Summary of my last year on the computer!!

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12/27/2007 10:41:44 AM	Summary of my last year on the computer!!
jeannie1952 Warrensburg, MO age: 55	Isn't it crazy the things we get thru email? I got this today from a friend and I think it pretty much sums up the possibilities of what we buy into thru email. Hope everyone gets a chuckle! I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day . Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since the company's owner is French and doesn't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have the company's recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5 PM this afternoon, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. Have a wonderful day! Oh, by the way...a South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their email with their hand on the mouse.
12/27/2007 10:53:42 AM	Summary of my last year on the computer!!
qirki San Francisco, CA age: 62	You forgot the lottery winner notifications, the Canadian medicine purchases, the yahoo buy this (that you can't stop!), and the business offers that will make you a millionaire in one week!
12/27/2007 11:06:39 AM	Summary of my last year on the computer!!
harriett Homosassa, FL age: 61 online now!	I have learned to type faster & discovered a whole new world that must be approached with caution.
12/27/2007 11:54:50 AM	Summary of my last year on the computer!!
jeannie1952 Warrensburg, MO age: 55	Ain't it the truth!!!
12/27/2007 12:07:52 PM	Summary of my last year on the computer!!
elfiegirl Venice, FL age: 53 online now!	OMGosh Jeannie...too funny! ROFLMAO I love the ones about you being an agent for them by depositing bogus checks or money orders into your account, or you are their new best friend, and you are the recipient of an inheritance of someone who died in a bad auto accident in some country you never heard of before!
12/27/2007 2:58:08 PM	Summary of my last year on the computer!!
jeannie1952 Warrensburg, MO age: 55	I've never understood falling for those! I can't imagine a total stranger talking me into depositing or sending or calling anything or anywhere for them. I guess there are always "marks" everywhere. And the missing kids or dying people...what's the point of those emails? How do you get rich from those or is it just the satisfaction of knowing that people are buying into the story and passing it around!?!
1/8/2008 2:22:02 PM	Summary of my last year on the computer!!
qazyguy Rockville, MD age: 50 online now!	I guess you must have missed those nekkid pix I sent you Let Me Go Qazy On You
1/8/2008 4:20:30 PM	Summary of my last year on the computer!!
pamela0324 Pasadena, MD age: 53	Thanks, Jeannie. I also have gotten many or most of those email messages. Still waiting for my wishes to come true, my ship to come in and my life to get easier. But I definitely type faster!!