What could YOU change?

2/7/2009 7:28:22 AM	What could YOU change?
nightwings Gainesville, FL age: 42	......to expand your dating options in an acceptible manner? With so many threads about how come "I can't find this" or how come "I attract only that"....I thought I'd ask a different question. What personal trait OF YOUR OWN could you work on to widen your horizons a bit? How do you think that would affect your online experience? I'll start: I'd been predisposed to contact very pretty women, because that's what I've always had the good fortune to date in real life. Needless to say, there is a LOT of competition for the ladys w/ fabulous pictures out there. Then I realized that a bunch of folks claimed that many of the Beautiful People online were false pics anyway...or at the very least quite out of date. I also realized that I, myself, take horrible pics...but get plenty of compliments from peole who actually know me. So I changed my behavior. Rather than only contact the 'hotties', I started looking for somebody who's general 'type' and lifestyle appealed to me & had a profile of substance, style & humor. Low & behold, after a few very nice chats...I agreed to meet an 'average' woman who was very bright & generally cool as hell. & she turned out to be an absolute cutie! In the end, I didn't LOWER my standards at all (still dating a hottie).....but I did manage to toss away what turned out to be artificial, & ultimately false, standards that were unfit for online dating. So, what do you think YOU could change about your approach?
2/7/2009 7:30:34 AM	What could YOU change?
sharolas Elk Grove Village, IL age: 39	I would change nothing... If a person can not accept me for who I am then they are not for me.
2/7/2009 7:40:02 AM	What could YOU change?
msbevzie Toledo, OH age: 45	How awesome for YOU! See what that did, BUT I haven't ever seen YOU complain so none the less, there probably wasn't a problem anyways. BUT as you said change in ONES SELF...what an awesome way to put it! I don't come on here doing the complaining dance, and have no reason to complain, so I have nothing to think of right now, but to remain who I am...I said friends, and finding someone to be with forever... I've made threads about this very thing people complaining needless to say...basically it's very simple one doing THEIR own footwork, or as you put it "CHANGING" one self... Online or "real" people can and do sense the person, and who they are especially IF one pays attention... Good post [Edited 2/7/2009 7:58:21 AM PST]
2/7/2009 7:40:28 AM	What could YOU change?
alliejess Queensland Australia age: 50	what ya see is what ya get with me it is anyway
2/7/2009 7:43:12 AM	What could YOU change?
lonely_rose Springfield, VA age: 47	I don't think anyone should change for another person, but I don't think that is what he is saying. He wants to know how we've changed our approach to meeting and dating from an online source. Me, instead of looking for the "one" I'm looking for friends and maybe the "one" will show up. I'm more relaxed and enjoying myself a lot more too.
2/7/2009 7:44:00 AM	What could YOU change?
countrysweet677 Bordelonville, LA age: 48	this is me...accept me for me!
2/7/2009 7:47:07 AM	What could YOU change?
nightwings Gainesville, FL age: 42	Let me be a bit more specific, since a few people seem to think I am asking them to change their core being...which I'm not! This is about a change in behavior/perception that might make finding someone online less arduous. A change in behavior, to meet a specific situation, is NOT a change in who you basically are as a person. I'm asking what YOU could change about your online dating habits to improve your success...rather than blaming others for not being the desired commodity, as happens so often in the threads quoted above. He wants to know how we've changed our approach to meeting and dating from an online source. PS~ Thank you, Rose...you've got the idea, great example! [Edited 2/7/2009 8:07:57 AM PST]
2/7/2009 7:56:56 AM	What could YOU change?
lilmissala1957 Hartselle, AL age: 51	Really the only thing I can think of is to be a little more aggressive in my search. I have a few limitations that have kept me from contacting some guys I really felt an interest in. I could contact them and give it a chance.
2/7/2009 8:04:12 AM	What could YOU change?
nightwings Gainesville, FL age: 42	You are a smart lady, lilmiss! The women I personally know who had great results from online dating (including the one who convinced me to try it) ALL contacted the man they are now with.
2/7/2009 8:04:20 AM	What could YOU change?
tucker333 Chicago, IL age: 38	i wouldnt change anything...i am,who i am...love it or leave it....im not changing myself to suit someone else...a person can lose there identity that way...then you spend the rest of your life trying to figure out who you are.... not me,no games...this is what you get
2/7/2009 8:27:08 AM	What could YOU change?
cinthianna Goshen, IN age: 29	I can't answer your question fairly--because it is just more than a few small things,..the few things were stepping stones, to a whole lot more. I've screwed up, and chose to put myself into situations that were not healthy, more times than I can count..and briefly, I did wonder, why I only attracted convicts severely damaged people...what I did to deserve to be dealt this bad hand...that sorta crap,... But, when I looked at the entire situation, the only common denomanator was, ME. So, I had to re-think my tactics, desires, choices, all of it..and decide what I needed to do, to make myself available to better qualified candidates, I know it sounds cold, to demean others,...but, it really had nothing to do with them. It was complete self sabotage on my part. I was scared to find happiness, because I had no idea how to embrace it and enjoy it. What I have taken from this experience, is: My core person is the same. I will always be me, and that I will not change,..However, I will always have room for growth and self-improvement to better myself as a person and as a partner... And in such, I want a partner that can continue to grow with me, so, that all our past fears, errors and other things, become so, trivial, we forget them...and become one solid partnership... Does that make any sense?
2/7/2009 8:30:59 AM	What could YOU change?
nightwings Gainesville, FL age: 42	It would appear at this point that the unspoken answer is 'reading comprehension'. I don't see many profiles stating "Wanted: man stuck in rut & unable to adapt to life's changing conditions.", Tuck. Cin: sure does! Sounds like you're pretty self-aware....so when you ARE ready, what do yo think you might do differently from the past, as far as the selection process goes? [Edited 2/7/2009 8:33:55 AM PST]
2/7/2009 8:32:44 AM	What could YOU change?
brujacakes3 Jim Thorpe, PA age: 37	Quote from nightwings: You are a smart lady, lilmiss! The women I personally know who had great results from online dating (including the one who convinced me to try it) ALL contacted the man they are now with. Agreed. Anytime I have done the contacting, the results have been much better. Not perfect, but practice makes perfect right?
2/7/2009 8:39:20 AM	What could YOU change?
nightwings Gainesville, FL age: 42	There are many kinds of sorcery, Bruja.
2/7/2009 8:44:08 AM	What could YOU change?
tauruslw33 Edinboro, PA age: 37	I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind! I haven't got any cash, but as long as they believe it. So I will change the truth into what they want to hear.

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