| 11/15/2007 7:03:45 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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bdiane30
Tulsa, OK
age: 31
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Was wondering what you all thought of how the best way to handle the family of your ex after a breakup? We were together for 9 years, have children together. Do we remain friends? I have a lot of love for them, but my ex is bashing me to the ground and trying to involve them into it. Should I cut my loss with them too, to stay clear of the drama? Tell me what you think!!!
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| 11/15/2007 7:21:14 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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laughinisgood
Mesa, AZ
age: 63
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Thats a tough one B. My main concern would be the grandparent relationship with the children.What do you think about dropping by for a visit with them and just lay it on the table? Most likely with time the others in the family will dissappear from your life.Mine drop me like a hot pototo and it wasn't even a divorce.One thing for sure I would let the others know about this bashing the ex is doing on you,even if I had to call them individually. That's a rotten inmature way to handle hurt but guess we all do it differently. Good luck B,try to take just one day at a time. carol
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| 11/15/2007 7:34:15 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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craftygirl002
Tacoma, WA
age: 39
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I don't have kids, so may not be the best qualified to answer this. However, when my parents divorced when I was a child, my mom stayed close with my dad's parents (they're the only grandparents I've ever had). My siblings and I were able to spend a lot more time with my grandparents because of it. Her approach made a difference.
At the same time, there were certain family members my mom chose to avoid over the years. I have no doubt that her choice saved everyone from a lot of drama.
My point is, instead of seeing your choices as:
A) Maintain your relationships with the ex's family members as they have been.
B) Sever all ties with the ex's family.
Why not add a 3rd choice?
C) Forge new relationships with the ex's family.
Instead of trying to defend yourself against what the ex is saying, just show by your actions that he's wrong. Be kind and polite to the ex's family when you do speak to, or see them. Maybe call his parents, if they're local, and say that you've been thinking and are concerned that because you and the ex each have less time with the kids, the kids might not get to spend as much time with the grandparents. Let them know that you feel they are a very important part of the kids' lives and you welcome their involvement. Invite them to call any time the want to spend time with the kids, if it's your turn to have them. If something comes up that you think his parents would enjoy doing with you and the kids, invite them.
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| 11/15/2007 7:39:56 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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metu
West Harrison, NY
age: 46
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Drama-free is always best but you do have to consider your children.......Crafty said it best.........actions speak louder than words. I don't have any kids, but I'm still very good friends with my ex-Mom-in-law, so it can be done. Good luck!
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| 11/15/2007 8:12:17 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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classy777
Tulsa, OK
age: 61
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The main thing right now is to focus primarily on the children and what to watch out for as your going through a messy divorce. Understand that they(the children)will take on blame for something they had no control over and the more bashing between the two of you the more depressed and withdrawn they become so try very hard not to put too many of your issues on them even if you have to call a truce with the ex and above all try to keep as much normalcy as possible in your household.If the children have a good relationship with your in-laws always keep that window open for them. Try very hard to keep the lines of communication open between yourself, your children and your in-laws. "Trust me" you will come out looking better than your ex in the long run.
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| 11/15/2007 9:52:17 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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steveredman
Spotswood, NJ
age: 37
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I am currently going through a divorce also. I do not have any children. As a Counselor I would suggest that for the childrens sake you keep the relationship with the grandparents. Your children might start blaminh themselves for the problems in your marriage if they lose both there father and grandparents
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| 11/15/2007 10:06:39 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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bamarose
Sterrett, AL
age: 38
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You're tied to your ex because of the kids, not his family. There will be occasions where you must interact with them - recitals, graduations, etc., but trying to maintain a friendship is unreasonable. They are his family, so they will side with him. And I think it confuses the kids even more. They need to see that the family unit has changed and not have false expectations or hopes because of the continued interaction. It took me a while to learn that one myself.
Best of luck to you...
Don't listen to me. My ex mother-in-law is a b*tch on wheels, so I'm not a good source. LMAO!! 
[Edited 11/15/2007 10:07:50 AM]
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| 11/15/2007 10:17:33 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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newlife4me2
Saylorsburg, PA
age: 42 online now!
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Going through this myself atm - nasty divorce and all.
My own family is small - my mother, father, brother and an uncle...all residents of the west coast.
His family is huge - brothers (and families), aunts, uncles, cousins galore, mostly residents of the east coast.
My approach has been to absent myself from any and all families functions that are not directly tied to my children. It hurts, his family has been mine for 19 years, but is totally necessary. I can not and will not attend a family function and pretend things are fine.
They always were however his and my children's family - I will not take that away from them or interfere with the relationships. I regualarly encourage them speaking to and keeping close contact with their grandparents and uncles...........I just don't participate.
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| 11/15/2007 10:22:48 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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robert6135
Oak Creek, WI
age: 56
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The way I see it. If they were an important part of your life, than matain the relationship as it was. Don't go out of your way. If after time it seems to be drifting away, let it go with the flow. Remember, it's you and your family first!
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| 11/15/2007 10:29:59 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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bonsaijoe
Vero Beach, FL
age: 40
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oozie ak47 c4 plastic options are endless
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| 11/15/2007 10:46:09 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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bdiane30
Tulsa, OK
age: 31
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Thanks for all the opinions I do appreciate them, I would never try to keep my kids from them or there father, I just am trying to stay clear from them all right now, His mother is the one who initially told me to give him the boot. He was by far the worst person I could have chose to have children with. My mistake, but now he has health issues and his mother is upset with me because he called me yelling at me and his blood pressure went up the roof. He just doesnt know how to end it, even though he is telling some other girl he loves her. LOL never will figure that one out. I have just had brief correspondence with them and told them I would never keep the kids from them, I have been the better person and am just trying to move on. He keeps telling me to quit talking to his family, not to call them etc. etc. But yet I get an email daily from him. blaming me for what went wrong. I am trying to stay civil with him for the kids sake but it doesnt seem to be working. Our children do not know of any of this that is going on and his mother never really was a part of any of theirs lives the whole time we were together so the grandparent thing doesnt really come into play right now.
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| 11/15/2007 10:46:42 AM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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bdiane30
Tulsa, OK
age: 31
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Bonsa, I like that one, sounding pretty good right now LOL
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| 11/15/2007 3:29:15 PM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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endlessly2
Pamplin, VA
age: 88
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That is a hard one. Maybe at first, give a bit of space. With the holidays, send a letter, just letting them know you are thinking of them and that you are glad they are in the kid's lives... if you truly are. Never bash their son.. EVEN if he bashes you.
My ex- fatherinlaw died recently. I liked him. I didn't go to the funeral, because it would have upset my ex, but I did send a card to the family sharing some of the stories I remembered. I was actually surprised to hear that they included pictures of the kids and I with him.
When my ex mil passed a few years ago, I found and contacted an extranged sil to let her know. When my ex found out, he was pissed because none of them had tried to find her and I did. She reconnected with the family, actually moved to where they live just days before he passed.
The difficulty of it all makes me sad. When a couple fails, the only concern should be about the kids. Their grandparents, aunts and uncles are very important to them.
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| 11/15/2007 7:35:54 PM |
What is the best way to handle your Ex family? |
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chopperbabe
Selah, WA
age: 46
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Can't cut the cords with the X's family for you'd better putting the kids in the middle. When they get older they can make the decision on what they see and hear around them. Just make arrangements for your X to take them to see the other family during his time with them ... not yours. Now I'm sure they children will hear all kinds of negative things but maybe you can make a deal with your X and say that you won't say anything negative about him around the children if he does the same. In matters of divorce both parents shouldn't anyways.
[Edited 11/15/2007 7:36:36 PM]
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