| 10/13/2008 9:44:42 AM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
jazzmin1951
Kansas City, MO
age: 57
|
Libra...I know that you've read my posts in here...as I have yours.
You DON'T have to stay out of this group just because you are finally beginning to let go...Sometimes people in here need to hear the progress that others are making...such as myself...since I've been widowed for going on eleven years and have gone through the many stages that one goes through...so I like to offer others the POSITIVE side of all of this !
|
| 10/13/2008 5:10:27 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
snowbird1961
Los Lunas, NM
age: 47
|
Jason, letting go only means that you are willing to accept that you need to move on. It is not easy. You don't have to let go of the memories. Just let go enough to breathe and live again. Lydia would want you to be happy. You still have friends that care. So anytime you start to feel dragged down, I'm here. 
|
| 10/14/2008 1:15:01 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 33
|
It's rainin' here today....and this is provin' to be harder than I thought. 
|
| 10/14/2008 1:22:39 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
connier
Nampa, ID
age: 60
|
just take it one day at a time. some are worse than others, but with time it does get easier. hang in there sweetie. you will make it
|
| 10/14/2008 7:04:14 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
dreamschaser
Saint John, NB
age: 58
|
So let me know if I am way out of line here—but I just have to share what I think on this subject.
For those of you who have children, I expect you can relate to this. You have a child, the sun rises and sets on that child, and then you get pregnant for another child. You don’t stop loving child number one just because a new one comes along—you just simply love that child too. Love is elastic my friends—it just stretches to incorporate those you hold dear within your circle. Do you love child number one less because you now have another child to love. NO!! That is not the way love works.
This then is the case when a new adult love comes into your life. If I had a choice, I would not need to look for someone new; but I don’t get to choose. I have the capacity to treasure the love I have for him AND the capacity to love someone new as well. There is no requirement to forget my first love so that I can go on to love this new “someone.” Love is elastic here too—and if the “someone” is mature and not afraid of a “memory”, then there is no problem. I say if the new one needs me to say that I love “only” him—then “he’s” got a real problem. Nobody “mature” would mind that I love my children, my family, my friends or my dog, so why do I have to stop loving a mate who was so important in my life. Why can’t I just stretch the elastic and incorporate a new fellow into my love circle? That being said, I need to be mature enough to know that 3 is a crowd and be prepared to give love the opportunity it needs to grow into a full fledged relationship.
The way I see it, a new mate is not a “replacement” for a lost mate, but rather someone to “add” to the circle of love!!
|
| 10/14/2008 7:13:59 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 33
|
There is no new mate, Dreams......
|
| 10/15/2008 7:12:05 AM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
dreamschaser
Saint John, NB
age: 58
|
Every time you say, “I will not think about or deal with this today”—you are thinking about it and dealing with it. It is impossible to “let something go” until you are at the point in your life where you are ready to move on. You can’t turn on your computer and do a Goggle search for “Widows and Widowers sites” and find the Date Hook-up site. So at some point you must have thought you were ready for a new mate. It’s the dangling hope.
So you get on Date Hook-up and you go looking for where you fit. Groups/Widowers comes up—hey, you fit there, that is a definition that you can relate to. Everybody on this site has been where you are!! And we are all on the same journey, just a few steps apart from one another. It is a personal thing—moving on comes to you as you take each baby step toward the future. Every day you take another step and eventually you get to look back and see where you were and how far you have come. You can’t just decide that you are going to let it all go and poof---there it is done!! Tough love is about making yourself accountable for your actions.
So you need to check and see if you have done the work yet. You get to move on only when you have completed the business of accepting your loss and finding a way to deal with it. Here are a few things that help me to deal---I hope they help you and maybe some of the others can help you with suggestions that have helped them too.
Do you cried? Do you allow yourself to cry without worrying about how “unmacho” it is to do so? Crying cleanses.
Have you done the grief sessions yet? They help you figure out how to deal with getting through the holidays, birthday memories, weddings, and all the other things that will bring her up again and again in your mind. If you have a plan for what you can do in any given circumstance, then you can concentrate on the plan and not fall into random acts of craziness. That way there is no need to apologize later.
Do you take a moment every day to think about one thing that makes you grateful for having had her in your life—no matter how little or how much time you had to share with her? Gratitude for yesterday gives you a hope for what tomorrow might bring.
|
| 10/18/2008 9:13:03 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
kfab1023
Jacksonville, FL
age: 52
|
Awww Libra my day is coming this Thursday the 23rd OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am going to hate that day But this year we are going to smile and remember the good times and try to forget the hard times Life and love again that is what I am going to do and so will you my friend
|
| 10/18/2008 10:07:21 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 33
|
I hope so Kathy
|
| 10/19/2008 5:16:39 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
kfab1023
Jacksonville, FL
age: 52
|
we will Libra we are survivors and strong we will both be ok
|
| 10/21/2008 8:47:54 AM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
fran1962
Macon, GA
age: 46
|
you know I was sitting here reading all of this while having my morning coffee and all of us can related to one another here, its not about one person feeling depressed and etc, its about all of us at some time or another we all went threw the grieving process and some let go and move on faster than others but you have to take it one day at a time and in time it will heal everything......Libra u are a young man u will find the strength to move on and find love again one day but you will never forget the memories thay live on in your heart forever....My husband passed away last year so hes been gone 15 mos now and I still live my life as he is on vacation and coming home but I am now finally coming to terms thats hes never coming back but its still feels like you living in a nightmare and if someone could wake you then all this would be better and your spouse would be there but I guess everyone grieve in his or her own way.....My husband made some hunting viedos and some family viedo of the kids and grandkids, I go and watch them and that helps me alot but I did not wanna see them till some of this pain got better but alone the way I forgot the voice of my husband, I think I grieve so much I blocked it out of my head to help me get pass some of this so thats when the tapes somes in handy..Its just a hard raod to deal with and no one knows what you are going threw till they went threw it theirselfs and then they can relate to you but as of for me I went out to the cemetary a few mos ago and told my husband I got to let go now and move on cause I cant sit here and grive cause I be dead soon and try to keep myself going and busy cause I have kids and grandkids to stay here for.....I have a very hard day coming up this month Oct 28, thats my mans birthday.....my  goes out to everyone and my advice to all is hang in there, it will get better, I came along ways myself and if I can do it then anybody can with time, its a hard road but you got to be strong and have will power .....when my husband died it crushed me so bad, I never thought in a millions years that would happen to me and my family but it did so have to deal with it and get pass it the best way you can....I always thought if I got to talk to my husband before he died then things would be easier but I dont know if they would or not, not beening able to say anything to him was hard cause when I got the chance at the hospital to see him he was dead and it all happen so fast that you did not have time to think...when the doctors told me he stop breathing and what to do I say revive him what else is there to do, dont let him die I need him to stay here with me but then i drop on my knees and pray to god to take me and let him live cause his daughters needed him more than me cause they was daddys little angels and I wanna spare them the pain but I always believe everything happens for a reason but we never know whats that reason is till we get where we going .........god bless each and everyone of ya.
|
| 10/21/2008 6:22:15 PM |
I suppose it's time to let it go. |
|
aynnie
Carrollton, KY
age: 62
|
i have been reading ur/re notes an crying .when is it time to let go .my husband wS KILLED IN1982. SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY .OUR SON WAS 4 YRS OLD TODAY HE IS 30 ,SO AS U SAID U DO GO ON .BUT CAN U EVER REALY LET GO ,,,,
|