Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?

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9/5/2008 10:14:28 PM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
labellavita1985 Wenatchee, WA age: 23	Sorry to be a buzzkill with a serious question but I want your guys' opinions/thoughts. Why is it that someone like myself, who doesn't seem airheaded or slutty has a pretty decent job and no slutty pics, only gets messages from guys who either... A. Are still living at home working a minimum wage job and slacking off or... B. Wonder if I want to "hook up"? Is there nobody else? I am well educated and successful in terms of a fullfilling job, not money but I live comfortably. I am the kind of girl who will go paintballing with my bf and then get dressed up for dinner at night. Sure I like to read but I can pretty much quote Wedding Crashers word for word. I am a pretty good catch, what's up? Is it too much to ask to find a guy who has a job, an apt or house, and a little motivation in life??? And no I DON'T WANT TO HOOK UP! Haha
9/5/2008 11:05:26 PM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
leoknight28 Puyallup, WA age: 28	I don't see what living at home would have to do with anything. There could be a myriad of circumstances that would keep someone living at home. What happens if that person can't find a job or can't afford to move out on their own even with a job? I'll be honest about it: I live at home. I'm not ashamed of it. Even when I had job, I could never afford to move out on my own. I don't have a job at the moment because I choose to finish my college degree and I'm not great at multi-tasking. I have a great financial aid award and I'm not going to blow it because I can't concentrate solely on school. I'd say I've been extremely lucky to have my parents here to support me and allow my brother and I to live in their house. I know successful people who have jobs and live at home, and they're older than me. It shouldn't be about that anyway, in my opinion. Just because someone doesn't have a job or an apartment/house whatever, doesn't mean they're not worth your time. As I said, there could be any number of circumstances for things, and to judge someone based on that is cold. It's no wonder why the guys here say that Women in Washington are stand-offish...because of comments like that. And also, if you have a boyfriend already, what are you doing on a dating site? Honestly, with an attitude like that, I wouldn't want to hook up with you.
9/6/2008 12:55:05 AM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
musenut Olympia, WA age: 53	leok : gotta read more carefully if you expect to do well in school(and life !)and make sense in topics ! Labellavita didn't say she had a boyfriend. She just said that if she DID, she was " the kind of girl who will go paintballing with my bf and then get dressed up for dinner at night." Labellavita : I've been watching and learning about men and women for a while now, and its CLEAR men and women seem to VALUE their traits VERY differently. Thats the way its supposed to be, because ultimately, men and women are two sides of a survival unit. In short, what men NEED and WANT is not necessarily what women NEED and WANT; the majority of women can NOT do the things MEN can do as easily and as well as MEN do, and trust me, visa versa. For survival over the last 3 or 4 million years, this differentiation has worked well. If you think about these concepts, then one should arrive at the question you are asking. I am here, I think I'm pretty wonderful. Where are the guys who SEE this and WANT what I've got ? The answer, of course, is to build yourself into a person that "relates" well to men ! I suspect this isn't a very popular answer but too bad, it appears to be true. And here's the skinny on what I see of this subject so far. But first, a small point. You are YOUNG. And you appear to be seeking a YOUNG man. Those are somewhat rare. Whats NOT rare are young BOYS ! For you see, becoming a "man" is NOT very easy in our culture, and in truth, becoming a "man" often takes DECADES or more ! And yes, the world is changing SO FAST and the job situation is so difficult, it seems a LOT of guys are having a hard time getting going. Well, I didn't work my first corporate job until I was 29 ! Then I quickly worked my way to greater and greater (job)responsibility and then RETIRED at age 45 ! With two houses and cars and boats fully paid off. Yet, YOU would have thought I was a "slacker" in my 20s too...rightly so ! Sometimes it just takes some time to get going...LOL So...you might indeed be a little too quick to judge these "boys" growing into "men"... But back to the skinny. Its not just you. I've read thousands and thousands of ads by women that all pretty much say the same thing...over and over again. The main points are: They haven't accomplished anything really challenging, they have a very limited viewpoint on the world, they have a pretty limited database(empty head), they are largely emotional and unpredictable and untrustworthy, they want something for nothing, they made all sorts of mistakes and want someone to help them, and its all about THEM. Of course, some of this doesn't apply to you. Actually, you are claiming to be relatively financially independent, educated, and willing to hang out doing "guy" things. Thats a good start ! I think that makes you reasonably attractive "as a partner"...but is it really ENOUGH ? Your job description doesn't strike ME as being good enough for a financial partner when it takes about $2500 a month(roughly) from BOTH partners to run a middle-upperclass household(or more depending on where one is). And do you have enough savings to help provide a down payment on real estate ? Have you read enough books on relationships and interpersonal communications and successfully practiced enough to become a GOOD partner ? (How about all those young "boys" ?) You know, I've met a couple of women who stepped up the plate of life very well. Both of them were READY with sizeable savings for down payments and family costs and retirement funds BEFORE they went shopping for a real partner. They both had BUILT themselves into positive, aware and saavy personalities with POSITIVE attitudes. They worked hard to keep themselves in shape and healthy. In short, they were determined to be the best they could be...including a readiness to work hard and do whatever it took to SUCCEED. And because they built themselves into good people AND good PARTNERS, they found equally good PARTNERS looking for and interested in THEM...the catch is, it took a while to grow into good WOMEN so they didn't partner up until the mid-30s. Some do it much earlier too. But if you expect young "boys" to be that evolved today in their 20's, well, thats a pretty unlikely event. If all you want is a bf though, you might as well loosen up your requirements and keep kissing frogs until you make yourself "irresistable" by being a good friend, playmate, partner and lover. Hope this helps ! Good luck...no one said its ever EASY....LOL
9/6/2008 9:04:32 PM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
1redneckguy Federal Way, WA age: 26	you live in Wenatchee jmo I dont live with my mom and I have a good job and I am looking for more then a hookup
9/7/2008 1:08:45 AM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
thefreeviper Tacoma, WA age: 22	well i would honestly have to say that i think you might be looking in the wrong places, and the wrongs ways. ( not to be mean by saying that) many of guys my age ( 22) are looking to get some, so thats why there on these sites. its hard to find people that are seriouse and themselves on here. and then over that most younger people are just looking at still having fun out there, and arent looking at there future they just care about now. the whole good job thing i dont think youll find in most people. its hard to have a good job at this age. it takes good brains, or a good amount of college. and thats not for everyone you know. anyways though i would have to say just do what you like, and find someone there. say you like to bowl alot, or play pool, or whatever you like to do. find someone there that you see alot, and you can tell that they like to do that aswell.
9/7/2008 8:03:20 AM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
drummaster777 Auburn, WA age: 33	Wait, I get it. There's another thread just like this except it's about how Washington women are so scared and aloof....except this one is about why Washington men are scared. She turned the tables! Genius, just genius!
9/7/2008 5:46:31 PM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
labellavita1985 Wenatchee, WA age: 23	Thank you guys for all of your thoughts and suggestions, although some were more helpful than others. leoknight28- I am sorry if I offended you with this post but maybe you should ask yourself why you took it so personally. I had never even looked at your profile or spoken to you before I wrote it so it was most certainly not a personal attack. You got pretty defensive though so apparently I hit a nerve with the living at home thing. I wish you would have REALLY read my post before making assumptions. "Are still living at home working a minimum wage job and slacking off" That's what I said. You stated you were in college working on a degree, that's not slacking off. Every circumstance is different and I don't know your story. I am referring to the guys who don't want to do anything with their lives and are using their parents. I don't know if that is you or not. I will listen to see what the reasoning is and I am not quick to judge. My main reason for not wanting to date a guy that still lives at home is that we are in very different places in our lives. I dated a guy for 3 years and we moved in together(he was living at home and I already had an apt at the time) he was absolutely unprepared for what it was like. He had never had to worry about rent, electric, water, sewer, garbage etc. It put an enormous amount of stress on us and we broke up shortly before our 4th anniversary. I have experienced independence and I want someone who also has. I don't think that makes me judgemental. And I really don't think I came across as having an attitude. I am a very open minded person. To the rest of you thank you for taking the time to actually READ my post I appreciate your thoughts very much. Oh and Musenut is your screenname for the band Muse? If so, they are one of my favorites
9/7/2008 6:14:09 PM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
meg1970 Port Angeles, WA age: 38	Quote from labellavita1985: Thank you guys for all of your thoughts and suggestions, although some were more helpful than others. leoknight28- I am sorry if I offended you with this post but maybe you should ask yourself why you took it so personally. I had never even looked at your profile or spoken to you before I wrote it so it was most certainly not a personal attack. You got pretty defensive though so apparently I hit a nerve with the living at home thing. I wish you would have REALLY read my post before making assumptions. "Are still living at home working a minimum wage job and slacking off" That's what I said. You stated you were in college working on a degree, that's not slacking off. Every circumstance is different and I don't know your story. I am referring to the guys who don't want to do anything with their lives and are using their parents. I don't know if that is you or not. I will listen to see what the reasoning is and I am not quick to judge. My main reason for not wanting to date a guy that still lives at home is that we are in very different places in our lives. I dated a guy for 3 years and we moved in together(he was living at home and I already had an apt at the time) he was absolutely unprepared for what it was like. He had never had to worry about rent, electric, water, sewer, garbage etc. It put an enormous amount of stress on us and we broke up shortly before our 4th anniversary. I have experienced independence and I want someone who also has. I don't think that makes me judgemental. And I really don't think I came across as having an attitude. I am a very open minded person. To the rest of you thank you for taking the time to actually READ my post I appreciate your thoughts very much. Oh and Musenut is your screenname for the band Muse? If so, they are one of my favorites I can agree with her 100% about the not wanting a guy that still lives at home with his parents. PLEASE....give me a break, what woman wants to have sex with a guy that lives with his parents, and give his parents an earful of moans and groans and yelling out his name......LOL.....jk!!!! Besides,IMHO, she is right about being at different places in life, and she is more mature and independent now at this stage of her life and looking for the same in the man she wishes to have in her life. So, any single guy out there that complains about this part may either still live at home or still spend alot of time holding onto mommy's apron strings. Like I said its JMHO......
9/7/2008 6:37:37 PM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
musenut Olympia, WA age: 53	labella : Appreciate your well balanced and well written response to leok ! With that kind of outlook...you can go far... As for being a Muse fan, I get that question a LOT. And I'm in the process of contacting their business manager to see if I can get paid for all the free advertising I give them !!
9/8/2008 10:10:00 AM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
leoknight28 Puyallup, WA age: 28	Quote from labellavita1985: Thank you guys for all of your thoughts and suggestions, although some were more helpful than others. leoknight28- I am sorry if I offended you with this post but maybe you should ask yourself why you took it so personally. I had never even looked at your profile or spoken to you before I wrote it so it was most certainly not a personal attack. You got pretty defensive though so apparently I hit a nerve with the living at home thing. I wish you would have REALLY read my post before making assumptions. "Are still living at home working a minimum wage job and slacking off" That's what I said. You stated you were in college working on a degree, that's not slacking off. Every circumstance is different and I don't know your story. I am referring to the guys who don't want to do anything with their lives and are using their parents. I don't know if that is you or not. I will listen to see what the reasoning is and I am not quick to judge. My main reason for not wanting to date a guy that still lives at home is that we are in very different places in our lives. I dated a guy for 3 years and we moved in together(he was living at home and I already had an apt at the time) he was absolutely unprepared for what it was like. He had never had to worry about rent, electric, water, sewer, garbage etc. It put an enormous amount of stress on us and we broke up shortly before our 4th anniversary. I have experienced independence and I want someone who also has. I don't think that makes me judgemental. And I really don't think I came across as having an attitude. I am a very open minded person. To the rest of you thank you for taking the time to actually READ my post I appreciate your thoughts very much. Oh and Musenut is your screenname for the band Muse? If so, they are one of my favorites First of all, I did indeed READ your post. My response may not be what you wanted to hear, but I can tell you for certain that I READ it, and responded how I thought I should. I'm sorry if I sounded like it was a personal thing...I do get riled up fairly quickly when I see something I don't like. I understand the need to have stability and things like that but, you have to start somewhere with it. I mean, I'm sure you remember what it's like to first be out on your own and have to deal with all the headache that comes with bills. I'm sorry that stress broke up your relationship but, like I said, everyone has to start somewhere with it. Seems like a bit of a waste to rule out all those who've never experienced living on their own. Not everyone would react the same way, I can promise you that. I appreciate your clearing things up a bit though. Again, I'm sorry if I came across as it being personal...it is in a way personal to me for various reasons that I won't go into on here. I really don't want to end up sounding like more a jerk than I already did.
9/8/2008 6:50:29 PM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
mudrunking Shelton, WA age: 33	i live at home, i'm not staying at bills house or your house......i live at my house. when i say i'm going home.....this is where i go.....my house. i dont understand why living at my own house would be a issue with any girl i may date? did you want to date a homeless person?
9/8/2008 9:28:31 PM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
thefreeviper Tacoma, WA age: 22	no mudrunkin shes more talkin about the people that are living with there parents. not at there own house. now i agree with leoknight in a way though. i mean, if you look at it being out on your own at some point still wont make you an adult. it dont make you mature. you could have screwed it up and then someone is going to say they dont want that person b/c they screwed up there credit " so they have to be a bad person with there money". no just a aweful decision at 18. like take my example. i lived with my parents b4 i enlisted into the army. and now i live in the barracks. i still have no clue about paying bills. all i pay is my cell phone ( and thats in my parents name for reasons, so that when i deploy thats one bill i dont have to worry about being payed. it will be on and i just send her the money.) and i pay my insurance for my car. so does that make me unavailable to someone who wants someone with the " experience of bill paying". BUT in the other hand i agree with you. that its better to have someone that knows about those things. again my example of me. if i were go get a place on my own when i married someone what would happen. i dont know how to do all that stuff. i mean ya i pay my car insurance, but that comes outta my bank every month so i dont do anything for that. i wouldnt know where to go to get the right rates, or the right papers or whatever is needed for that stuff. so yes having someone with that experience is a good thing. NOW one last time leoknight makes a good point. you have to start somewhere. ( im in no way mad, or outraged. just making a point that reading leoknight's post i agree with him in away. and at the same time agree with you)
9/9/2008 9:38:53 AM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
lifetimeskier Olympia, WA age: 47	My 1st marriage was at 20 and the guy lived at home...We dated and he and I moved into a place together...He and I lived seperate from his mom but she was always there...Always making sure he had everything...She never let him grow up...I do agree with the poster in asking that a guy be independent and has had the ability to be able to be free of moms apron strings...In my case it was a situation that his mother was actually somewhat jealous of me and she was never used to having to share her son with anyone...He led a sheltered life for sure...After the divorce I always have said hey why did the man need to have a wife when his mother constantly made him his lunches for work, prepared dinners for him and upon delivering those dinners to him cleaned the house...What the hell was I good for???I agree independence from mother is a must...
9/9/2008 9:46:04 AM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
leoknight28 Puyallup, WA age: 28	Quote from lifetimeskier: My 1st marriage was at 20 and the guy lived at home...We dated and he and I moved into a place together...He and I lived seperate from his mom but she was always there...Always making sure he had everything...She never let him grow up...I do agree with the poster in asking that a guy be independent and has had the ability to be able to be free of moms apron strings...In my case it was a situation that his mother was actually somewhat jealous of me and she was never used to having to share her son with anyone...He led a sheltered life for sure...After the divorce I always have said hey why did the man need to have a wife when his mother constantly made him his lunches for work, prepared dinners for him and upon delivering those dinners to him cleaned the house...What the hell was I good for???I agree independence from mother is a must... I agree with you on that one. If you're going to be independent, then be independent. That sounds like Ray Romano's mother on "Everybody Loves Raymond". She can never leave her son be, always trying to make sure he's got what he needs and always making snide comments about the wife. Funny how some of these comedians get real life down to a "T".
9/9/2008 10:12:06 AM	Why are WA men so scared/strange;)?
bigroqhrdkok Bremerton, WA age: 24	Ok I know I might not know much in this world but I do know that relationships are tricky and if you judge everyone by where they live and the job they have then you will be lonely now I am not saying that you cant find a man/woman that has a good job and lives on their own and is going some where in live but it all comes down to their goals. Right now I do nor have a job but i have an apt. and I am working on my goals in life to create music. Yes i understand that the posting refers to those who are living at home and min. wage job and slacking off but to everyone, slacking off has different meanings. So it depends on who is reading the post and their meaning of slacking off. For all I know someone may think I am slacking off because I have no job but I am working on my goal to get music. well that is my two cents take it or leave do what you want with it advise and knowledge are free do with it what you want

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