decisions concerning my 'past life'

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3/24/2010 7:56:04 AM	decisions concerning my 'past life'
looking4_prince Twin Falls, ID age: 57	I am sitting here with tears streaming ...I had decided to have a garage sale to clear-out one of my garages...Someone came,and placed boxes where I could get thru them...each box has so many memories...so much a piece of 'us'..not just me...I have given away so much already,I know it's only 'stuff',but my heart is breaking thinking of letting go of more...am I giving up 'my past' or getting ready for my future ?? Meet singles in your area here at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free for everything! Join now!
3/24/2010 9:30:30 AM	decisions concerning my 'past life'
cali1234 Exeter, CA age: 62	I so understand, I haven't done anything with my hubby's ashes yet! I was suppose to spread them on our place, but not going to do it. Don't know yet what I am going to do, of course it has only been 2 years LOL. Actually two years in a couple of days.
3/24/2010 10:12:43 AM	decisions concerning my 'past life'
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV age: 51	Believe me, I understand. There has been so much loss already. And you're just facing more. You'll open those boxes and take out something...and be reminded of him. You'll see him touching the object or talking about. You'll remember when you bought or got it. As you set it aside to be sold or gotten rid of, you say goodbye to him all over again. I recently moved, as you know, Looking, and I did it rather fast. I had been weeding through things all last summer but doing it rather slowly. When I moved, I had to go through things fast and there are some things I regret having done. That's neither here nor there anymore. But there are still things I need to shed. As I've been going through boxes (still) I have the leisure to do it slowly. And it's been really hard. Because I feel like I'm getting rid of everything of him. I haven't, but it feels like it, and even those who I would have expected to understand that, don't. None of this is just 'stuff'. It represents the life you led. It represents the love you have. But know, after you've gone through it and made your decision and mourned again, that this stuff really doesn't hold the memories. It will prompt them, but it doesn't hold the memories. (And believe me, I'm trying to convince myself of the same thing right about now.) So go ahead, Looking. Relive the memories. Let the tears flow. Your heart will break as you're doing this, you are letting go of more. You are saying goodbye to your past, not giving it up. You're saying goodbye to the future you thought you would have. There is nothing at all wrong in feeling this way. You have to do it in order to live the future you have now.
3/24/2010 10:22:47 AM	decisions concerning my 'past life'
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV age: 51	You know, I've been kind of beating myself up about why I'm hanging on to things and why I'm having trouble in letting go of some things because I think about my dad and my aunts and uncles. They left their home country in a hurry, leaving everything behind, and had only their memories to take with them. I kept thinking that I should be strong like they were. They did what had to be done and didn't look back. Except that's not really what happened. Yes, they did what they had to, but they did look back. They did regret. They did mourn what they had to leave behind. Once they did go back (some of my family remained behind), they did treasure some of those things left there. They brought back some of those things. And you know what else, since establishing their lives here, they kind of became packrats. The thing is we do need stuff around us. We do need the physical reminder of things. I'm not going to beat myself up about not being strong like them. Because I am strong. And so are you, Looking. It's strong to go through all this stuff and decide what to do. It's strong to go through all of this stuff and let the memories engulf you. It's strong to let those memories give you more strength, even though that's not what it feels like. It is giving you strength, through those tears. It's not looking backwards, it's taking strength from what was. It's a gentle caress from him helping you move along. It's bittersweet. It will make you smile through those tears. I guess it's just another step on the path. My thoughts are with you, Looking.
3/24/2010 1:26:53 PM	decisions concerning my 'past life'
ladyvirtue1955 Magalia, CA age: 54	Quote from looking4_prince: I am sitting here with tears streaming ...I had decided to have a garage sale to clear-out one of my garages...Someone came,and placed boxes where I could get thru them...each box has so many memories...so much a piece of 'us'..not just me...I have given away so much already,I know it's only 'stuff',but my heart is breaking thinking of letting go of more...am I giving up 'my past' or getting ready for my future ?? I'm not ready to "give" up a lot of things from my past life..I still have voicemail of my late husband that I still listen to from time to time..makes me cry every time..some times I think I must be into self torture..my neice recently told me that once I am ready, I will delete them..perhaps..sigh..
4/2/2010 7:16:15 PM	decisions concerning my 'past life'
looking4_prince Twin Falls, ID age: 57	well...everything is back where it was...I have decided to get a different house !!..and keep most of my treasures...He may have only lived here a few weeks...but "his" memories are still here,and I want my own...
4/11/2010 9:16:02 PM	decisions concerning my 'past life'
looking4_prince Twin Falls, ID age: 57	Been looking for a different house for a few weeks now...I have no idea where I thought 150 thousand would be enough...living in the old days,I guess,but it's what I had to work with...Haven't found anything ...but I did find someone that told me he could change the things that upset me about this one...like the room where my husband died...the bid for many changes came in about 5 thousand...Sounds great,but will it ease the memories of my husband's passing here just because the room isn't there any more ??(that's my biggest problem..walking into the room where I watched him die)