The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..

12/10/2008 3:22:31 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
luvinlifetou2 Biddeford, ME age: 42	When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated, Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
12/10/2008 4:12:18 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
sammael Fountain, CO age: 33	Thats funny Luvin , I actually got that in a text message the other day .
12/10/2008 4:24:13 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
luvinlifetou2 Biddeford, ME age: 42	LOL...I got it in an email and had to post it... too funny... and merry xmas to you!
12/10/2008 4:43:49 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
sammael Fountain, CO age: 33	Happy holidays to you too .
12/10/2008 4:51:28 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
crabberman Wilmington, DE age: 51	still a funny joke after all these years..thanks for posting it K...
12/10/2008 4:54:33 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
luvinlifetou2 Biddeford, ME age: 42	Well jeez Bocky...Im sorry Im not as old or ahem I mean educated...as you are.... Where is your christmas story???
12/10/2008 4:59:06 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
phuque2 Climax, MI age: 56	And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. ~Dr. Seuss
12/10/2008 5:06:47 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
crabberman Wilmington, DE age: 51	Quote from luvinlifetou2: Well jeez Bocky...Im sorry Im not as old or ahem I mean educated...as you are.... Where is your christmas story??? hey...who you calling educated?...that was a snide remark.. An Internet Christmas T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of Java danced in their dreams. My wife on the sofa and me with a snack, We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac). When out in the Web there arose such a clatter, I jumped to the site to see what was the matter. To a new page my Mac flew like a flash, Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!! I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear. When the image resolved, so bright and so quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick! More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came, Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name; "Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel; "On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal! "Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip! Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!" The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram", Then into my room rose a full hologram! He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes, Which were black (the white socks he really should lose). He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack. Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack! His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno! This ain't the same Santa that I used to know! With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke, And accessed my C drive with only a stroke. He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm", Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim! He worked without noise, his fingers they flew! He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo! He updated Office, Excel and Quicken, Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken! My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape, As he added the latest version of Netscape. The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased, St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased. Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose, Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros! He flew back into my screen and through my uplink, Back into the net with barely a blink. But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight, "Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"
12/10/2008 5:16:12 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
crabberman Wilmington, DE age: 51	The Christmas Parrot jokes - specially for funny old birds with a sick sense of humor Christmas Parrot One day a man walked into a bar and sat down next to a guy with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender said, "Cute parrot, does he talk?" The guy with the parrot says, "He is a Christmas Parrot,He does more than just talk, watch." The guy lit a match and placed it under the parrots left foot. Then the parrot started singing "Jingle Bells". The guy then placed the match under the right foot and the parrot then started to sing "The 12 days of Christmas." The bartender said, "That's incredible". He then asked, "What does he say when you place them between his feet?" The guy said, "You know I never tried that, let's see." When the match was placed between the feet of the parrot the parrot began to sing a familiar tune... "Chesnuts roasting on an open fire."
12/10/2008 5:39:31 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
badlandsnitro Harrison, MI age: 54	How snow cones are made.
12/10/2008 11:48:35 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
luvinlifetou2 Biddeford, ME age: 42	I am thinking that despite the origins of snow cones? If you pour sweet syrup over it in bright colors? We could make a fortune.............. (God...gotta move back to Arizona for this one...LOL)
12/10/2008 11:59:28 PM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
th6231 Point Pleasant Beach, NJ age: 61	The 3 wise men were at the manger under the star--the baby was in there with Joseph and Mary and the barnyard animals--the first wiseman went in--put the gold at the babies feet--genuflected and backed out. The second wise man brought in the Myrrh--put it the babies feet--genuflected and backed out. The third OLD wise man was crippled up from the long trip--he brought in the frankenscense--went to genuflect and fell over striking his head on a wooden beam--"JESUS CHRIST!!!"--- he yelled. Mary said--"I like that name--its better than Irving!!"
12/11/2008 1:17:22 AM	The origins of Christmas legends, I will start..
twohawks Bothell, WA age: 69	SOMEWHERE IN IRAQ..... An American M-60 Battle Tank rolls up on a low ridge. The tank commander, Lieutenant Jensen opens the turret hatch and stands up and looks around. He sees something off in the distance, but can't quite make out what it is. He get's out his binoculars and scans around. He sees something that doesn't quite fit. He hollers down into the tank..."Sergeant Maki...bring us left to 270 degrees and roll us ahead slowly about a mile." The Sergeant hollers back..."I'm on it LT!" The tank rolls ahead for about a mile then stops again. The tank commander opens the hatch again, the steps out and dismounts the tank. He walks over to a bedowin and a pregnant woman on a donkey then says: "Excuse me sir...do you speak my language?" The bedowin replies: "Oh yes affendi...we do speak your language!" The Lieutenant says: Well then tell me sir...what are you doing out here. There is a war going on and you may be hurt, or taken prisoner by the Taliban!" The bedowin replies: "Yes affendi...we know of the war. Allow me to introduce myself. I am called Joseph and this is my wife Mary and as you can see...she is in the family way. We have come up from Egypt and we are on our way to Bethlehem and we seem to have gotten lost!" The Lieutenant says: "You are really lost and way off course for Bethlehem!" "Yes affendi...we know this!" "So then tell me Joseph...why are you going to Bethlehem. It's near Christmas and Bethlehem will be overrun with people and tourists for the holiday." "Affendi...we are going there for the birth of our first son!" "I see...so how do you know that your firstborn will be a son?" "Oh Affendi...that is traditional in my family. The firstborn is always a son!" "Well...ok. So where do you plan to stay in Bethlehem? Most of the hotels and motels will be full!" "Affendi...we will stay anywhere and if necessary we will stay in a manger!" "You would stay in a barn to give birth to your son?" "Yes Affendi...we would stay in a manger!" "Ok....let me get this straight. You are Joseph and she is Mary. She is pregnant and you are on your way to Bethlemem where your son will be born you would stay in a manger. Is that about it?" "Yes Affendi...that is correct!" "So then let me ask you another question. If you do, infact have a son...are you going to name him Jesus?" "Oh no affendi...We are Hebrew...not Mexican!"

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