| 9/11/2008 10:40:55 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
age: 45 online now!
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I've been single now for quite a few years and there is a phenonmenon that has always bothered me. You get to know people. You put yourself out there. A person might be kinda talking to two or three others and then you ask one of them out (or they might ask YOU out....whatever).
At what time do those other two or three people cease to become eligible to date?
I mean.....I take someone out.....should I tell the others...should I tell her about them?
If I date this first girl several times (with no talk of exclusivity) am I still obligated to cut it off with the others?
What are my obligations in terms of telling everyone who I'm seeing?
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| 9/11/2008 10:47:57 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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notfit1
Titusville, FL
age: 47
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Good question. When you find out, let me know. I have seen both sides of the spectrum, the men with the white lines on their ring fingers' chasing around like teenagers. I have also seen the gals with paper-weight sized wedding bands(stop signs) slobbering all over boys their son's age. That is just the ones with that sacred piece of paper claiming to be exclusive. Aside from that, who knows?
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| 9/11/2008 10:53:26 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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sherryb6
Aiken, SC
age: 27
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I don't believe there is anyone out there who doesn't appreciate honesty. I think that if you want to date several people, tell everyone involved. That way the other people can make up their own minds as to whether it is o.k. for them.
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| 9/11/2008 10:56:14 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
age: 45 online now!
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Yikes.....
I wasn't even thinking of inappropriate or lop-sided relationships.
I think when people date and they are not exclusive, they probably date several people....I THINK that's the way most people do it, anyway.
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| 9/11/2008 11:00:18 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
age: 45 online now!
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I don't believe there is anyone out there who doesn't appreciate honesty. I think that if you want to date several people, tell everyone involved. That way the other people can make up their own minds as to whether it is o.k. for them.
.....and we have some nice parting gifts for the young lady.........lol.
I don't know why you would think that. There gets to be jealousy.....They a**ume you can't get serious.....they start throwing the "P" word around.
Mind you.......this is all during the first initial dates.......no mention of being exclusive.
I seriously doubt this is a unique situation for just me.
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| 9/11/2008 11:04:49 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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sherryb6
Aiken, SC
age: 27
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I am fairly new to dating, so I'm not yet jaded, and out to get what I can. I have fun with my friends, and would hope for a more intimate relationship eventually with a date. How can anyone be intimate physically or emotionally when it's being spread around between several people. An intimate relationship certainly doesn't have to come with a life long commitment, but as long as it lasts, it should at least be honest.
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| 9/11/2008 11:12:06 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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italianlady05
Omaha, NE
age: 53
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hmmmm... I feel that if I've had a few dates, talked or texted alot with the same guy, that it's just understood that i'm being exclusive...i mean, if we are really hitting it off, then i don't WANT to date others..
so guys don't ever think this way too without having to say it outloud??
It's not like i want to say on the first or second date that "wow, i really like you so don't be seeing someone else when your not with me"....now that would be weird !
It'd kinda hurt my feelings to find out he was out with others after a great evening with me.....hmmmm....tell me guys, do you see how this could hurt a potential great relationship??
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| 9/11/2008 11:12:40 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
age: 45 online now!
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I am fairly new to dating, so I'm not yet jaded, and out to get what I can. I have fun with my friends, and would hope for a more intimate relationship eventually with a date. How can anyone be intimate physically or emotionally when it's being spread around between several people. An intimate relationship certainly doesn't have to come with a life long commitment, but as long as it lasts, it should at least be honest.
I'd hate to think I am jaded, but maybe I am......bummer.
Am I to believe that the first time I take someone out that no other romantic interests should be considered?........I thought that came after an agreement of being exclusive.....or going steady....or whatever it's called at my age.
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| 9/11/2008 11:15:52 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
age: 45 online now!
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hmmmm... I feel that if I've had a few dates, talked or texted alot with the same guy, that it's just understood that i'm being exclusive...i mean, if we are really hitting it off, then i don't WANT to date others..
so guys don't ever think this way too without having to say it outloud??
It's not like i want to say on the first or second date that "wow, i really like you so don't be seeing someone else when your not with me"....now that would be weird !
It'd kinda hurt my feelings to find out he was out with others after a great evening with me.....hmmmm....tell me guys, do you see how this could hurt a potential great relationship??
Then why would the line be drawn after a few dates?
Why not the first?
Why not after the first phone call?
See?......unless people actually speak about it....anyone can a**ume anything....and that way lies madness.
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| 9/11/2008 11:16:53 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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karmahappens
Peabody, MA
age: 38 online now!
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I think you become exclusive, when you find someone you want to be exclusive with..and you both decide thats what you want.but when your dating several people the conversation should come up about what you want and are looking for..I am generally dating, I am looking for a relationship ect...I dont think you have to come right out and say...I am dating YOU and 3 other people..but if someone asks the question answer it honestly..
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| 9/11/2008 11:20:46 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
age: 45 online now!
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I think you become exclusive, when you find someone you want to be exclusive with..and you both decide thats what you want.but when your dating several people the conversation should come up about what you want and are looking for..I am generally dating, I am looking for a relationship ect...I dont think you have to come right out and say...I am dating YOU and 3 other people..but if someone asks the question answer it honestly..
I always answer if asked......but I would never lead with it, either.
So you agree that it needs to be decided between the two when exclusivity is established?
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| 9/11/2008 11:22:47 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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sherryb6
Aiken, SC
age: 27
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You never know if you'll hit it off with the next person you meet, so sure keep your options open.
Obviously, being honest from the get go is not so easy.
Keep it upfront.
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| 9/11/2008 11:23:31 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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italianlady05
Omaha, NE
age: 53
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hmmmm... I feel that if I've had a few dates, talked or texted alot with the same guy, that it's just understood that i'm being exclusive...i mean, if we are really hitting it off, then i don't WANT to date others..
so guys don't ever think this way too without having to say it outloud??
It's not like i want to say on the first or second date that "wow, i really like you so don't be seeing someone else when your not with me"....now that would be weird !
It'd kinda hurt my feelings to find out he was out with others after a great evening with me.....hmmmm....tell me guys, do you see how this could hurt a potential great relationship??
Then why would the line be drawn after a few dates?
Why not the first?
Why not after the first phone call?
See?......unless people actually speak about it....anyone can a**ume anything....and that way lies madness.
well heck , you can't just lay all your cards on the table, so to speak after the first conversation or date or whatever...you have to figure out if this person is someone you want to get to know better and spend more time with..
but i know that , for myself, i have no desire to go out with others if the guy sparks my interest...but it's just too damn early in the getting to know each other time frame to start talking like you're "steady"...gees, i'd think that could scare the other person off like you were some clingy desperate moron...
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| 9/11/2008 11:23:36 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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missmmeoftheday
Brooklyn, NY
age: 42 online now!
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For many, I think the defining moment of exclusivity is sex.
Personally, I would not tell someone I was speaking to that I had gone on a date with someone else. One date is simply that- one date. It's a promise of nothing; it's simply the possibility of a second date. If I had ben on a number of dates with someone, and felt that there was a possibility of things moving beyond simply dating, then me, personally, I would probably opt out of dating others to focus on that relationship.
The reality is that this is the internet, and I think most of us simply a**ume that someone is talking to more than one person at a time. Simply because we can. JMO
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| 9/11/2008 11:28:46 AM |
So at what point do you BECOME exclusive? |
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italianlady05
Omaha, NE
age: 53
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For many, I think the defining moment of exclusivity is sex.
Personally, I would not tell someone I was speaking to that I had gone on a date with someone else. One date is simply that- one date. It's a promise of nothing; it's simply the possibility of a second date. If I had ben on a number of dates with someone, and felt that there was a possibility of things moving beyond simply dating, then me, personally, I would probably opt out of dating others to focus on that relationship.
The reality is that this is the internet, and I think most of us simply a**ume that someone is talking to more than one person at a time. Simply because we can. JMO
i think you found the answer.."defining moment of exclusivity is sex"...yes, i'd have to say that if he and I had moved forward and the bedroom scene was now a part of our dating/relationship, then we'd better BOTH be exclusive and definately at that point or BEFORE the bedroom, i'd have brought that subject up of being exclusive.
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