Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?

2/25/2009 6:22:47 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
3crosses Alamogordo, NM age: 52	I've recently read some of the posts stating that family members have been greedy, stingy, self centered, and inconsiderate to the remaining spouse of the deceased. Yes thats exactly what happened to me with my inlaws. Not all of them, but the one who was the closest to my husband. And its still going on. The day after my husband died, my brother in law asked if he could have my husband's truck. He didn't ask if he could buy it, he asked if he could HAVE it. And his tools and guns. Of course, he did it when he thought I was vulnerable. And he waited until I was alone to approach me about it. So instead of being able to grieve in peace, I had to guard my emotions for awhile. Later I traded my car and his truck for a new truck. I didn't tell him and of course, he was upset, but oh well. His tools I gave to our sons, (we have 4), his guns, I sold some and gave some to our sons. I kept what I needed for myself. And believe me, I still have more tools than most men do. TeeHee. I know how to use them too. I still have things that the brother in law wants, but what the heck, he's not getting them. Why? Because he asked if he could HAVE them. Not a picture, not a favorite shirt, but the most expensive things. Be careful, don't let anyone take advantage of you when you are grieving. The relationship I thought I had with him has dissolved somewhat, altho I still keep in touch. I am always on guard with him. I would have never even thought of being so inconsiderate to someone who had just lost their spouse. Never in my life. I guess I really need to let this go, but I hold a grudge for a while. Maybe I will learn to forgive him in time, but right now I just can't. I am on my way to healing, and I have found someone who I spend my time with who knows what I've been going thru. But how do I forgive such an act? Can I ever forget such inconsideration and greed? Do I still consider him my family? I very torn with this............ Any words of wisdom??????????????
2/25/2009 8:27:50 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
lakc Houston, TX age: 49	3crosses, What goes around comes around...... You appear to be a lady who sleeps well at night. You did not only what was right for you and your sons but also what your husband would have wanted you to do. I have truly been blessed. My husband's family has always been supportive and continue to be very trusting. One of his brothers asked to borrow something but returned it within a few weeks. I have given things (a camera, a framed print, pocket knives, etc.) to brothers, nephews and a sister but these things were given out of love. My sons and I continue to go through his life's treasurers to determine who should get what. We do this out of love and not out of obligation. Your brother-in-law should be ashamed of himself. To ask for his truck? You have four sons.....did he not think one of them might need it more? It appears that you won't have to end the relationship of in-law.....he may do so of his own accord.
2/26/2009 10:07:04 AM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
widower54hd Delano, MN age: 55	I also had a bad deal with my mother in law and my wife,s side.Shorty after my wife died it was apox 3 week,s and I was served court paper,s that I was being sued from her mon.Her mother kept track of every penny she had ever given my wife throug out our 33 year,s of marrage.Also was listed the co pay at hospital for 15.00 for each time her mon took her to hospital for blood work and mics when I could not. My wife and I had a nice house in the country,car cloth,s ect we were upper middle class.I have help our son,s out with thing,s from time to time and would never think of trying to get money or any other thing from them that I gave them to help them out!We do not talk! my one son, want,s notting to do with his mon,s side and does not want is son,s to either .What a shame just for greed!!So I know how you feel!
3/14/2009 3:53:46 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
mareluna Newport News, VA age: 47	Wow! Sounds like my husband's sister. My husband was in the Hospice House not even Dead yet when his sister started asking me for Dan's music and a filing cabinet. I just looked at her. I let her step-mom know and my father-in-law chewed her out.! "You will not ask Rose for anything." My husband had given her thousands in trumpets. She asked me again, And I told her Nope! It's my stuff...
3/23/2009 11:20:57 AM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
nmorris Freeman, MO age: 40	I am glad to see that I am not alone...when my husband died, he had a couple of court cases going..one with Workman's Comp and the other for SS Disability..well, both have been settled...I tried to keep up with his sister and let her know what was going on..she and her brother were very close...But, as soon as I got the money, I started to sense a change in her e-mails...she wanted to know more about how much..I gave her an underestimated figure..she then asked if I could pay her back what my husband had borrowed..which I was planning on doing anyway..then last week she asked to borrow some money..fine..not a problem..but, here is the kicker: I decided I wanted personalized liscence plates with the letters WWKD, What would Kenny Do, since I was going to think about what my husband would of done with the money...well, I told her and she thought it was cool...so, today when I get to school, I get an e-mail from her talking about buying a car. I had to buy a new car because my truck blew a drive shaft...she said that she had always wanted a car like the one I got..we started talking about how much money she wanted to spend..her response was how much was I willing to spend on her a car, or better yet, how much did I think Kenny would want to spend on one for her..then she had the nerve to say WWKD...I told her my money was still tied up at the bank..and she said..okay, that she would wait until the money was released and would continue to drive her old car, hopefully it would last a little while longer..Can you believe it?? I don't know what to do..I know what I should do, but I don't want to be mean about it..
3/23/2009 12:33:33 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
luckylouie42 Cedar Grove, WV age: 66	A whole lot of what had been mentioned here has happened to me. no, i do not forgive the greedy, and no i do not forget. It has worked best for me to distance myself from the greedy vultures. you know out of sight, out of mind.
3/23/2009 5:33:42 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
3crosses Alamogordo, NM age: 52	Quote from nmorris: I am glad to see that I am not alone...when my husband died, he had a couple of court cases going..one with Workman's Comp and the other for SS Disability..well, both have been settled...I tried to keep up with his sister and let her know what was going on..she and her brother were very close...But, as soon as I got the money, I started to sense a change in her e-mails...she wanted to know more about how much..I gave her an underestimated figure..she then asked if I could pay her back what my husband had borrowed..which I was planning on doing anyway..then last week she asked to borrow some money..fine..not a problem..but, here is the kicker: I decided I wanted personalized liscence plates with the letters WWKD, What would Kenny Do, since I was going to think about what my husband would of done with the money...well, I told her and she thought it was cool...so, today when I get to school, I get an e-mail from her talking about buying a car. I had to buy a new car because my truck blew a drive shaft...she said that she had always wanted a car like the one I got..we started talking about how much money she wanted to spend..her response was how much was I willing to spend on her a car, or better yet, how much did I think Kenny would want to spend on one for her..then she had the nerve to say WWKD...I told her my money was still tied up at the bank..and she said..okay, that she would wait until the money was released and would continue to drive her old car, hopefully it would last a little while longer..Can you believe it?? I don't know what to do..I know what I should do, but I don't want to be mean about it.. WOW-nmorris,-just keep telling her that the money is tied up and then do what you want with it. The nerve of some people. Oh my gosh, Are we related by marriage? If my brother in law had known my husband had a life insurance policy, he would have tried to take me to court to get it. As it stands, he still doesn't know and I'm never going to tell him. Its your money, not hers. Pay her back and then wipe your hands of her. Amazing how death brings out the worst in some people. Like money is gonna make them feel better. NOT Blessings to you........................
3/24/2009 9:06:16 AM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
battkitty Sarasota, FL age: 51	I had the EXACT same thing happen!!! Tools and remote control airplanes.. I was so crazy I let everyone take what they wanted, my oldest son got everything back. People are crazy - I learned that much. I have forgiven - never did forget,.. learned a valuable lesson, forgiving wasn't asbout THEM, it was about ME, so I didn't have to carry that burden around with me everyday. Doesn't mean I condone or accept what they did, just means it's THEIR problem, not MINE... Don't know if this helped - I am very sorry for your loss as only another widow can be... Terri
3/26/2009 1:35:55 AM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
soosie Newport, KY age: 59	I never exprienced that with my husbands family after he died because my husband was very distant from his sibblings. His sister is the only one that knew about his life insurance policy, but if she had tried to borrow some money from me the answer would have been no. In my husbands family it is all about who they can rip off and how much they can rip them out of. I have one brother in law that owes me money and one brother in law that owes my husband money and I know that I will never see a dime of it. But what goes around comes around sooner or later. My sister in law thought she was going to run my husbands funeral and I politely told her that I was running his funeral and so did a couple of his other sibblings. I still have a lot of his things and my kids know what to do when I go. So just hang in there and I am sorry for your loss, but you just need to be more up front with your sister in law and tell her flat out you or your husband are not paying for her new car. Hope this helps.
3/30/2009 3:25:40 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
redrowan West Chester, PA age: 75	Just turn it over amd go on with your life . He's not going to change--don't give him the opportunity to approach you at a vulnerable time. You'll grown strong again. Robroy
4/5/2009 6:35:21 AM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
lil_rebel Shepherdsville, KY age: 40	Sure you forgive for YOU, but definitely don't forget their names etc. for future refrence.
4/14/2009 8:41:00 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
rubyanne Daly City, CA age: 65	Of course yu can in time i did the same as you,think it was cause he left me and while he was alive i really couldnt get the things i wanted but i sure did after he died. Felt like I was getting even with him for leaving me,I got rid of everything that was his to all the kids also. Its been a long year and half and time to let it go I forgot how to live and what to do after 40yrs of marriage now I'm open into learning about myself and trying to make a life,of course there is no man it my life now but someday,think that was better then me saying i never wanted one ever. Ruby
4/22/2009 12:26:28 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
reasonableone San Francisco, CA age: 60	Quote from rubyanne: Of course yu can in time i did the same as you,think it was cause he left me and while he was alive i really couldnt get the things i wanted but i sure did after he died. Felt like I was getting even with him for leaving me,I got rid of everything that was his to all the kids also. Its been a long year and half and time to let it go I forgot how to live and what to do after 40yrs of marriage now I'm open into learning about myself and trying to make a life,of course there is no man it my life now but someday,think that was better then me saying i never wanted one ever. Ruby This is a very special lady and she has been through a lot, I respect her for her honestly and integrity. I met her once and enjoyed being with her, but I guess I wasn't the right material because of my impatience. She is very family orientated and I guess that is what threw me off. Since all of my family members are gone or living far away and I didn't feel comfortable with being included in a family plan again. Things take time since one cannot rush into being part of something when someone has been alone for such a long time. I guess she never forgave me and she has every right not too, but she still has a special place in my heart. If you get the chance to meet her be very patient and understanding and you will hit it off with her and hopefully be a big part of her life. Ottotool (Richard)
5/26/2009 9:22:50 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
sprblkhwk Villa Ridge, MO age: 50	Always forgive, but that doesn't mean let your guard down and be taken advantage of. I think it was JFK who said to forgive your enemies, but always remember their names. Talk with him if you like, but if he has a case "gimmee" again tell him you aren't interested in giving away your things. I'm fortunate that my in-laws are nothing like that. The only one I regularly talk to is Linda's mom, and she's a very giving person. All she wanted of her daughter's stuff was a few clothing items. She asks me if I've found anyone special yet, and she keeps in touch with my son the best she can. I think it's important that he stay in touch with his grandma, and since Linda was an only child he's her only grandchild.
5/26/2009 10:21:23 PM	Greed After they die-Do you forgive and forget or not?
ms_lowery Lincoln, IL age: 54	I forgive.....I forgive.

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