| 10/10/2008 7:47:00 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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passionatekisss
Sebastian, FL
age: 38 online now!
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I've been grieving the loss of a relationship for 8 months now.. It's the hardest thing I could have ever even imagined.. I wanted to post something I found online for other's like me who may be hurting or grieving and just can't seem to move on.. The ghost that haunts the memories of a love dead and gone.. Love is as strong as death..
Please, no one make any rude comments to me about this post.. This could be valuable to those hurting and in need of these words.. Sometimes, it's only words that can comfort..
http://www.been-dumped.com/haunted.php
Late at night, as you read quietly, before you fall off to sleep...
During a busy afternoon as you run through a crowd, hurrying back to your office or home....
Sitting in a movie theater, a restaurant or waiting for the light to turn...
A sudden thought or image rises within you. It can come as a small nagging feeling or as a wave of emotion that threatens to overwhelm and drown you in the grief of a memory. Either way it's clear; here comes his/her ghost again.
For those who are haunted by a past relationship, the instinctive response is often to run away from these feelings or to pretend they just aren't there. It is also not uncommon to react by setting your system on "anger mode" and seeing everything and everyone in a negative light. Shutting down all ability to handle even the simple routine tasks of daily life is another response, and one that signals depression. This one needs to be addressed quickly, as it can leave a trail of destruction in it's path.
These defense mechanisms are employed as a way of coping and to "get through the day." However, when these responses become prolonged and ingrained, we can get stuck in the grieving process that accompanies loss. This is where the ghosts come in.
All loss, especially the absence of someone with whom we were intimate, results in sadness, anger, denial, fear, depression and guilt. These feelings are normal. However, how we respond to them will make the difference in how well we recover and move on to a new and healthy life.
In order to work through the grief and finally lay those ghosts to rest, you may need some help with the important do's and don'ts of grieving. The following is a basic primer to get you started.
Things To Do:
Acknowledge Feelings
Denial can provide a very short-term way to cope with loss, but will compound the bottling up of destructive feelings that need to find a healthy outlet for expression.
Allowing yourself to feel, helps you to understand that what you are feeling is normal and therefore, you are not "crazy" or alone. It also opens the way to learning how to cope and move towards a positive resolution. Over time you will learn that feelings won't kill you, and that you are strong and able to confront them and move on.
Express Anger Safely and Productively
Fear of our own anger is normal. This is why we have so much difficulty expressing it to others. We imbue it with a power that is beyond our control and something that can only be destructive.
Therefore, we stuff everything inside. Pressure builds and we explode, and out comes the "anger monster"; a creation of our own inability to deal with anger when it is at a lower, more manageable level.
There are safe ways to express these feelings. Crying, talking to friends, writing down the feelings and even engaging in some physically demanding labor are all healthy ways to release your anger.
Take Care Of Yourself
This seems to be one of the things we most neglect when loss strikes. Not caring for even basic needs is one of the faces of grief. It can also be a sign of a dangerous depression. Therefore, it has to be a priority.
Basic needs are what usually require attention. These include: adequate sleep, eating right, taking care of minimal household and financial responsibilities and attention to personal grooming.
In addition, exercise not only provides a great outlet for stress, it has been proven in clinical trials to be effective in lessening depression in a significant number of people. Regular exercise can also offer assistance to those who have difficulty sleeping and heightens self-esteem.
Build and Strengthen Social Supports
A strong social support system is always important. During a time of extremes loss, it is vital to recovery.
Do you have good, supportive friends? Do they have time and energy that they can offer to you during this period of grieving?
What about religious ties? A church, temple or other community of like-minded believers?
Do you have good support from any family members?
What about organizations that you have participated in and given your time and energy to? Can they now give something back to you?
These are a few of the supports that you can turn to. Make sure you PLAN well for weekends, holidays and other significant days. Let people know you want to get together and that you want to get out regularly and stay active and involved. This allows others to offer their support and remember to include you in group activities, etc.
Give Yourself Time
Getting over the loss of someone you love takes time. It is a process. It doesn't take "forever." You will move on and recover. But beware of that feeling that is often expressed of "I don't know what's wrong with me, it's been months and I'm still not over it."
The months SEEM like forever, but you know they are a relatively short period of time. You need to give yourself that time or run the strong risk of getting stuck for (perhaps years) in the quicksand of grief.
Set Realistic Goals
This is a time to prioritize and decide what you most want and need and to make a realistic plan for achieving it.
Goals will keep you focused and on-track. They will provide a compass as you navigate your way to a new life. They will help you to achieve success and to boost your self-esteem. This achievement will help you to feel strong and capable of beginning a new life.
Things To Avoid
When enveloped in grief and loss, we have to be careful not to respond in dysfunctional ways. Some classic examples of poor coping behaviors include:
Overuse of alcohol
Use of illegal drugs
Ignoring signs of serious depression
Sexual acting out
Recklessness with finances
Ignoring basic safety and placing self in risky situations
These are all the result of low self-esteem, guilt and feelings of hopelessness. With good supports and the utilization of healthy ways to express feelings, you will be at far less risk of using these self-injurious behaviors.
Remember, we must be willing to accept grief as a possible price of experiencing love. Many, many people have gone through the process of loss and despair and come out strong, whole and ready for a new life. Along the way, they often come to know themselves better and to understand what they most need and want from their relationships. Armed with this new experience and knowledge they are then ready to form new, healthy and lasting relationships.
This article and all rights to this article are owned by www.consum-mate.com
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| 10/10/2008 8:14:49 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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passionatekisss
Sebastian, FL
age: 38 online now!
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Kathys Comments
Kathys-Comments.com
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| 10/10/2008 8:18:20 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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damtman
Dinwiddie, VA
age: 53 online now!
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Very good mam.... Thank you & I'm sure alot more thank you even if yhey dont post it....
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| 10/10/2008 8:19:09 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 33
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well.......i've managed to avoid the drug use......
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| 10/10/2008 8:19:31 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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passionatekisss
Sebastian, FL
age: 38 online now!
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Very good mam.... Thank you & I'm sure alot more thank you even if yhey dont post it....
Thank you shuggar...
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| 10/10/2008 8:21:32 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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passionatekisss
Sebastian, FL
age: 38 online now!
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well.......i've managed to avoid the drug use......
Good for you.. cheers...to a better life..
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| 10/10/2008 8:22:22 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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damtman
Dinwiddie, VA
age: 53 online now!
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Quote from damtman:
Very good mam.... Thank you & I'm sure alot more thank you even if yhey dont post it....
Thank you shuggar...
You are quite welcome darlin'......Hope all works out 4 you....
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| 10/10/2008 8:30:55 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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stellablu
Saint Louis, MO
age: 50
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Lot of good reminders there...thanks!
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| 10/10/2008 8:40:33 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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hopein08
Jackson, NJ
age: 41
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thank you for posting this. I didn't read through the whole thing now - didn't want to get myself worked up when I don't have the time for it (hard to find time to grieve too), but much appreciated and I am printing it out to read in peace later. 
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| 10/10/2008 9:01:00 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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zalacea
Stoughton, MA
age: 42
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Thank you passionate, I've never felt like this because of a break up or divorce but can relate to everything having lost family members way too young to die. Makes me wonder if I've ever been in love.
Great article and I love that Lee Ann Womack song, very inspiring, I listen to it a lot.
Thanks again and good luck to you.
[Edited 10/10/2008 9:01:37 AM]
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| 10/10/2008 9:18:06 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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drchillie1
Texarkana, TX
age: 43
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This post is more of what is needed, looking at one's inner self and doing a reality check. Thanks Passion.
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| 10/10/2008 9:33:27 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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christi8680
Ithaca, NY
age: 40
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Thank you for posting & sharing this! I agree....I would love to see things like this posted and what people think about them. 
Yes, this is a dating site, but if we harbor things from past relationships and such that MIGHT hinder future relationship's with others (friends and imtimate ones), we need to deal with them.
What better way, than in a forum of many diverse opinions?
JMO 
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| 10/10/2008 10:28:57 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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passionatekisss
Sebastian, FL
age: 38 online now!
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Quote from damtman:
Very good mam.... Thank you & I'm sure alot more thank you even if yhey dont post it....
Thank you shuggar...
You are quite welcome darlin'......Hope all works out 4 you....
Your so sweet, thanks, and I hope all works out for you too...
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| 10/10/2008 10:30:22 AM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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passionatekisss
Sebastian, FL
age: 38 online now!
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Lot of good reminders there...thanks!
Glad you liked it Stella
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| 10/11/2008 6:12:28 PM |
Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love |
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datednlearned
Egg Harbor Township, NJ
age: 33
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great thread and helpful to a lot I am sure. You already know I am here for you and will do anything for you.
passionatekisss "time heals all!" and until it does..I will try my best to help you through it!
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