| 10/20/2008 9:50:24 PM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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lilmissala
Hartselle, AL
age: 51
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I was thinking about a thread I posted in about affection. I said I was affectionate toward my mate but preferred he not be so affectionate toward me that I was not a touchy feely kind of person. What bothers me about this is I use to be. I use to love all the hugs I got from my customers in the restaurant. Not a day went by that somebody didn't hug me. None of my husbands were really affectionate men. They did show some affection but it was not alot. It was enough. My last husband just about drove me crazy with his constant gropping and pinching me. I am talking every time this man went by me he had to grope or pinch me. The pinching hurt it was not an affectionate little thing...it was very painful. Then when I would try to push him away he would say you know you like it! I tried talking to him about it to no avail telling him I didn't like it. After about of year of it I finally blew up one day. He would still grope and pinch. I avoided being near him,jumped and pulled away from him from then on. I was so relieved when he left that I didn't have to be on constant gaurd anymore to protect myself. I thought about the years since he has been gone and I haven't let anyone except my kids and family be any kind of affectionate toward me. Do you think I have subconsciencely got some sort of hang up now because of the way he did? If so I need to address this and get it dealt with. Let me know what you think. I know you all are not therapists I am just curious as to what you think. Thank You.
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| 10/20/2008 10:01:35 PM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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jeanne51
Hitchcock, TX
age: 52
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when you tell someone that you don't like what they are doing, and they do it anyway, that is abuse.
Think about it: if you loved someone, wouldn't you want to please them, give them pleasure? The only way to know what pleases is with feedback. You gave negative feedback, which with a nice person, would have been a signal to STOP, try something else, until he found what DID please you.
I'm sorry for your pain. All men are not like this. Alarms should go off the minute anyone does something that you say is not pleasurable, and they persist.
Take care,
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| 10/20/2008 10:04:21 PM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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km1004
Goodyear, AZ
age: 32
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Have you tried counting sheep?I usually read some of the post on here.
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| 10/20/2008 10:06:57 PM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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advil68
Port Richey, FL
age: 38
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hun i have an ex wife of 10 years ..(shes moved on and i met her new boyfriend) (lol awkword to say the least) im guilty of a similiar action .. i have a bad habbit of slappin her but (not a sex thing more like a football player slappin another football players but) she was a part of my life for a decade ...i dont mean to ..its almost like breathing .. he gets ticked because i do it .. lol its only after i do it that i relize i did it .. i mean no disrespect i dont hurt her doing it . .is this boy hurtin you intentionly or is it similiar to my sit. ?
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| 10/20/2008 10:21:24 PM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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lilmissala
Hartselle, AL
age: 51
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he called it affection and said he just couldn't keep his hands off me. I told him he was hurting me and he did the groping in such a way that it was vulgar not affectionate.
Thanks to all of you who have posted so far.
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| 10/20/2008 10:26:21 PM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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advil68
Port Richey, FL
age: 38
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hun if hes intentionly hurtin you you need to distance yourself ...just stay away .. no one ....NO ONE deserves to be hurt or abused .. man / woman / child ////// sometimes its better to just cut the ties .. plain out ignore him .. gain some distance ...
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| 10/20/2008 10:37:13 PM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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not_looking
Sacramento, CA
age: 50
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I would seek why I feel this way. It could be something deeper that was effective by the way he treated you. None the less what he was doing was disrespecting you. But I feel there are other issues there deeper.
JMO
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| 10/21/2008 4:51:11 AM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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monaj40
Binghamton, NY
age: 40
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I think it isn't normal if you don't want any affection,even though you had bad experince with your ex, we still as human beings need some type of affection. I saw a survey once and It was said that the most people to live longer is the ones that seeks out some type of affection, whether it be a hug or kiss....touching,anything to do with affection. And I believe its true. you ever went with your day and just needed a hug but couldn't get one from anywhwere? well that shit sucks!!! So if I were you I would seek help or be concern about. Goodluck!!!
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| 10/21/2008 5:12:06 AM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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usakindatheart
Overton, TX
age: 48
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He violated your person... there was no love, or even kindness, there was only disrespect
yes,, over time, this kind of behavior can screw your head over for future relationships.
it is very wise of you to have recognized this...
not all men are this crude, thank goodness...
i personally can not stand a man slapping my tail end, when i walk by... it puts me in an immediate piss me off mode...
my x, used to do that.. and like you, i blew up, usually he seemed to have a penchant to do it, when i was menstruating and the resounding effect in my privates and abdomen was to say, painful...
just the way i am now,,, i do not think i will ever be able to tolerate it...
but, i guess i will have to see...
but the hugging and touching in a respectful, playful way... i could not live with out...
One of the things i will enjoy when i find someone else..
my x, idea of playful, was one or two touches, then it was on... 
no real foreplay, or just playing all during the day, to build up to "the" moment.
but he never just hugged or kissed or played, just to play... it always always, turned immediate to sex, and that in itself, is a turn off. (most men do not get it)
hopefully you will find a good one, or a few good ones..lol and practice
i guess you just have to jump in, and start allowing someone you date, (after time), who respects, you... to start playing frisky... but not all the way...
sort of going back to school to get some practice.... and once you feel like it is not disrespecting you...
then you will be okay with it again.
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| 10/21/2008 5:54:43 AM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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whitechocolates
New South Wales
Australia
age: 51
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There was other ways to prove your point since he wasnt listening to you at all!
Why didnt you grab his goolies with intensity and squeeze them??
then as he protesteth (after getting his breath back) you couldve said "OHHHH baby,you know you love it!!!"
That wouldve ended the drama.lt would be him avoiding you!!
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| 10/21/2008 6:09:00 AM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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sharolas
Elk Grove Village, IL
age: 38
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My last husband just about drove me crazy with his constant gropping and pinching me. I am talking every time this man went by me he had to grope or pinch me. The pinching hurt it was not an affectionate little thing...it was very painful. Then when I would try to push him away he would say you know you like it! I tried talking to him about it to no avail telling him I didn't like it.
I can't blame you for not feeling the affection after what I have read. He was very inconsiderate about your feelings towards his pinching and groping. He sounded aggressive and insecure. Just remember getting affection is a wonderful thing, you can not hold on to the past. Not all people are like your ex. Put one foot forward towards the future and find it in your heart to show and receive the affection you deserve IMO. Good Luck.
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| 10/21/2008 6:27:34 AM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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ccherie
Salem, OR
age: 54 online now!
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There was other ways to prove your point since he wasnt listening to you at all!
Why didnt you grab his goolies with intensity and squeeze them??
then as he protesteth (after getting his breath back) you couldve said "OHHHH baby,you know you love it!!!"
That wouldve ended the drama.lt would be him avoiding you!!
I would not recommend this... any man who would behave this way, and continue to do so after being told it was not welcome could very easily become physically violent
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| 10/21/2008 6:33:45 AM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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lilmissala
Hartselle, AL
age: 51
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Thank you all so much for your response to this post. I had not realized I had let that effect me so much! I will definitely discuss this with my therapists. Geez I had not even considered it was a type of abuse! He was a very insecure man. Thank you again!
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| 10/21/2008 6:41:17 AM |
couldn't sleep something bothering me |
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nm_jewel
Las Cruces, NM
age: 56
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I would not recommend this... any man who would behave this way, and continue to do so after being told it was not welcome could very easily become physically violent
True ccherie... My second husband was a physically abusive control freak. I KNEW that if I had retaliated in any way I had better knock him unconcious and run before he came to. lilmiss's husband sounds like that might have been what he was wanting her to do so he could "upscale" the level of hurt he was administering to her.
I love little butt smacks, fondling.. groping thru the day.. but in NO WAY should they ever become painfull. lilmiss, you told him it hurt.. he didn't stop.. so YES, it was abuse.. and YES that could cause you to repress your loving nature. Think it thru hun... when we know where the behavior is coming from it can be overcome.
Open yourself to the joy of touching again..
<3 Jewels
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