Funny Funny Stuff

2/24/2009 4:59:15 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
pretty_moonpa Bath, PA age: 68	What I Want In A Man - Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer thing 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover * What I Want in a Man, Revised List: age 32 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week * What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42): 1. Not too ugly 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car... 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends * What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52): 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7.. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends * What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62): 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend * What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72): 1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet. ok...only funny stuff in this thread...now behave..dont do anthing to get yourself suspended lol
2/24/2009 5:44:00 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
chickadee66 Arcadia, FL age: 67	able to eat without a bib.
2/24/2009 5:56:50 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
pretty_moonpa Bath, PA age: 68	Good one chick
2/24/2009 6:01:14 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
flirty_me_1 Chattanooga, TN age: 66	Find his teeth and remember where he put them.
2/24/2009 6:01:38 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
luckylouie42 Cedar Grove, WV age: 66	This list is probably more realistic, than the requirements, for a man in most womens profiles. Is there a similiar list for what a man wants in a woman ?
2/24/2009 6:03:51 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
chickadee66 Arcadia, FL age: 67	basically the same things I would think LOUIE. LOL
2/24/2009 7:38:14 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
kitty2u Clay City, IN age: 67	I hope he isn't to hard hearing.... Hope he doesn't swear......
2/24/2009 10:29:20 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
flirty_me_1 Chattanooga, TN age: 66	YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM A COUNTRY TOWN WHEN... You are related to more than half the town. You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it reaches back to town before you do. You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather. Your quarterback is hurt and you're hoping it's the first thing on the 6 o'clock news. There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it. The local gas station sells live bait. You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store. You go to the State Fair for your family vacation. You get up at 5:30 a.m. and go down to the coffee shop. You're on a first name basis with the county sheriff. When little smokies are something you serve on special occasions. You go to the river because it's almost like going to the ocean. You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial. All your radio preset buttons are country. Using the elevator involved a corn truck. Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman. You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. You are walking knee-deep in snow. You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway. Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out. You talk with a friend about some big event you are going to attend, and by the end of the conversation you've decided you're both too broke to go. You know cow pies aren't made of beef. Your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle and pigs. You wake up when it's dark and go to bed when it's still light. You consider a romantic evening driving through Hardees and renting a hunting instructional video. You want to buy manure. You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon. You can tell it's a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO. Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code. You leave your snow tires on year-round. You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk. You know the code names for everyone on the CB. You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair. You'll skip your cousin's funeral for the first day of deer season. You can eat an ear of corn with out utensils in under 20 seconds. You don't clean up the dog's mess because it's just fertilizer. You wear your irrigation boots to church. You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out. It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town. You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot apart. The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him. You consider a building a mall if it's bigger than the local Wal-Mart
2/24/2009 10:54:09 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
chooseyme3 Mohawk, NY age: 65
2/24/2009 12:36:08 PM	Funny Funny Stuff
flirty_me_1 Chattanooga, TN age: 66	MyHotComments
2/24/2009 2:46:52 PM	Funny Funny Stuff
flirty_me_1 Chattanooga, TN age: 66	In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a southern boy named Bill who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know you!" Bill smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
2/24/2009 3:18:34 PM	Funny Funny Stuff
pretty_moonpa Bath, PA age: 68
2/24/2009 3:24:43 PM	Funny Funny Stuff
pretty_moonpa Bath, PA age: 68	I am a senior citizen... - I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm. - I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. - I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. - I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid... - I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go. - I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. - I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. - I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over. - I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. - I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care. - I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians... - I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet. - I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. - I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg. - I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh... - I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. - I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less. - I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days. - I'm in the initial state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP. - I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? - I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory. - I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the key to the storeroom. - I'm a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life... Aren't I? E
2/26/2009 10:46:18 AM	Funny Funny Stuff
flirty_me_1 Chattanooga, TN age: 66	In honor of the mother of the octuplets, Denny's and McDonald's are now offering a new breakfast meal called the Suleman: You get eight eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.
2/26/2009 4:14:32 PM	Funny Funny Stuff
poppirocco Cicero, IN age: 62	To make it stand, You wet it ! To make it wet, You suck it ! To make it stiff, You lick it ! To get it in, You push it! >>> > > > > > > > > Damn ! Threading a needle when you're older is a B*TCH...

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