Generational curses, what are yours?

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12/1/2008 5:36:43 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
klassyklown Bakersfield, CA age: 40	The truth be told, those things we carry from generation to generation are real factors that affect our dateability and eventually our ability to be in an LTR. So what are those generational curses that have or do affect your relationships?
12/1/2008 5:37:06 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
klassyklown Bakersfield, CA age: 40	For me, there are two significant traits I have been unable to shake. The first is a lack of communication. I really have to force myself to communicate my feelings. My first intuition is to shut down, and I did that a lot in my marriage. But, I am really working on communicating, and I know I am getting better at it. The second is the determination to not fail. I have this drive for excellence in everything I do, and failure is not really an option, that drive is completely intertwined with pride. That is a tough issue to deal with in dating and relationships because I am not the only factor, and I cannot control the outcomes.
12/1/2008 5:57:37 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
brujacakes2 Jim Thorpe, PA age: 36	Wow klassy, are you german? I have the same issues. Communication...well, in my family is was NOT socially acceptable to talk about problems, you always dwell on the good and gloss over the bad. Based on my family history, how can things really be THAT bad. I have aunts that spent a lot of time in concentration camps. Survivalist Instincts...my grandmom escaped germany during WWII with 6 kids in tow, and fled to the US, while my grandpop was forced to remain in germany and fight. I tend NOT to give up even when I should...can be a positive but sure can be a negative also. Even when the 'writing is on the wall' so to say, I hang around and fight. Oh yea, forgot about the competitive thing! Damn, I hate losing. Are u my long lost twin? LOL Interesting. Cool thread klassy. [Edited 12/1/2008 6:22:28 AM]
12/1/2008 6:07:44 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
klassyklown Bakersfield, CA age: 40	Thanks bruja, I can always can't on real people like you posting in my threads. Yes I am German and Spanish with a little English egotism mixed in, mix those nationalities and aye, aye, aye. lol Add to that the competitive, athleticism on both sides of the family and there you go.
12/1/2008 6:09:56 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
countrysweet677 Bordelonville, LA age: 48	taking care of him to much cleaning up after him doing what ever he asks my mom was like this i guess i get it from her,she was a 50's mom, but i enjoy it thats my job as a wife or partner the house is always clean he always has clean clothes a hot good meal and damn i love to bake so if he has a sweet tooth he"ll pack on the in the winter,i don't want a slob he has do do his share of being clean.
12/1/2008 6:17:40 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
barbaraajo Reston, VA age: 52	my Mom raised me and all my sisters in an old fashioned way, the woman is supposed to take care of the man, you know, do all the cooking and cleaning.
12/1/2008 6:25:52 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
countrysweet677 Bordelonville, LA age: 48	exactly, then we sit and listen to our friends b*tch how their husbands do nothing...do they work bring home a paycheck if i'm not working then the household duties are all mine i even mow the lawn,
12/1/2008 6:44:55 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
klassyklown Bakersfield, CA age: 40	That was my mom, and I think I have developed a balance in that area. I am definitely not my mom when that comes in to play. That is where only getting what you allow comes in to play with me.
12/1/2008 6:59:42 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
countrycharmer Medina, OH age: 43	Inherent limitation that could interject successful and committed LTR’s? My limitation would be the fear of being used and taken for granted again since it was ingrained into me for over 17-years. It would be great to receive a portion back that I exert in a relationship, is this too much to ask for? Klassy, where do you come up with these ideas? Another great one.
12/1/2008 8:06:25 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
ccherie Salem, OR age: 54	Quote from klassyklown: For me, there are two significant traits I have been unable to shake. The first is a lack of communication. I really have to force myself to communicate my feelings. My first intuition is to shut down, and I did that a lot in my marriage. But, I am really working on communicating, and I know I am getting better at it. The second is the determination to not fail. I have this drive for excellence in everything I do, and failure is not really an option, that drive is completely intertwined with pride. That is a tough issue to deal with in dating and relationships because I am not the only factor, and I cannot control the outcomes. I have that determination not to Fail....and I agree we are not the only factor and cannot control the outcomes.. That being said.... when can I ACCEPT that, and make the necessary changes? I believe this determination comes from being a survivor. As Brujacakes said, determination comes from adversity. It comes from broken homes, and abused and neglected children. This determination does make a person stronger, but it also embraces the inability to TRUST others. Lack of Trust destroys relationships....
12/1/2008 8:06:54 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
acting_out Eagle, CO age: 45	c'mon... I'M IRISH !
12/1/2008 8:13:10 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
jacobsdad Greensboro, NC age: 32	Quote from klassyklown: For me, there are two significant traits I have been unable to shake. The first is a lack of communication. I really have to force myself to communicate my feelings. My first intuition is to shut down, and I did that a lot in my marriage. But, I am really working on communicating, and I know I am getting better at it. The second is the determination to not fail. I have this drive for excellence in everything I do, and failure is not really an option, that drive is completely intertwined with pride. That is a tough issue to deal with in dating and relationships because I am not the only factor, and I cannot control the outcomes. Sorry for being this guy, but I don't see how this is generational. However it is good know know where you struggle to go forward in certain areas of life. I think there is a lack of social skills in the younger generation as there is so much interaction from electronic vices instead of face to face interaction. I have noticed that when i am out, and try to talk to people who i am not already acquainted with, they tend to lock up, as they are not use to social stimulation. Well, that, or the fact that all our "news" programs for about the last twenty years seems to concentrate on murders and kidnappings.
12/1/2008 8:20:05 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
futureunknown Marshfield, WI age: 39	I definitely have a communication problem. I learned that in dealing with my mom. Just not saying anything was the only way to avoid being hit and I know that it bothered her the most so that is what I did. I just totally blocked her from all communication. Now I have a hard time talking about anything with anyone.
12/1/2008 8:33:33 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
nunbttr Middletown, OH age: 61 online now!	Quote from klassyklown: For me, there are two significant traits I have been unable to shake. The first is a lack of communication. I really have to force myself to communicate my feelings. My first intuition is to shut down, and I did that a lot in my marriage. But, I am really working on communicating, and I know I am getting better at it. The second is the determination to not fail. I have this drive for excellence in everything I do, and failure is not really an option, that drive is completely intertwined with pride. That is a tough issue to deal with in dating and relationships because I am not the only factor, and I cannot control the outcomes. I guess mine would be; A hard time communicating, one on one. And my Irish temper. (Yeah, I have a wee bit in me!) Another thought provoking post by the way.
12/1/2008 8:43:35 AM	Generational curses, what are yours?
newlife4me2 Sioux Falls, SD age: 43	Even though I was raised by my mom alone, I was still raised with that 50's wife mindset to a large degree but at the same time had it drummed into my head to be self sufficient. What makes it difficult for me is trying to reconcile the 50's with present day life in these United States. I grew up dreaming of a time I could be June Cleaver ya know? Stay at home wife and mother providing for the family in that manner. At the same time I was quite busy pursuing an education and a career. Polar opposites, and I was never happy. The opportunity to be a sahm finally came to me, and after discussion and agreement with my ex, I took it. What a huge mistake that turned out to be, for me on a personal level. I honestly don't think I would change it if I could, knowing the benefits my children received from my being home for them the time that I was allowed to be. However, the rude reality of actually having married a child instead of a man, one who made the agreement to have me be a sahm, and then discovered he really didn't care to be the sole bread winner has been difficult. There were many other factors of course that contributed to the dissolution of the marriage, but his inability to handle on an emotional level, the responsibilities involved in having me home were a big part of it - he even said so. He was tired of being broke - even though that situation would have begun to correct itself within another year as our youngest began full-time school and I could then begin to work again even if only part-time. Instead, he filed for a divorce. Oh yeah, divorce will fix being broke, yup. Fixed it so well we went from broke to nearly bankrupt and the gavel hasn't fallen on that yet! I personally have suffered more than I will ever allow myself to again. I invested 100% of myself into the 20 year marriage and my roll in it. When he decided to end it, I found myself without access to a dime of income and no personal savings. His actions have contributed to my being in debt up to my eyeballs (being responsible for joint debt that I had no decision in the creation of) and now struggling to get my feet under me enough to stand. This I blame on me.............I allowed this to happen by placing my trust and confidence in a man (for lack of a better word) that didn't in the end proved he deserved it. Never again. I will, for my future, just deal with the internal struggle of how I feel life should be and how life in reality is lived. I will never again give over 100% trust to any relationship when it comes to my financial well being. The end of my innocence so to speak. A second area for me is the lack of ability to fail as well. What a hard learned lesson from my marriage. It does take two people to make any relationship work. I can't do the work for both of us and I can't take responsibility for the choices of other's, no matter how important I believe the issue to be. Learning when to recognize and accept the fact that it just isn't and not likely to work is a huge thing. Identifying those relationships and simply walking away................sigh. Live and learn............

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