Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?

11/27/2009 3:07:54 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 40	i dont recall if ive seen one of these threads or not, so i do apologize, but if s/o tells u sort of in the early stages of seeing and talking to them that they r "jealous" of what u r doing on your free time and possibly if u r w/anyone when u arent w/them, is it a sign of showing that they r starting to care about u and want to spend more time w/u OR is it more of a sign of insecurity w/themselves and testing your reaction? How would u know the differences of "good" jealousy vs. "bad" jealousy?? ** my ex was never jealous of me enuf i think.....sometimes thats a good thing i think and sometimes it can be a bad thing. we like a little jealousy to show they care enuf about us but at the same time, u dont want to see weird behaviors popping up! could it be he's trying to say ........ ????? P.S. i hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! (i know i did....and then some) Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
11/27/2009 3:09:51 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
dateable1 Berea, KY age: 45	My opinion is that it depends on the degree of jealousy. If a person is extremely jealous, that's more insecurity. JMO
11/27/2009 3:11:14 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
sandra49ok Shelton, WA age: 51	i dont think there is a good form of jealousy its a crazy emotion that i can't stand
11/27/2009 3:27:40 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
claudius5 Petaluma, CA age: 60	Sign of insecurity for whatever reason. Meaning it doesn't have to make sense, only to them.
11/27/2009 3:30:29 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
chucky_t Akron, IN age: 62 online now!	I want to know where you are because I care. I want to know you are always safe.
11/27/2009 3:31:56 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
msbevzie Oregon, OH age: 46	insecurity.. an underlying factor for some problem a person has... Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. [Edited 11/27/2009 3:37:10 PM ]
11/27/2009 3:32:40 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
wsprs0nthewind Powell, TN age: 46	Insecurity. If they are jealous early in the relationship just imagine what it will be later on.
11/27/2009 4:09:27 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
arm67 Penns Grove, NJ age: 43	Insecurity, and very unflattering because it also shows a lack of trust. Now showing a small amount of possessiveness, and I do mean small, is one thing. But jealousy, nah... Just went through it, on the receiving end no less. Not a nice feeling...
11/27/2009 4:12:49 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
gentlemanjim1 North Fort Myers, FL age: 61 online now!	I agree with the OP. There is definitely a "good" kind of jealousy. The good kind does not in any way suggest that he/she does not trust you. It is not even directed necessarily at the one they love or care about. A guy can be jealous if other males tend to look at, or gawk at the lady they are with. So his jealousy is directed toward the actions of others and not the one he is with. It becomes "BAD" jealousy when the person is always asking things like: where are you going, who with, when will you be back. I don't like who you hang around with, who were you talking to on the phone, who were you just chatting with on-line? Those kind of questions and the tone they might be asked, are signs he does not trust her. Assuming she gave him no reason o mis-trust, then yes, it's an insecure harmful type of jealousy. I can get jealous. But NEVER is it a trust issue. I am very secure in how the lady I love will conduct herself even if I was out of the country. So that kind of simple jealousy is healthy. I like to know my lady is attractive to other men even though I might get jealous...slightly. I also agree, that when a partner expresses some jealousy it shows they care. So long as the trust issue is in tact, then jealousy is not a big deal and very human.
11/27/2009 4:13:28 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 40	boy,i shud have made this question a poll?? its funny how the answers r coming out! i think so far we have 5 "insecurities" vs. "caring". i know i was a bit vague....but i just wanted to throw it out there if s/o starts questioning u already. i mean i was never w/anyone that was controlling or anything like that, but when s/o does react like the jealous type, one tends to think hmmmm, do they care or r they getting weirded out?? ** i think ppl even get jealous in these forums. i sense it ALL THE TIME! I mean after all it is an emotion. whether its good or not.....idk!
11/27/2009 4:20:28 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
steven030463 Newton Falls, OH age: 47	Jealousy is only one thing to me, its bad. Jealousy is jealousy. I'm so glad that I'm not a jealous person. when you like someone, and the one your likeing is talking to an other person or guy, and you get pissed, thats jealousy in my eyes, now if you get pissed because the guy your talking too, you know he will hurt you or treat you like trash and you tell her don't talk to him because, thats caring. Big difference but I would tell you why I don't want to see you talk to him, I don't want to see you get hurt, your heart means that much to me. I hope I made sense.
11/27/2009 4:22:12 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
tommyutahn Salt Lake City, UT age: 37	On Wednsday I went to two concerts. The lady I was with is alot of fun. I did have a little bit of jealousy running through my veins at the second concert. She knew alot of people at the concert both men and women. Some of the guys that she knew were hugging her and even flirting a little bit. I gotta say I did'nt like it at all. But at the end of the night she did go home with me!! I know that people have friends of the opposite sex, and these were friends that she had known long before me. Besides it was just a date after all!!
11/27/2009 4:29:47 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 40	hmmm, sometimes i think jealousy is a strange emotion. sometimes it pops up when we least expect it and then other times it can rear its ugly head and u think OMG, am i thinking like that? i guess there is a fine line and thanks so far to the ones who have pointed out distinctions when it comes to trust. i mean in the early stages, u r still starting to build trust, so i think if one is asking certain questions and its too much, then it could be a red flag or your own insecurities might be showing and u need to take a step back. whats that ole' saying? until s/o gives u a reason to not trust, then u have to trust. ** but what if he is HOT, and i dont want all the chickes hanging all over him?? i might have to get a can of whoop-ass out! (joke)
11/27/2009 4:33:33 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
horace_schitt Wausau, WI age: 43	Quote from dateable1: My opinion is that it depends on the degree of jealousy. If a person is extremely jealous, that's more insecurity. JMO Yup. I really don't bother with the jealousy thing anymore like I did when I was young and stupid. The way I see it, if she's gonna do it, she's gonna do it, and if she does, it's over. Simple as that. One and done. I don't have time in my life anymore for stupid shit.
11/27/2009 4:35:03 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
luvinlifetou2 Biddeford, ME age: 43	Depends on who what and why! Jealousy for no reason is not cool.... if you are just insecure? That sucks. But if you have a reason to be jealous....well...then maybe. If someone is hitting on you despite all your telling him no, and he gets jealous and steps up? I would call that good jealousy..... If you didnt do anything and he gets mad at YOU cuz some guy is hitting on you, well...that would be bad jealousy... Does that make any sense? JMO!!!!!!! Luvin [Edited 11/27/2009 4:36:15 PM ]
11/27/2009 4:35:54 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
maniacmassager Lawrence, MA age: 44 online now!	Insecurity all the way. run away as fast as you can from an overly jealous person.
11/27/2009 4:48:27 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 40	Quote from luvinlifetou2: Depends on who what and why! Jealousy for no reason is not cool.... if you are just insecure? That sucks. But if you have a reason to be jealous....well...then maybe. If someone is hitting on you despite all your telling him no, and he gets jealous and steps up? I would call that good jealousy..... If you didnt do anything and he gets mad at YOU cuz some guy is hitting on you, well...that would be bad jealousy... Does that make any sense? JMO!!!!!!! Luvin LUVIN.....i always listen to what u have to say, girl! u said it simply put and to the nose.....sometimes i need a refresher course!! thank u, dear!
11/27/2009 9:16:40 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 40	any other opinions on this?? the more answers i get, the better understanding i will have of the JEALOUS monster rearing its ugly head! after all, i am working 2 threads here....and no, they arent the same ppl!
11/27/2009 10:19:10 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
secretagentman0 Jackson, WY age: 47	you make a good point or two. i presently have no answer. sorry.
11/27/2009 10:19:27 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
hsprin Savannah, MO age: 34	Well I think that a little jealousy is cute. I mean like when another man is hitting on you and he just say comes over and gives you kiss or put his hand around you. Like marking his turf. lol The kind where you can't go anywhere without the three degree or them knowing what you wear, who you talk too or where you go. Not so much. A little jealousy I think shows that one cares and that they know they have a good thing going. Better than not being appreciated.
11/27/2009 10:45:42 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
latestflame Germantown, TN age: 33	I personally think if someone says jealousy is an insecurity it's a person who just wants someone off their back where they can cheat. In extreme cases yeah the eprson must stop or break up. But if someone is giving a REASON for someone to feel jealous then nah it's not insecurity. It's logic. I never understand how someone can say it's always insecurity. See if one of these people would then cheat on someone then whoever was jealous was obviously very perceptive. Of course they should just break up when they think they have reason to be jealous. I guess if I see someone walking down my street with a gun... I'm insecure if I am scared. Same thing.
11/27/2009 10:58:43 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
irresistiblered Longmont, CO age: 45	This is a prime example of analyzing an issue to death. There is no define line between Jealousy... Control... Insecurity... Possessiveness... Belonging... Caring... Loving... and all the rest of emotions which comes from or hovers around that word. All it will come down to...How does it make you feel to be a subject of, or feel it. That's all. It's up to you to make that to a negative or positive feeling.
11/27/2009 11:16:45 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
latestflame Germantown, TN age: 33	Yeah good point. And if you notice here almost every topic is analyzing something to death too. Man this site puts me back in bad habits I was getting rid of because most people here are... not exactly thinking about things in healthy ways. I analyze too much also. Too bad everyone can't simply feel and know the right way to react to how they feel. Trust me thinking about things just leads you in circles anyway when you analyze a relationship too much.
11/28/2009 1:38:45 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
owlwisdom Las Vegas, NV age: 41	Insecurity and lack of trust in self and significant other.
11/28/2009 7:13:04 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
tryagaindj68 Evansville, IN age: 42	Quote from horace_schitt: I don't have time in my life anymore for stupid shit. Ah yes, and this is why I'd only date guys my age or older.
11/28/2009 7:43:01 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
sweet_li Orlando, FL age: 45	Quote from luvinlifetou2: Depends on who what and why! Jealousy for no reason is not cool.... if you are just insecure? That sucks. But if you have a reason to be jealous....well...then maybe. If someone is hitting on you despite all your telling him no, and he gets jealous and steps up? I would call that good jealousy..... If you didnt do anything and he gets mad at YOU cuz some guy is hitting on you, well...that would be bad jealousy... Does that make any sense? JMO!!!!!!! Luvin this post nails my sentiments on this topic exactly. i think there is such thing as 'healthy jealousy' and 'unhealthy/toxic jealousy'. most well-adjusted, grounded adults who were loved and cared for as children will exhibit 'healthy jealousy' towards/regarding their mate. people who have insecurity, abandonment or other issues sometimes exhibit 'unhealthy/toxic jealousy' towards/regarding their mate. most people are able to tell the difference between the two because of how it'll make them feel.
11/28/2009 9:19:59 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
dare2dream101 Springfield, MO age: 47	I think most people are jealous to a degree. It's how you react to it that is very telling. An arm around you or kiss to mark their territory...acceptable. Neanderthal thumping of chest, peeing on chairs....not acceptable. Where you going, how long you gonna be, who ya gonna see while your there, your not wearing that, why'd it take 5 minutes longer to get home...INSECURE & CONTROLLING. jmho
11/28/2009 9:30:26 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
polefrog Harriman, TN age: 53	Extreme jealousy is a sign of abandonment somewhere in the past...Complete lack of jealousy would indicate other issues.....What kind of messed up are you looking for?
11/28/2009 9:36:03 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
life2short6 Granbury, TX age: 54	A little jealousy on an intimate level, I think is just a way of showing one cares, however obsessive jealousy, is not good, and indicates insecurity. Depends on the seriousness of the delivery as well... I used to say "Make sure the male dancers are gone by the time I get home". Would I be jealous? No, can't hold a relationship hostage. People are people, men or women.
11/28/2009 9:52:17 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
longlegslewis Auburn, WA age: 44	Jealousy in any form is purely a way for a person to say "I am insecure and do not trust you to make the right decisions" I was in a relationship for a very long time with a very jealous person. He was even jealous of the 24 year old girl in the office. She is so "not my type" I finally woke up and realized I had no friends. He had managed to isolate me and keep me to himself without me even realizing that it was happening. I recently dated a guy who was just as bad but in a different way. He wanted me to have friends but only so he could b*tch about how he was ignored or treated badly when we were together. He became possessive really quickly. Asking who was that every time the blackberry rang. He had to know what every e-mail said. We had only dated a month when I realized all the stories he was telling me about his ex-girlfriend were true. But I was seeing them from her side of the relationship without ever hearing her side. It was amazing. Another example is my roommate who is a man, was wanting to date a woman who told him she did not like him having a female roommate. He actually let me know I would probably have to move so that he could have a relationship with her. Then she writes him again and has decided she wants a friends w/benefits relationship. Jealousy with out a reason if you ask me. My roommate and I are very good friends and have a lot in common. But we have no interest in being in a relationship together. Jealousy is a horrible thing. Be secure in who you are and trust the person you are with till they give you a reason not to. If you cannot trust them you cannot have a true loving relationship.
11/28/2009 10:13:59 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 40	Quote from polefrog: Extreme jealousy is a sign of abandonment somewhere in the past...Complete lack of jealousy would indicate other issues.....What kind of messed up are you looking for? POLE, this was actually funny! ummm, im not really looking for any kind of "messed up" thank you.... but thanks to everyone who has given me food for thought. at times in life i think we need to be reminded what is "healthy" vs. "not healthy" and its up to us as individuals like so many have said in here we will know by how it makes us "feel". there really is something to be said for that "gut instinct" and when we start to question it. ** hmmm, i know there r things im jealous of right now....but it aint no man....its other things in my life!
12/5/2009 12:07:37 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
icuddle Salem, OR age: 58	There is no such thing as good jealousy. All jealousy is bad, and a sign of self love rather than love of another. Jealosy is Stage One Controlling, and a sign of mental instability. If you love someone, and they are happier with someone other than you, you do not get jealous (angry, hateful, vengeful, etc)...you let them go, and wish them the best. You find some happiness in the fact that they are happy. Then you move on to someone who does want you, and find your own happiness.
12/5/2009 12:20:32 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
wisegirl33 Queensland Australia age: 45	Hey icudle, there must be a lot of mentally unstable people out there then. But I agree with you, it is better to move on quickly than to "hang around", hoping that the unrequited love will turn into something. wisegirl33 - 5 Dec 2009 at 621pm Aest
12/5/2009 12:23:17 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
wheels915 Mesa, AZ age: 51	I never in my life have seen a 'good' jealousy. Often good advice such as 'don't bother with said person because they're bad news' is mistooken for jealousy when in some fact it is bcause of something they have experienced, observed, or know by comparison. In my opinion jealousy is selfishness in it's rawest form.
12/5/2009 3:48:49 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
1sillybrat Hartselle, AL age: 53	It depends on the jealousy. A little jealousy could just be a sign of caring and can be sometimes actually very nice. Someone who is mediocre jealous probably insecure. Someone ALOT jealous is trying to be controlling. They get you where you don't want to speak to anyone to avoid the drama from the jealous one.
12/5/2009 3:58:37 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
phina1 Walton, KY age: 49	Any type of jealousy is bad in my book.
12/5/2009 5:24:36 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
chucky_t Akron, IN age: 62 online now!	Is it jealousy to want your family safe? You want to know where they are and they are safe? To many that is jealousy. I don't see it that way. As to a partner in life, I think a little jealousy is a good thing. You want a partner the does not care where you are? They are not a little jealous where and who you are with? If you do not want someone a little jealous of you, then maybe you are not ready for someone that really cares about you.
12/5/2009 11:10:08 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
carbonv Salem, AR age: 52	Jealousy can be either one of those things (caring or insecurity.)If you care for someone, there are things that could make you a bit jealous, but a LOT of this depends a lot on both the people involved and the circumstances. You might have one "nut" for a friend that says something a bit off color to your S/O and you think nothing of it cause it is just your friend being silly, someone else might say the same thing with different intent and you would not appreciate it at all. Now being overly jealous.. that is more an issue of insecurity. It can also cause BIG problems in a relationship, or a potential relationship. I guess I am just saying it is all relative, you can find good and bad in everything.
12/5/2009 11:27:35 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
bigt85 Monroe, NC age: 34	Its insecurity and or a control thing. I was married to one. Made for good times!
12/5/2009 11:27:52 AM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
bbw47reader Frederick, MD age: 48	Quote from polefrog: Extreme jealousy is a sign of abandonment somewhere in the past...Complete lack of jealousy would indicate other issues.....What kind of messed up are you looking for? The best we can do is try to find someone with whom our neuroses mesh. Mary, all I know is that I can tell the difference. I have dated/lived with men with little to no jealousy and I really (really) like the security and confidence they tend to have.
12/5/2009 2:20:44 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
settee_for_2 Flower Mound, TX age: 57	There was another thread like this one in another forum but dealing with other emotions.. Jealousy is a secondary emotion just like surprise or affection. An emotionally health person is capable of feeling a range of emotions. It only becomes a problem if a person limits themselves to a few emotions such as sadness or envy. Emotions are also situational. A person can feel jealousy in a certain situation such as the one Tommy alluded to without letting the situation overwhelm all other reasonable thoughts. As a mature adult, we are responsible for controlling our emotions. So I don't think it is an either or question, Mary. A little bit of jealousy is caring; a lot of jealousy is insecurity.
12/5/2009 3:35:11 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
xporcelain Grafton, OH age: 19	Jealousy is always out of insecurity issues with yourself. And you don't have to "care" about somebody to be jealous. Women compare themselves to other women all the time, and are jealous of other women. Men do the same. There's no 'good' jealousy -- it makes you seem insecure, needy, and if it's overboard possibly an emotional wreck.
12/5/2009 3:58:21 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
diamond721 Harvey, IL age: 31	Insecurity
12/5/2009 4:36:59 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 40	thanks, everyone, for all the "jealousy" responses to my thread....and i think i got a good idea of what to look for..... i was never w/an extreme jealous person myself, but when it seems to pop up early, then i had to question it a bit.... i HOPE a man never gives me reason to feel insecure and be jealous of him and his time or being away from him. i want to be able to trust him and the same for him w/me is all i can say! sometimes it seems harder to do esp. when it comes to trust....but thats a WHOLE other issue!(sigh) (now ive moved on to stalking in my other thread) i have to keep up w/one weirdo disorder at a time! ** i know one thing....im damn jealous of my cat....cuz he gets to live life being lazy and its just not fair!
12/5/2009 9:38:49 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
green17 Lewisburg, TN age: 32	It could be a sign of insecurity or a sign of a person being clingy or controlling.
12/5/2009 11:09:56 PM	Is jealousy a sign of insecurity or a symptom of being caring?
codyg123 Nashua, NH age: 34	Thats real simple. He is very insecure, but yes he does care. Being jealous just means that he wants you he does'nt want anyone to have you. Now if he was smart. He would have become unavailable to you. You might have been the one who gets jealous. Because you know why. People always want what they can't have. And if he just took a step back and kept his distance from you. You would want to know what he was doing. Shifting focus from him to you. From you to him. Because, he would be making himself hard to get. He would become the one you can't have.

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