| 3/15/2009 10:53:22 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 41
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When you start communicating with someone online, do you find that you have high hopes right away? Or do they come after things have been going well for a while?
The reason I ask is that I try not to get my hopes up in the beginning, but I just can't seem to help it. I don't start hearing the wedding march whenever I get a wink or anything like that.  I have seen lots of people that say it's just dating, but since I am not looking to "just" date, it's hard not to hope this might be one of the good ones when I start chatting or emailing with someone. Of course, I get disappointed earlier this way, and probably more often, but I can't seem to help it.
Thoughts?
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| 3/15/2009 11:13:15 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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wheels915
Mesa, AZ
age: 50
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I learn not to let this happe simply because it leave a lot of unanswered questions in my mind, and I would rather just mentally wish them the best, because it's not their fault I am not up to their standards.
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| 3/15/2009 11:35:01 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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klassyklown
Bakersfield, CA
age: 41
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I have learned not to get my hopes up. Sometimes my mind starts racing ahead, but I try to pull back the reins. It's kind of sad that I have been conditioned that way, but I have always been more of a realist.
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| 3/15/2009 11:36:22 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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ladyog
The Dalles, OR
age: 54
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I have lowered expectations....
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| 3/15/2009 11:39:22 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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wildthing1
Saint Clair, MO
age: 54
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i don't get my hopes up right away but if i've been talkin to them for a few months, hope creeps up on me and has led me to let downs already.
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| 3/15/2009 11:41:44 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 41
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Glad it's not just me, ladies. Maybe I just haven't been at this long enough to rein my emotions in just yet, though I can see how it could happen.
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| 3/15/2009 11:47:58 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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binderdundat
New Orleans, LA
age: 48
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I don't get my hopes up at all until we meet. If the meet goes well, then I allow myself some hope. Like, hope he calls for a date!! 
If the first real date goes well... I hope for another.
This ^^^^^ is what I've learned. I don't chat for "months" before meeting, I can barely do it for a couple of weeks. I've learned my lessons about giving someone I've never met my time and attention, only to have the first meet fizzle.
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| 3/16/2009 12:07:21 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 41
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But CAN you control it? Don't you just feel what you feel?
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| 3/16/2009 12:21:01 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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binderdundat
New Orleans, LA
age: 48
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But CAN you control it? Don't you just feel what you feel?
I can totally control it. I don't allow the kind of chat that gets ones hopes up. I let them know, very early, that I won't indulge in "what if's" until at least after meeting. I will, and have, stopped them mid-sentence. I say "we won't be going there until we meet". (and I'm not talking sex talk here... I'm talking all the other crap. "Oh, you're so beautiful blah blah blah" and "I think we have sooooooo much in common blah blah blah".
Any "relationship talk" is ALL blah blah blah to me... until we meet.
And like I said, I've learned this from experience. I've learned it from getting my hopes up, and putting the time, and energy into someone thinking "this is it!!" and then find out on the first meet that there's no chemistry.
You'll figure it out on your own, everybody does. It took me about 3 yrs to get to this point
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| 3/16/2009 12:43:39 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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hunter12gauge
Bellaire, OH
age: 47
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When her legs are in the air. That's when I get my hopes up.   
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| 3/16/2009 1:05:42 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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clssyldy
Corona, CA
age: 46
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 wow, thats some respect 4 u
[Edited 3/16/2009 1:06:34 AM PST]
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| 3/16/2009 1:07:31 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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retired67
Bristol, VA
age: 70
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I never get my hopes up...People expect the perfect person.
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| 3/16/2009 1:57:52 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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tallangel64
Lincolnton, NC
age: 45
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I'm pretty much the same way OP. I don't randomly chat/email with a man so when I do engage in communication it means I am attracted to him. I pretty quickly begin to hope he's "the one." Hasn't been the real deal yet so you can imagine how many times I've been disappointed. I so badly wish I could just let go and date and not be "looking" so hard to be going on my last first date. I haven't figured out how to do that yet but I'm not ready to give up yet.
It would be alot easier if I just wanted to date. It's not difficult for me to find a date. I'm looking for that mutual attraction and it's been a challenge to find. The search continues.....
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| 3/16/2009 3:05:49 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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nab5055
Medford, NJ
age: 45
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I think that there are lessons to learn here. I used to be that way too. You learn by disappointments unfortunately. Some talk a really good game and they are easy to believe. Keep looking and don't settle for less than what you really want.
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| 3/16/2009 3:35:34 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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curves385
Saint Petersburg, FL
age: 39
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Yes I have learned to not get my hopes up until meeting the person. Then of course I have still gotten my hopes up a bit and been disappointed. I refuse to be less hopeful though because I could miss something good right in front of me. I just starting dating someone and his job sent him away for a week, to a war zone no less. I realized when I was so worried about him I have let my hopes go up a bit more than I thought I would. I am glad though because we both seem to feel the same way. That is all that matters. Will this be it I am not sure but if I had given up hope maybe I would not know at all.
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| 3/16/2009 3:37:00 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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gibbiexx
Grayling, MI
age: 39
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I don't think about it, really.
It has to be pretty serious before I'd possibly worry about hopes.
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| 3/16/2009 4:50:46 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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judit0606
Big Stone Gap, VA
age: 52
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I think that there are lessons to learn here. I used to be that way too. You learn by disappointments unfortunately. Some talk a really good game and they are easy to believe. Keep looking and don't settle for less than what you really want.
Yep, that's the same way I feel! PERFECT answer, nab!!!
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| 3/16/2009 5:22:09 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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lilmissala1957
Hartselle, AL
age: 52
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No I don't really get my hopes up but I don't think I have met that special one though I do have one I am talking to that I would love to see go further. My hopes are not up though its just wishful thinking I guess you would call it. I stand back now and wait been burned too many times.
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| 3/16/2009 5:22:43 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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darlinshel
Clayton, NC
age: 42
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I think even by continuing to talk to someone online or phone, then agreeing to meet, means you have at least a little hope you have met someone that is a good match. Even just being on here and talking to new people - if you still intend to possibly date someone from this site or others, means you have a little bit of hope somewhere within yourself.
With that said, it doesn't make me have unrealistic high hopes or expectations. Higher hopes grow gradually as I get to know a guy and see progress without nagging gut feelings or red flags.
If none of us had any hope at all, even in the beginning, we'd give up before we started.
[Edited 3/16/2009 5:25:19 AM PST]
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| 3/16/2009 11:31:57 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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maryg2
Philadelphia, PA
age: 40
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i never get my hopes up at all. i mean if it feels good and its moving right along just fine, then yeah, its nice to feel like this might be a worthwhile thing. but ive learned from the past that i am going to take things slow and if red flags start popping up, and a lot of times they can happen after a month or two. u really do just need to take your time and see what happens. it really does suck when u think u have a "good" one and they happen to fit all of the package and then they dont. but i think u will appreciate it so much more in the end when u do find s/o thats worth it!
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| 3/16/2009 11:35:34 AM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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hsprin
Savannah, MO
age: 34
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No point at getting your hopes up. Too many things can happen, especially for online dating. Until we have met and dated for a few months it is still anybody's game.
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| 3/16/2009 1:01:19 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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msbevzie
Oregon, OH
age: 46
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When I get my hopes up they disappear
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| 3/16/2009 1:42:56 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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musicdesign
Rocky Hill, CT
age: 48
|
I don't get my hopes up at all until we meet. If the meet goes well, then I allow myself some hope. Like, hope he calls for a date!!
If the first real date goes well... I hope for another.
This ^^^^^ is what I've learned. I don't chat for "months" before meeting, I can barely do it for a couple of weeks. I've learned my lessons about giving someone I've never met my time and attention, only to have the first meet fizzle.
I agree totally. I always want to meet ASAP. I have met in as little as a few hours from first phone call. Two weeks is my maximum, otherwise wasting time if no chemistry face to face.
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| 3/16/2009 3:03:48 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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milas83
Philadelphia, PA
age: 27
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Never bring your hopes about a person too high, at any given time. Always be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Treat the dating world like defensive driving, by being ready to act when something goes wrong.
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| 3/16/2009 3:08:03 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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pike_co_rfd
Quincy, IL
age: 54
|
When you start communicating with someone online, do you find that you have high hopes right away? Or do they come after things have been going well for a while?
The reason I ask is that I try not to get my hopes up in the beginning, but I just can't seem to help it. I don't start hearing the wedding march whenever I get a wink or anything like that. I have seen lots of people that say it's just dating, but since I am not looking to "just" date, it's hard not to hope this might be one of the good ones when I start chatting or emailing with someone. Of course, I get disappointed earlier this way, and probably more often, but I can't seem to help it.
Thoughts?
I learned long ago to shoot for the moon but settle for earth...... 
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| 3/16/2009 3:12:36 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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122750again
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 59 online now!
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I have to convince myself that their gonna show up, Is that Hope 
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| 3/16/2009 3:48:32 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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luvdeb
Richmond, KY
age: 45
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The very nature of on-line dating creates false hopes and the false feeling that "the perfect one" is waiting just around the corner.
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| 3/16/2009 3:58:28 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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spankdemnky
Florence, MS
age: 54
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I will get my hopes up when a chic I'm corresponding with say's "spankdemnky, I can't live if living is without you, I can't give, I cant give anymore!!!
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| 3/16/2009 4:03:51 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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dreamin55
Virginia Beach, VA
age: 52
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I will get my hopes up when a chic I'm corresponding with say's "spankdemnky, I can't live if living is without you, I can't give, I cant give anymore!!!
You ain't right
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| 3/16/2009 4:27:08 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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bbw46reader
Frederick, MD
age: 47
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But CAN you control it? Don't you just feel what you feel?
I tried very hard reasoning with myself. For the first time in my life it didn't work. I fell. Worst smash-up I ever had two months later. You may remember katrina.
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| 3/16/2009 4:36:55 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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usakindatheart
Overton, TX
age: 49
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When do you get your hopes up?
when they get passed the 4th lotto number....
damn't...
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| 3/16/2009 4:56:12 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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howardc42
Greeley, CO
age: 43
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I don't like getting my hopes up until I know forsure if I found the right one.I've seen people rush too quick in relationshps and they wonder why they keep getting worse!It's best to take your time and see what type of person your falling for.
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| 3/16/2009 5:01:36 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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stlstella
Saint Louis, MO
age: 52
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I think it's really sad for all these hopeless folks.
Why not enjoy the spark life brings?
sheesh...
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| 3/16/2009 5:07:42 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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hrsingerpro
North Fort Myers, FL
age: 54
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I always say:Keep your guard up at all times no matter what.You never really know who you are talking with.Getting your hopes up to early only gives you a let down.When the other person is ready,they'll let you know.....then maybe you can give them a try and see how things go.Just take things slow and maybe it'll all fall in place together.
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| 3/16/2009 5:12:26 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 36
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It's best to communicate with someone online via phone asap after rapport has been established with a couple of emails and or one chat session of about 15 minutes. Lots of fakes and people seeking attention boosts, playing games for shits and giggles.
You don't find out how serious they are about dating unless you actually talk and hold a live REAL WORLD CONVERSATION with someone.
Anyone can type and manipulate statements in emails, profiles, and chat. Talking is totally different than online chat/emails. Now if ya just friends emailing and you are comfortable with that, that's cool. But ya got to be proactive if you are serious about meeting someone to prevent possible negative outcomes by playing chat/email ping pong extensively.
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| 3/16/2009 5:20:34 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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happy2lucky
Lawrenceville, GA
age: 53
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i usually get my hopes up to quickly and my heart is usually to accessible because i tend to believe everything someone tells me. something i'm workin on.
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| 3/16/2009 5:21:49 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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wiilnotgiveup
Fort Lauderdale, FL
age: 45
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Never bring your hopes about a person too high, at any given time. Always be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Treat the dating world like defensive driving, by being ready to act when something goes wrong.
This is such a true statement, never get excited over one email, unless its your only one this year, But really , so many fakes , scammers, married people. after the 3rd or 4 date maybe.
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| 3/16/2009 5:36:15 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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spankdemnky
Florence, MS
age: 54
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dreamin55
Virginia Beach, VA
age: 51
view: posts
joined: Nov. 2008
Quote from spankdemnky:
I will get my hopes up when a chic I'm corresponding with say's "spankdemnky, I can't live if living is without you, I can't give, I cant give anymore!!!
You ain't right COME ON DREAMIN55, I may not be right but Im never wrong. Im waiting on you to sing to me dear!!!
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| 3/16/2009 7:23:08 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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wileyguy
Wilkes Barre, PA
age: 39
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no expectations= no disappointment
just go with the flow
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| 3/16/2009 7:25:03 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 36
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no expectations= no disappointment
just go with the flow
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| 3/16/2009 7:36:50 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 41
|
I guess I'm just wondering if your basic thought process is positive, you want the person you seem to be connecting with to be what they say they are, someone worth getting to know, maybe someone to have a relationship with, how to you stop that thought process? Or do you even want tp stop it? I try to be open, not build up walls, etc, but still be a little wary and watch out for those red flags that occur all too often. I'm just curious as to other points of views that might help us all.
BBW, I do remember you getting your heart broken not long ago, but was being open enough to take the chance worth it? Knowing now that you can, and how it feels? The only one to break my heart after my divorce was worth it because it made me see that I can feel those things again, felt attractive and desirable after 7 empty years at the end of my marriage, and even though I was an absolute wreck for two damn weeks after.
Not to sound desperate, because I'm really not, but Y'all have to remember that some of us don't get all that many people interested in us to begin with, and when we start to comminucate and things go well... We don't all have 20 other emails to look at.
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| 3/16/2009 7:49:59 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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bbw46reader
Frederick, MD
age: 47
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Positive things came of it. Yes, it had been five years for me. I would have to say worth it, because I'm a different woman now, and I wouldn't want to go back to how I was. I don't want to be closed off again, nor do I want to be a sitting duck again. I don't know anything to do but move forward and do the best I can.
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| 3/16/2009 7:51:46 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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_leadingman
Lake Dallas, TX
age: 48
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I get my hopes up with the Cubs, but end up waiting until the next year.
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| 3/16/2009 7:53:47 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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honestami
Ravenna, OH
age: 54
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I just like chatting as friends and pick up on their personalites and see what red flags come up. The posts help alot too. And of course,,,not all post,,,, and chatting without requirements, commitments, or expectations always relaxes eachother and can lead to a very pleasant surprise!!!!!!! Try relaxing!!!!
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| 3/16/2009 7:58:27 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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zeanah
Clarion, PA
age: 50
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I used to, but not anymore. I never feel anything one way or the other until I meet them. Even then, I wait until I am sure all has been truthful and out in the open. I have men who have dated me 3-4 times and things were really going great, then out of the blue, they drop a bomb on you with real deal breaking news. It's like...why did you wait this long to tell me??? You think I wouldn't mind since we have had a few dates to see how wonderful you are and I can't live without you???
So I take my good old time....I know when that feeling of comfort and hopefulness is allowed to come out. I like to be as sure as I possibly can, then let my emotions start to come out.
"Z"
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| 3/16/2009 8:01:52 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 41
|
I guess we are all at different levels and have our individual ways of looking at things, which was the point of the thread. I can't really disagree with anything anyone said.
Now, where's Eddy and the clown? They must have something to say....
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| 3/16/2009 8:03:45 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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ike2973
Stockton, CA
age: 37
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It's really hard not to get your hopes up. THe simple fact that you are communicating with someone gives you hope but you learn to temper that hope based on how the communication goes and that hope can be for a continuing friendship or hope that that person though not right for you finds someone right for them or just hope from knowing that there is still a possibility out there. Then, of course, there comes along someone that you click with so well that the hope becomes desire and want and thats something to treasure even if it ends in disappointment.
It is sad that people have come to view hope as a bad thing and look for the negative from the start, sometimes to the degree that they don't see the good thing that can be right in front of them. Hope is the one thing that you can't afford to give up. If you lose hope what else do you have? Nothing thats what, because without hope nothing is worth doing.
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| 3/16/2009 8:07:01 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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binderdundat
New Orleans, LA
age: 48
|
I think it's really sad for all these hopeless folks.
Why not enjoy the spark life brings?
sheesh...
There's a huge difference between not getting your hopes up and having no hope.
Sheesh!!!
Just because some stay in REALITY vs their heads in the clouds (or up their asses if the case may be) doesn't mean they don't have hope that they'll find someone. They (we) actually have a better chance of finding "the one" because not EVERYONE is the one.
Sheesh
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| 3/16/2009 8:09:27 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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fiddlebritches2
Duncan, OK
age: 36
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when i get the first naked pic from em i will jump up and scream..SCORE! cuz then im pretty sure i am gonna meet em
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| 3/16/2009 8:22:16 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 41
|
Binder, you definitely have a point in that there IS a difference between not getting your hopes up too early on and having no hope at all. Hmmm, that may be the answer I was looking for.
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| 3/16/2009 9:51:02 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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greendragon357
Rockford, IL
age: 45
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 i don't get my hopes up because noone sticks around long enough for me to get my hopes up jmo
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| 3/17/2009 4:49:44 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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milas83
Philadelphia, PA
age: 27
|
It's best to communicate with someone online via phone asap after rapport has been established with a couple of emails and or one chat session of about 15 minutes. Lots of fakes and people seeking attention boosts, playing games for shits and giggles.
You don't find out how serious they are about dating unless you actually talk and hold a live REAL WORLD CONVERSATION with someone.
Anyone can type and manipulate statements in emails, profiles, and chat. Talking is totally different than online chat/emails. Now if ya just friends emailing and you are comfortable with that, that's cool. But ya got to be proactive if you are serious about meeting someone to prevent possible negative outcomes by playing chat/email ping pong extensively.
This is damn good advice.
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| 3/17/2009 8:57:32 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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bbw46reader
Frederick, MD
age: 47
|
This is damn good advice.
And I follow it consistently.
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| 3/17/2009 10:00:59 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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flyerfan44
Newark, OH
age: 89
|
You should get your hopes up when you agree to meet/date for the first time. Then you can see if there's any chemistry. Thats what you hope for, but there is the reality that you wont click with that person. But as thebestman said, online chat and real life conversation are two completely different animals. Without tonal inflections, facial expressions, eye contact, etc., a lot of the message gets missed or misinterpreted.
Strange that some people would decide to WAIT for weeks or months to meet someone when THAT is the reason for being on a dating site. A quote from a favorite song of mine describes this scenario the best....
"never known is never more" Kings X --from the song Human Behavior
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| 3/18/2009 4:46:17 PM |
When do you get your hopes up? |
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ike2973
Stockton, CA
age: 37
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You should get your hopes up when you agree to meet/date for the first time. Then you can see if there's any chemistry. Thats what you hope for, but there is the reality that you wont click with that person. But as thebestman said, online chat and real life conversation are two completely different animals. Without tonal inflections, facial expressions, eye contact, etc., a lot of the message gets missed or misinterpreted.
Strange that some people would decide to WAIT for weeks or months to meet someone when THAT is the reason for being on a dating site. A quote from a favorite song of mine describes this scenario the best....
"never known is never more" Kings X --from the song Human Behavior
This is so true. Barring distance issues, If there is a mutual interest you should meet asap. Now the hope that springs up when you meet and everything clicks is a whole other animal entirely. That hope can spring desires that may not be shared equally on both sides so it can be a double edge sword.
When do you get your hopes up? I say when you make a contact that keeps you interested and moves beyond e-mail and chat letting yourself hope there is more to come from it is a good thing. How you temper that hope from there on is the hard part.
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