Do your children reflect your values in their lives?

5/13/2009 12:44:22 PM	Do your children reflect your values in their lives?
d_voted Winnipeg, MB age: 56	Children are notorious for questioning the values of their parents and any other authorities, noteably around the age of puberty and into their young adult lives. It is a blessing as they seek to identify their own identity and autonomy. What they seek is authenticity and those things which are consistent with their inner spirits. That is why their imagination and energy knows no bounds and they are not willing to let things be as they are. They are naturally inclined towards good yet they often rebel against any authority that cannot put forward a clear idea of what it is they hold to as ideals. Therefore, if looking for a companion in life would it be advisable to view their children as extensions of their parental values?
5/13/2009 2:07:26 PM	Do your children reflect your values in their lives?
lady_bug1952 Rural Retreat, VA age: 57	Quote from d_voted: Therefore, if looking for a companion in life would it be advisable to view their children as extensions of their parental values? I wouldn't think it would be advisable due to the fact that one parent might be trying to live for the Lord and the other not. Just in the case of a couple I knew very well. The woman went to church, read the Bible at home, talked with her children about the Lord and was kind and gentle in her voice. She had a very kind and gentle spirit. But her husband started selling drugs. Ended up giving them drugs and they got additicted and they both ended up in jail as well as the Dad getting arrested. So no, I don't think it would be advisable to view their children as extensions of their parental values. Just my thoughts, Blessings, Char
5/13/2009 6:30:08 PM	Do your children reflect your values in their lives?
jerrig Saint Charles, MO age: 40	There are several points that you make that I wish to address so I will take them one by one rather than trying to remember everything and have it make readable sense in the end. Quote from d_voted: Children are notorious for questioning the values of their parents and any other authorities, noteably around the age of puberty and into their young adult lives. It is a blessing as they seek to identify their own identity and autonomy. I believe that they question authority not to seek to identify with anything but instead because authority as it is tells them that they can not do certain things which they want to do. They don't see the purpose in certain rules because it spoils their fun and no matter what the said authority gives them as an explanation they will rebel against it because the only acceptable answer to them would be to dump the rule and let them do what they want. (Not always but in most cases. Very rarely will you explain a rule to a teenager and hear them say "Well, okay. That does make sense." Not at least without it being followed by a "But....") What they seek is authenticity and those things which are consistent with their inner spirits. That is why their imagination and energy knows no bounds and they are not willing to let things be as they are. I don't believe they have a grasp yet of what their "inner spirit" is. That is such a time of change and personal formation that very few if any children that age are grounded well enough just yet to have a grasp on who they are and what they stand for in the big picture or the small one beyond the current trend. They are naturally inclined towards good yet they often rebel against any authority that cannot put forward a clear idea of what it is they hold to as ideals. Not all children are naturally inclined toward good, just as not all adults are. When raising my daughters if they ever asked why I always gave them an explanation. Always. That does not work. It did not work for me or my daughter and has not worked for any other parent that I have known to do the same. With my boys I will allow myself to say "Because I said so." Period, end of discussion. I will set my example by my relationship with God who tells me in His word not to do certain thing and to do other things. I would never snivel to Him, or stand before him and demand that he give me an explanation as to why or else I would deem his rules not valid. Some day they will understand, without explanation, and so will I. Therefore, if looking for a companion in life would it be advisable to view their children as extensions of their parental values? I give a resounding answer of... No. If one was to look at me as an extension of my mothers parental values they would think that she must have really towed the line in parenting, set good examples for me to follow and instilled me with good and sound morals and ethics. This could not be further from the truth. My mother was and is a blazing alcoholic, verbally and physically abusive. She was very rarely even around and when she was it was never a happy little family picture. If someone were to look at my daughters they would think that I must have not set very many boundaries for them and taught them to put themselves first in all matters. This also could not be any further from the truth. However our Western culture does teach our children these things. It teaches all of us these things. How many times have you heard or even said "Don't worry about them, worry about YOU.", "You have to put YOURSELF first.", "Don't do it for anyone but YOURSELF", You can't please everyone so make sure you please YOURSELF." and so on. There are so very many reasons that you can not form an opinion of a parent by their child. A parent is only but one small part of what makes the child who they are.
5/16/2009 10:12:14 PM	Do your children reflect your values in their lives?
enclosed_garden South San Francisco, CA age: 53	In the case of my sister, it seems her kids have strayed away from the faith that they were introduced to by her, even to the point of rebellion and denial. But my sister has lived differently than what she has preached. So they got a mixed and confusing message of a standard to live by. How unfortunate! So her kids had taken on her rebellious side that was lived out before them and not on the spoken word that supposedly proceeded from her lips. Also, if discipline or correction is applied not in love, then the children are not likely to reflect the values of the administer or asserter of them.
5/17/2009 12:08:51 AM	Do your children reflect your values in their lives?
sharedmercy Fort Wayne, IN age: 53	Most of the time my son does reflect my values. He is being called by God now and he is learning new things in Christ every day. I think one could see me and my values in my son; but I agree with the others, it's probably not wise to look at ones children as extensions of another.
5/17/2009 1:33:59 PM	Do your children reflect your values in their lives?
ms_lowery Lincoln, IL age: 54	I feel she does reflect the values I shared with her. Many times when she was a teenager,I wondered if any thing I thought I'd taught and lived before her got through to her. Since she has grown up many times, I hear her views and I have to smile within, SHE DID get it! Makes me feel good & blesses my We all are unique separate individuals with free wills and thinking. I feel we inherently know what is right,yet we all make bad choices and mistakes sometimes,(things we regret) so I don't feel we should judge anyone by anothers behavior or actions, whether it be our children,friends or others. I feel it's important to study for ourselves,seeking the Lord for ourselves. Making the truth we know, as our own, not just what Mommy,Daddy and Pastor says,but study what is spoken to you and learn,God gave us the mind to decide what to believe is truth. He still asks,"who do "you" say that I am?" Upon this agreement we have an understanding....revealed by the Spirit to our spirit. It's a question we all individually must decide.... It is our hope to instill in our children the values and truth we hold dear,to make them good and responsible people as they mature.... The Word says,if we train up a child in the way he should go,when he's old he won't depart from it. Usually he does remember the ways and returns,but sometimes he doesn't. Remember the parable of the sower,some seeds fall on fallow ground some good and some begin and are choked by weeds? I wouldn't base the whole decision on the children, no.
5/19/2009 1:13:39 PM	Do your children reflect your values in their lives?
d_voted Winnipeg, MB age: 56	It is curious how people look at their own lives as parents and also as children who grew up with certain types of parents. I would not wish to be evaluated by the parenting style of my father nor my mother. Yet with that disaster came myself and two brothers who have ALL achieved some level of success in parenting. Each of us has earned the love and trust of his children in spite of not having been nourished ourselves. My older brother once said, "When I am not sure what to do, I try to think of what our father would do and then I do the opposite. I'm quite sure to be right most of the time." In my case it took divine intervention to instigate and sustain any changes in my life to make me capable of being a parent. Somehow my brothers fumbled through it without such a drastic upheaval in their lives. I admire people who can do well in parenting regardless of their personal history. Youth is impetuous and questioning by nature. I suspect that most of the success my daughters have is by me staying out of the way - yet being there in the background so they know that I'll be there if they need me. I am very proud of my girls as they are blossoming into really classy young ladies. But I don't really see how I had any real influence in how they turned out. I suspect they both sought the direction of the Holy Spirit and haven't shirked any responsibilities in their own domains. I suspect if someone were to judge me by my girls they would be sorely disappointed when they got to know me. So I agree with the consensus that evaluating a person by their children would not often provide an accurate assesment of the parent. Just wondering what others thought. Not all dogs eat cats.

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