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Forums: Groups: Divorced: Looking to understand
11/29/2007 10:40:37 AM Looking to understand  

liloweem
Chandler, MN
age: 32

 I am new to all this online stuff i trying to reach out any body there? Well i was married for 10 years with some one i thought that love me for who I am. Evey thing seemed fine And I one day My life that i knew and loved was ripped away.My wife the way I take stated a online relation ship with a guy that is 11 years younger than she is and they fell in love so much she gave me evey thing but the kids. I not a perfect person i know that. I worked very hard to get the things that I thought that mattered to her. Now she wont even Talk to me I dont know what i did wronge she tells me it just happen and it wasnt my fault. But I Feel it was dont know way just feels that wayI love my kids and I do want her to have her happyness even if it is not with me. But know what do i do? I feel lonly and worthless.






Some one save me
lilo
11/29/2007 10:57:52 AM Looking to understand  

applebottom1973
Jonesboro, GA
age: 34

 the hardest part is letting go. your still hurt and havent got mad yet. thats what my mother told me 3 months ago. let her go dont try to talk to her it will take time but time is on your side
11/29/2007 11:04:39 AM Looking to understand  

lawvixen
Oldsmar, FL
age: 54

 There are two sides to every story.....and she is not here to give her version of what happened. Many married couples after a good amount of time- love each other, but are not IN love with each other any longer. Sometimes people feel "the grass is greener over the septic tank".



[Edited 11/29/2007 11:05:57 AM]
11/29/2007 11:19:35 AM Looking to understand  

liloweem
Chandler, MN
age: 32

 Yes she isnt here she dont have to be i Know some way it was my falt. Maybe i didnt spend time or did things with her I told her every day that i loved her. She workd from 8 am to 4pm and i worked from 4pm to 12 am We didnt have alot of us time but when we did i made sure it was with her and the kids. I just dont know. She is 31 and left me for a 19 year old it blows my mind.
11/29/2007 11:34:31 AM Looking to understand  

lawvixen
Oldsmar, FL
age: 54

 You just explained ONE reason why your marriage may have failed. I am sure different working hours contributed to the factor. Plus, marriages don't break up over night. I am certain you were given some clues and not totally blindsided by this.

Lilo, you ask us to save you...we can't do that......only you can save yourself.

My personal opinion is that I think you need to give it some more time before you join an online dating site. I personally don't feel you are ready, emotionally, to date at this time.
11/29/2007 12:02:07 PM Looking to understand  

liloweem
Chandler, MN
age: 32

 I dont know what to say to that many ways u are right. My pastor said the same thing yes women put out signs may be i was too blind or dumb too see them. But it been 6 months and i have gotton over her it was very hard too. And i am ready to start a new chap in my life. For the topic was just trying to under stand she just didnt leave me she left her famialy as well she hasnt contacted her mother since this happen. she didnt put in a 2 week notice at work. she smashed her best friend jenn they were like sisters and she wont even talk to her ether. She left her whole life and every one in it. She gave up So much for so little. I send her child support like i am too she sends it back. I dont know much but if there was a big problem u think she would said some thing to her mom or her best frind of 15 years?



Every one in her life has a big ?


And no answers.
11/29/2007 12:03:58 PM Looking to understand  

lasttime4me
Townsend, MT
age: 62

 lilo: just sit back and enjoy the show,she thinks that young guy will float her boat. He Is just a player and she will get her dew . My wife of 32 years left for a 20some year younger guy and now she is homeless. What go's around come's around. Just let your past be just that, enjoy life while you are still young. I live life to the fullest and every day is a blessing. Just get right back on that horse and ride again my friend.
11/29/2007 12:10:54 PM Looking to understand  

liloweem
Chandler, MN
age: 32

 Well I going to do just that I ready to move forward instead of this (pause state)

Time to live for now not the past.
11/29/2007 12:15:58 PM Looking to understand  

lawvixen
Oldsmar, FL
age: 54

 I don't know your ex, nor neither of your situation when you were married, so I can't answer that. Just move on....

last, how do you know her new boyfriend is a player? Do you know him personally?
11/29/2007 4:00:53 PM Looking to understand  

alleyoop1022
Abingdon, VA
age: 37

 I am very sorry for what has happened to you. I finally left my hubby of 16 years after his third affair. The last 2 affairs were with women in their 20's. He is 40. It is devistating to love someone so much for so long and know that they do not return it. But that is the key: They do not return it.

At some point you have to be able to realize that people change. A lot of the time the person we are in love with is the person we met how ever many years ago it was. Not the person you are with today.

What I had to do was tell myself many times a day that I no longer want to be with him. I deserve to be with someone who loves me as much as i love them and I will settle for no less. Tell yourself this all day long and one day it will finally hit you that it is true. I refuse to continue to love anyone who has no problem walking out on me and our children. And yes, one day I will find someone who will love me as much as I love them.

Also, we have to keep in mind that NOTHING is forever. It's a fantasy. Yes, I do think marriages and relationships can survive a lifetime, but both people must be willing to work hard and that is not always the case.

I can honestly say that I no longer love my ex. I care about him and always will, but I have no desire to be more than friends with him.

Keep your chin up and hang in there. Things do get better. Believe me, I know you don't think so right now. I've been there and didn't believe it either. But it does. Learn to love yourself!!!! Hope this helps some.

Remember this:

God determines who walks into your life

its up to you to decide:

...who you let walk away

...who you allow to stay

...and who you refuse to let go.
11/29/2007 9:37:15 PM Looking to understand  

liloweem
Chandler, MN
age: 32

 This does it took the last 4 month to like my self again. I dont have very many friends or famialy for support. I am a God fearing man I do feel alone but i know God is with me i pray to him every day. But with the my work it very hard to have a soicail life working to 4pm to 12 am. I am hoping that will change befor summer. I get the kids once a month so far i havent seen them but hoping that will change too. I am giving it one more month then going to get a guarden of light to set up visits. But I am going to try to get back on the horse and try dating again this is going to be fun and scary since i havent done it in like 12 years.
11/29/2007 11:20:43 PM Looking to understand  

sensual_latin
Pleasanton, CA
age: 41
I am a God fearing man I do feel alone but i know God is with me i pray to him every day

Lilo, sorry for what you've gone through, but this will only make you stronger.
God is with you but if you are not with God, you will always feel alone / lonely.
If you need support or someone to talk to, please send me an email.
11/30/2007 7:33:04 AM Looking to understand  

stargazzer
Creighton, NE
age: 59

 Lilo My guess is that it will be about 6 years before you are ready for a serious long time relationship and to push for one now would be a mistake. jmop As for myself it was about 6 years that I relized I did not hate anymore and was ready untill then I did not date as it was not fair for anyone that I would have ben with. Though by this time I knew no one too date. LOL.
12/2/2007 4:10:53 PM Looking to understand  

outtosee
Colorado Springs, CO
age: 30

 Lilo:
I just went through a very similiar situation...and all i can say is hang in there. Her decisions only effect her, so don't let them effect you. The pain is very real and what she's doing might hurt for a long time, but keep in mind...there's light at the end of the tunnel....and a whole new world out there. You're just in so deep in the mud that you can't even begin to see what's available to you. Don't give up...hold on to hope and keep walking....just keep walking.