues a suicde attempt among them and wasnt going to school afterwad a year later cried to go back,became an honor student near perfect attendance and was proclaimed a national honor student was invited to the national youth leadership forum on medicine at villinova university in her junior year and now attends gwenned mercy collage caridovascular technology program as a freshman ALL OUT OF BEING GIVEN A CHOICE, I THINK THE THERAPY IS A GOOD IDEA BTW STAY OUT THE PHYSCIC MED TRAP they tried that with my kid i forbade it the therpy worked,,and ofcourse the i ssues my child had has nothing to do with your child at all i just wanted to tell that story lol, and also at that age they start to get lazy and wanna do things the way they want
[Edited 9/6/2008 9:37:42 PM]
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| 9/8/2008 10:47:45 AM |
Need some parental advice... |
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breeze341
Denver, CO
age: 41
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my son is now 21 but I remember that time. Oh boy, it was NOT fun. If I had a chance to do it all over again I would have done some things differently.
Most important right now: Remember he is going through a lot of changes himself and is probably struggling with a few self confidence issues.
The additional push for college right now is not going to help. Yes the best thing is to try to open a lot of doors of communication. Give him time to be comfortable being in a new school and going through all the different changes. Have him keep up with his grades but once again do not force the issue of college. Give him incentives for good grades. Save it until he is halfway or at the end of his freshman year of high school.
Best of luck to you.
[Edited 9/8/2008 10:51:42 AM]
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| 9/8/2008 11:10:48 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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flyingdutchman
San Diego, CA
age: 43
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I posted this in another room although it may be applicable here too-
Yes, being a single parent is challenging as this is not what was intended. Although situations vary it is agreed that aside from the narcissism the children are the ones who suffer the most. We as parents are conditioned to perseverance whereas children are assumed to be resilient. But to what extreme can a child maintain this resilience before grief needs attending to. Most of us never consider the silent suffering of a child; even so ~ if we recognize it what is done to remedy the situation. Most studies indicate that if it is not handled early-on, eventually it will manifest into more severe emotion damage.
Hindsight is 20/20; for those of us who are single parent as a result of a divorce wish we had that “crystal Ball” prior to those magic words “I DO”, contraire~ others who may have lost their spouse(s) to death. Either scenario however most single parents will over compensate because of the guilt they feel for their children; although this may seem to be a viable solution to most, educational statistics dictate this is harmful to the Childs welfare as they become dependant and cannot develop their own self support system hence enabling is a crippling effect for life.
As parents, regardless of marital status it is our duty to prepare our children for adulthood. Being your child’s best friend will not work, as they need boundaries. We as parents can set these ‘boundaries’ utilizing our skills, providing we seek these ‘skills’ from accredited non bias support groups. By far ~ love, patience, understanding, and communication are the best tools for parenting, furthermore however if 9:00 o’clock is bed time then ‘so be it’ do not negotiate, in the long run you will have there respect. On the other hand if giving your child a piece of candy solves the problem remember one thing, in the end you will be the ‘sucker’.
Although for the most of us we wish our ‘bitter’ half’s would play an amicable role in our children’s lives sometimes this is just not a reality, therefore we must pick up the slack, and never (although we may want to) sound off any derogatoriness about the children’s Mom or Dad for this approach will ultimately cause resentment from the child.
Dutch-
Single Father of Three
Advocate for Children and Parents
www.parentprisonerchildhostage.com
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| 9/16/2008 8:17:57 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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egglebert
Steinbach, MB
age: 46
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That is a tough age, the pre-teens. They want to take on this independance yet they do not really know as much as they think they do. At that age, boy's at typically not thinking very far down the road and it's near impossible to assist them in planning ahead.
What is difficult for you is the fact that your ex is not helping the situation by facilitating the wrong attitude. Boy's at that age will tend to drift to their father.
I have no advice but wish you the best in your efforts and your son's choices.
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