| 11/21/2008 3:12:51 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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mjkittredge
Nashua, NH
age: 27
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I've been on dating sites for years, and this phrase "I'd like to start as friends first, and see where it goes from there" is almost more prevalent than the eye-roll inducing "I'm shy but warm up quickly". I'm tempted to call it a tired cliche, or a red flag for spotting confused girls on the rebound, but I think some girls actually mean it when they say or write it.
So how does it work? You talk online, on the phone, meet in person, hang out or call every now and then, and at some point you just all of a sudden decide to go from friendship to dating? And is this process more effective in building successful relationships than starting out dating?
I don't particularly like the sound of it, seems like a guy is most likely going to get trapped in friend land. Or like a gimmick for women to get male friends by dangling the carrot of a dating relationship in front of them... always out of reach. Is it a defense mechanism... or calculated deception?
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| 11/21/2008 3:17:02 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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jalamb
Tuscaloosa, AL
age: 22
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"Friends first" basically means they want no part in dating you.
I refuse to get caught in the veritable Bermuda Triangle that is the Friend Zone.
[Edited 11/21/2008 3:18:11 PM PST]
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| 11/21/2008 3:19:08 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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chesmosa25
Umatilla, OR
age: 26
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when i say i wanna be friends i mean it!! i wont date anyone i just met!! i like to get to know them as a friend to see if i could actually date them... so if you get put in perma friend land its not because i dont like you but i know that a relationship any deeper would never work!!...
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| 11/21/2008 3:21:47 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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sarasoda
Calgary, AB
age: 38
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I think that when you first get in contact with some one that is entirely normal. When you have already established a friendship it should move on to the next level. Make your goals clear to these women and if you do not recieve the right signals move on. Some women just like to play games and are not really into finding any thing more.
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| 11/21/2008 3:25:05 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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mjkittredge
Nashua, NH
age: 27
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when i say i wanna be friends i mean it!! i wont date anyone i just met!! i like to get to know them as a friend to see if i could actually date them... so if you get put in perma friend land its not because i dont like you but i know that a relationship any deeper would never work!!...
The thing about that is, if I liked a girl enough to date her, the silver medal of friendship while some other guy gets the gold with her would be too much to bear, I wouldn't want anything to do with her most likely once I found out she wouldn't consider me date material. I'll answer the phone with "Hey, wanna hang out with the guy who wasn't good enough?"
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| 11/21/2008 3:30:36 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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chesmosa25
Umatilla, OR
age: 26
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well that is sad... most of my friends are guys and that is ok with them and me... but then again i dont really like to date unless i feel an undeniable attraction to them as a mate! guys and girls were meant to be friends as well as lovers... i like having my guy friends... lots of people are super cool but you just are not meant to be together that way!!
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| 11/21/2008 3:31:13 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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chellenc2008
Clayton, NC
age: 40
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I know a lot of people that call potential dates friends - they call lovers friends instead of lovers -it seems like everyone they know is just a friend even though you know they are more than just friends with at least one or more of them.
To me there is a difference between getting to know someone before getting in a relationship and a friend.
If I call someone a friend, that is all they are.
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| 11/21/2008 3:32:07 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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typeseven
Suffolk, VA
age: 31
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It's a gals method of placing you in their queue while they are seeing other guys. Friends first means you're not their first choice but you can be a cuddle b*tch.
ROFL...this is funny and true.
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| 11/21/2008 3:32:08 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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ttex1969
Walker, LA
age: 40
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They say things like that, but when someone they really like comes along they move pretty fast. If they keep saying "friends" then thats your sign shes just not that into you!
Like some woman is going to tell Brad Pitt "I just want to be friends first"!
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| 11/21/2008 3:34:27 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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jalamb
Tuscaloosa, AL
age: 22
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I think a lot of people are missing the point here...nobody said that people shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex, or that you shouldn't consider potential mates friends.
We're talking about wordplay that isn't fooling anyone.
Woman: Id like to start out as friends first and see where it goes.
Translation: You've really put me in an awkward spot by asking me out, so here's the deal. We can hang out every now and then, and if by some divine miracle I start to like you, then maybe we can date. Also, if anyone ever asks if we're dating, I will offer a forceful "No, we're just friends" before whoever is asking can even finish the question.
[Edited 11/21/2008 3:35:46 PM PST]
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| 11/21/2008 3:38:13 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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leftfooted
West Covina, CA
age: 49
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sexual attraction not included
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| 11/21/2008 3:41:28 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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xangel_kissesx
Chandler, AZ
age: 33
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OP i get the same thing too from guys...but you know what? its ok its just peoples way of safely venturing into something new...and think about it...dont you want the person you pick to be your partner to sort of be your best friend too? I think some people these days are just trying to be more caustious and less inpulsive. We live in a society of instant gratification and honestly the best things in life are the things that take time and work cause those are the things that we really appreciate down the road...no one truly appreciates something if it comes to quick and easy.
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| 11/21/2008 3:45:11 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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ttex1969
Walker, LA
age: 40
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OP i get the same thing too from guys...but you know what? its ok its just peoples way of safely venturing into something new...and think about it...dont you want the person you pick to be your partner to sort of be your best friend too? I think some people these days are just trying to be more caustious and less inpulsive. We live in a society of instant gratification and honestly the best things in life are the things that take time and work cause those are the things that we really appreciate down the road...no one truly appreciates something if it comes to quick and easy.
So basically there is no such thing as love at first sight or instant chemistry?
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| 11/21/2008 3:50:13 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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sowhats
Hamilton, OH
age: 37
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I've been on dating sites for years, and this phrase "I'd like to start as friends first, and see where it goes from there" is almost more prevalent than the eye-roll inducing "I'm shy but warm up quickly". I'm tempted to call it a tired cliche, or a red flag for spotting confused girls on the rebound, but I think some girls actually mean it when they say or write it.
So how does it work? You talk online, on the phone, meet in person, hang out or call every now and then, and at some point you just all of a sudden decide to go from friendship to dating? And is this process more effective in building successful relationships than starting out dating?
I don't particularly like the sound of it, seems like a guy is most likely going to get trapped in friend land. Or like a gimmick for women to get male friends by dangling the carrot of a dating relationship in front of them... always out of reach. Is it a defense mechanism... or calculated deception?
its tough to tell wether its just the cliche figure of speech, that implies the avious, that everyone has to get to know some one as "friends" first, or its the dangling carrot of relationships, if they start talking about a "recent relationship" that has soured, and after a few weeks you cant get a breakthrough , well we have all been there. its time to move on. but i will say i have met a few very nice ladies from far distances that i have very much enjoyed talking to,just friends, yes, its all good.
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| 11/21/2008 4:05:49 PM |
what is up with friends first? |
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jayceeangel
Newnan, GA
age: 40
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OP -
Do you mean that after talking to you, that is when they say they want to be friends first, or is that in their profile, and you haven't initated contact?
If it's the former, then I'd say they just didn't feel an "attraction", but that didn't mean they didn't think you were nice, etc... I have gone out on dates with guys, and while there was no physical attraction, I liked hanging out with them! I had fun, we laughed, and literally are now good friends.
If it's the latter, then I'd say they could have been in a relationship in the past with no common ground, and don't want to make the same mistake again. You also have to remember that women have deep connections with their friends, so it is a legitimate basis for a dating relationship to them. I personally would have to be able to "hang out" with my significant other. While physical attraction is rockin', it only goes so far.
These are just my initial opinions, btw 
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