Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes

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10/6/2008 9:57:05 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	People hate to see other people suffer. Because we can't adequately say anything meaningful to really help anyone, we've created a huge number of canned responses which we say.....most are silly, but people believe them anyway. Probably the worst I have ever seen is "Have a positive attitude". It's become so ingrained that it's politically incorrect to deny having it. If you don't sport a positive attitude then you are somehow a worse person in society for it. Attitudes are our intellectual approach to situations and we DO make the call on how that happens. Here's my boggle about "positive attitude", though. We can't control how we feel. If I get dumped by the love of my life, it's going to hurt. I can keep telling myself, "Better luck next time. She smelled funny, anyway. It's good to be free of the old ball and chain," and so forth until I'm blue in the face, but there will be no change to my feelings unless I start believing the lies I'm telling myself…..but SHOULD we lie to ourselves? Make no mistake.......is IS lying to yourself. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that a "Positive Attitude" is nothing more than bravado accompanied by denial and self-deception. If I get dumped, then I get dumped. There's nothing more to it or less to it. I wrote a rant in another thread about 6x7=42. It basically said that no matter how much wailing and teeth-gnashing I do, it's always going to equal 42. The same thing applies here. Trying to spin events positive doesn't change them, and you aren't doing yourself any favors by re-wiring, ignoring, or denying reality. If a rabid wombat is chewing my foot off, telling myself that the frisky critter is giving me some tootsie kisses doesn't help the situation much. You hear people say, "Be honest with yourself," a lot. We hardly ever are, and pushing ourselves to have a positive attitude is one good example of how we aren't.
10/6/2008 10:12:03 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
mistymae34 Las Vegas, NV age: 34	Quote from arkansasnman: People hate to see other people suffer. Because we can't adequately say anything meaningful to really help anyone, we've created a huge number of canned responses which we say.....most are silly, but people believe them anyway. Probably the worst I have ever seen is "Have a positive attitude". It's become so ingrained that it's politically incorrect to deny having it. If you don't sport a positive attitude then you are somehow a worse person in society for it. Attitudes are our intellectual approach to situations and we DO make the call on how that happens. Here's my boggle about "positive attitude", though. We can't control how we feel. If I get dumped by the love of my life, it's going to hurt. I can keep telling myself, "Better luck next time. She smelled funny, anyway. It's good to be free of the old ball and chain," and so forth until I'm blue in the face, but there will be no change to my feelings unless I start believing the lies I'm telling myself…..but SHOULD we lie to ourselves? Make no mistake.......is IS lying to yourself. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that a "Positive Attitude" is nothing more than bravado accompanied by denial and self-deception. If I get dumped, then I get dumped. There's nothing more to it or less to it. I wrote a rant in another thread about 6x7=42. It basically said that no matter how much wailing and teeth-gnashing I do, it's always going to equal 42. The same thing applies here. Trying to spin events positive doesn't change them, and you aren't doing yourself any favors by re-wiring, ignoring, or denying reality. If a rabid wombat is chewing my foot off, telling myself that the frisky critter is giving me some tootsie kisses doesn't help the situation much. You hear people say, "Be honest with yourself," a lot. We hardly ever are, and pushing ourselves to have a positive attitude is one good example of how we aren't. Ok, this one is somewhat gloomy but it is over cast today and I feel like contributing. I do have to say you are correct to a degree; no matter what we tell ourselves the outcome is the same. However, our mood and projection of that mood can and does have a direct affect on how we choose to deal with the situation. A simple redirection of our thoughts away from the problem at hand opens the door to so many other possibilities. I don't care which way you cut it a positive attitude in almost any situation allow us as humans to see beyond the pain. Simply put a smile goes so much further than a frown. Who know, the door that smile just opened could be the one that leads to happier ever after (or a close to one that a person can get).
10/6/2008 10:15:07 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
evileddy Ottawa, ON age: 35	I like seeing people suffer. Also when a person is suffering.. they should always come to me and not someone who will just tell them to "tough it out" or "keep thinking positive" I'll give them a solution... which I will laugh at them if they don't do it and the same thing happens again. I'm positive like that.
10/6/2008 10:19:28 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
dprincess Concord, NC age: 45	As an optimist, I generally believe that people and events are inherently good, so that most situations work out in the end for the best. I see the glass as half full and not half empty. I pity those who are forever trying to fill their glass and forgetting to live life. When I do see thing that need change, I try and view it in a positive way. Viewing things negatively usually ends in negative results. I do not think "Trying to spin events positive doesn't change them, and you aren't doing yourself any favors by re-wiring, ignoring, or denying reality." However, I am not standing around and letting a wombat bite off any of my toes. I see running as a Positive reaction to that situation. I strongly urge everyone to let their positive attitude shine!!! [Edited 10/6/2008 10:20:19 AM]
10/6/2008 10:21:11 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	Quote from mistymae34: A simple redirection of our thoughts away from the problem at hand opens the door to so many other possibilities. I don't care which way you cut it a positive attitude in almost any situation allow us as humans to see beyond the pain. We can re-direct our thoughts away from a problem.....but that doesn't make problems go away. If that worked, then condoning denial would be legitimate.
10/6/2008 10:26:59 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
missmmeoftheday Brooklyn, NY age: 42	you're right AKman Keeping a positive attitude is nothing more than self-deception. Smiling when you feel like crying is a lie. It's all for naught.
10/6/2008 10:30:12 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	As an optimist, I generally believe that people and events are inherently good, so that most situations work out in the end for the best. I don't want to sound mean, but why would you think "events" are good. Some are and some aren't. Telling yoursaelf they are all good is a big fat fib, and misinformation won't help. I see the glass as half full and not half empty. I pity those who are forever trying to fill their glass and forgetting to live life. Positive attitude has no direct correlation to happiness. People say it does......people want to believe it does.....mainly, a positive attitude will primarily increase your disappointment when something goes wrong.......and things DO go wrong. When I do see thing that need change, I try and view it in a positive way. Viewing things negatively usually ends in negative results. Viewing things realistically yeilds real results. [Edited 10/6/2008 10:31:19 AM]
10/6/2008 10:30:41 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
mistymae34 Las Vegas, NV age: 34	Quote from arkansasnman: We can re-direct our thoughts away from a problem.....but that doesn't make problems go away. If that worked, then condoning denial would be legitimate. No, the problem will still exist but it allows time to view it from different aspects. Reaction without thought due to pain creates more pain in the end. Choosing to view any situation in a positive light does help a person grow, learn and move on. Every problem in a relationship has a solution, fact. Just because the solution is one that does not agree with how you feel your life should progress, does not give any of us a right to wallow, vent, or lie down and die. My point is; by viewing a problem from all angles, looking, and implementing the best course of action is in 99% of the time with a positive outlook. The problem is the negative aspect the solution should be the positive.
10/6/2008 10:33:58 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	Quote from mistymae34: My point is; by viewing a problem from all angles, looking, and implementing the best course of action is in 99% of the time with a positive outlook. The problem is the negative aspect the solution should be the positive. I would call that a thorough analytical approach, not a positive attitude. Incidently....you should always include a "worst case scenario" view in there as well.......even though it is the most negative by definition.
10/6/2008 10:40:48 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
evileddy Ottawa, ON age: 35	Plan for the worst.. hope for the best. That's how I roll.
10/6/2008 10:41:48 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
beanz991 Houston, TX age: 41	I have a negative view on most things. This is a positive in my opinion. If you have a negative view it makes you a good trouble shooter, someone who can get things fixed/resolved, someone that does not get duped or have a skewed view on life, someone that has a realistic outlook. Living in 'furry bunny land' seldom gets you anything except disappointment. Be positivity negative and your life will be richer, fuller and everything good that happens is a bonus and you will appreciate it more!
10/6/2008 10:43:49 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
stress_test Eltopia, WA age: 44 online now!	I also partly agree with your post. However not entirely. The old concept that fear, anger, sorrow, happiness and other emotions are hardwired genetically is being abandoned. Humans actually DO have the ability to redirect and/or change our emotions and how we respond to them. The old idea that fear or anger provokes the fight or flight response is being shed with more logical ideas. Fireman, law enforcement and even nurses and doctors prove that fear and anxiety can be controlled or redirected, instead of panic and chaos it becomes a beneficial tool. Emotions are not the result of an event, they are triggers or warning beacons to direct and guide us through life. Life is the event and pain only tells us when something isn't safe or healthy for us. Hold your hand over a hot stove; the sensation you feel is warning you of continued exposure. The pain is the emotion. Ignore it and the event will be what follows.
10/6/2008 10:43:58 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
judit0606 Big Stone Gap, VA age: 51	TRUE suffering is NOT funny, evil, AND you should know that!!! To the OP: We have to go thru that TIME of grief for WHATEVER has caused us to suffer! We can be as negative as we want and as angry as we want and it's NOBODY'S business but OURS. I hate it when people say 'Well, just think positive'... Yeah? Well, let THAT happen to them and see where THEY are at. NO, NO, NO...think and feel however you want and need to think/feel. Whatever gets you thru...that's ALL that counts!!! Some people are so FULL of themselves! No, Hun, whatever gets you thru the day...one day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time. Just be YOU, OK? It's ok to allow yourself to be angry, negative, whatever! "WHATEVER does NOT kill us only makes us STRONGER"...LOL in a way, yeah. BUT, even THAT is just BULL, sometimes! Some days I'm negative and some days I'm positive...it's just according to what all I'd had to DEAL with during that certain day. It is GOOD to be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. BUT, it's taken a while for ME to do that. AND, the timing is different for everyone. Sooo, hang in there and just be YOU...no matter what! JMO...PEACE
10/6/2008 10:44:15 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
carbonv Salem, AR age: 47	Well... The truth is, that although there is truth to what you say Ar.man You are also leaving out a VERY important factor. True whining and moaning won't change the facts, BUT neither will sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. The positive attitude thing is not to change the fact of what has happened, that is not going to happen no matter what your attitude. The thing is... Getting up off your butt and going on with your life and looking for what comes next and trying to put hurt and hard times where they belong, (behind you) and keeping just the lessons from them in the forefront so you can at least be more aware of the signs that may (help) prevent the same thing from reoccurring in the future is our best bet as I see it. Sure you are going to be blue when some things happen to you but why would you just let yourself wallow in it and make it that much worse for that much longer. we pull ourselves together and go find what better things life has to offer. That is how I feel we should try to deal with being knocked down. Why let someone not worth our feelings KEEP us beat down and miserable?
10/6/2008 10:44:57 AM	Speaking Negatively about Positive Attitudes
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	My biggest issue is with the self-deception. A negative attitude can do the same thing.....I'm not condoning that. How many times have we heard "being true to yourself"..........yet people will fight tooth and nail to defend a refusal to see truth (ie.....Positive Attitude).

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