If it were me, I would appreciate your being there. Especially since obviously we've hit it off so well and you'd already spent some time with me in a hard and sad situation.
Yes. I agree. I have seen her at her most vulnerable and sad moments and (relationship speaking, not focused on the real situation thinking) it went well. (Of course, I was not there to win brownie points for being such a good guy; I went there to help a person through an extremely hard situation.) I told her I'd do: I took her a blanket, food, drink; I stayed awake with her all night the first night so she could have some time away (mentally) from the stress at hand; I hugged her, held her hand, and stroked her hair. All this was only motivated by a care for her well being in this time. I was there to support her and help her, as well as I know how. Who knows, perhaps I was only put in her life to help her through this difficult time. I don't think so, and I REALLY hope not - she's such a wonderful woman with such a kind and soft heart, but if that is it, then I did my part so far.
| 8/15/2010 6:16:55 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
This isn't a typical situation, so please read below.
I met a beautiful, seemingly great woman here on DH 2 weeks ago. We've really hit it off well. We communicate and can talk for hours without realizing the time. We did the IM / email thing a few days, then texted for 3-4 days before talking on the phone. Then one day I go the great idea... why not webcam it. So, we did and we hit it off even better. We decided to see each other in person the next day (to be done on Thursday, 4 days ago). So far everything was going great.
The afternoon of the planned first date, her mother had a stroke. She was quite upset and asked me to come see her at the hospital after her family left (of course I've never met them). I did, and even though it was a horrible situation to meet a person, we still connected - just on a different / deeper level than most people do the first time they meet someone. I stayed with her all night at the hospital offering my support.
Two nights later (last night) I was able to go back to the hospital again and I once again stayed all night with her. She hadn't had very much sleep in three days, so I tried my best to create a situation so she could get some sleep. I left at sunrise. By early afternoon, I received a text telling me that he mother had just passed away.
When helping me with my question, please consider:
No one in her family has met me;
No one in her family even knows I exist;
She has kids (20, 15, 12) who also have never met me;
I am a complete stranger / outsider to her family and do not want to cause any additional stress in the situation;
I will not be a stranger / outsider forever (but we certainly have not planned for me to meet anyone nearly this early);
I really care about this woman and want to help her get through this time in any way I can.
There is a funeral coming up on Wednesday or Thursday, and I have no idea what to do here.
So my questions are:
Should I plan to go to the funeral if she asks me to go?
If not, how do I tell her I don't feel right about going?
If she does ask, should I just keep my mouth shut and go?
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 8/15/2010 6:20:46 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
torisdad
Louisville, KY
age: 42
|
Well Einstein, if you met her here, she is reading this and you're toast. Wow. 
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| 8/15/2010 6:24:30 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
ldroftrollops
Bakkafjördur
Iceland
age: 30
|
No...as much as i'm sure you want to be there for her. She's not the only one grieving, and that's personal family time. Let them have those moments without intrusion.
There will come a time when the family leaves and she's left alone to start the healing process on her own. That's her time. If she invites you to share in it, then it's between the two of you. I'd say at that point, you could support her, without intruding on others loss. ...keep your schedule open, if you want to be there for her
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| 8/15/2010 6:24:43 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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crzyblubttrfly
Fort Smith, AR
age: 51
|
I guess what I don't understand is why you don't feel right going. No one likes to go to funerals but you do it to support others. How will you handle hard times with this girl down the road.?? Sorry, but it is going to get even more complicated as she works through her grief.
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| 8/15/2010 6:25:33 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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ladyeden
Waynesville, MO
age: 50
|
I'm curious why you are making this all about you?
Losing a parent is rough. If she should ask it costs you nothing to be of what ever support you can be.
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| 8/15/2010 6:26:12 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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rubyred77
Salix, PA
age: 50
|
As a woman I don't think it's necessary for you to go so soon in the situation. I just went thru the death of my mother and had met someone about a month before online. I really didn't want him there because my focus was on my family and I could hurt his feeling without trying to....just my experience on this!
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| 8/15/2010 6:26:35 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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pacifier69
Cattaraugus, NY
age: 45
|
dude, youve already committed to being there for her by going to the hospital with her. go to the funeral. if nothing else, you will have a trusing friend that will always be there for you now.
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| 8/15/2010 6:26:48 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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donajaii
Lansing, MI
age: 42
|
Been in this situation. I did not go.
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| 8/15/2010 6:27:16 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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cajlg
Callao, VA
age: 49
|
Tell her you would go if she really wants you there.. but you understand that it is a family situation and while you care ,you feel it an inappropriate way to meet her family.
jmho
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| 8/15/2010 6:27:58 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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leftfooted
West Covina, CA
age: 51
|
is planning to go and keeping your mouth shut and going the same thing...
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| 8/15/2010 6:29:05 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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carbonv
Salem, AR
age: 52
|
The question is...has SHE ASKED you to attend?
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| 8/15/2010 6:31:06 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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nomosolo
Saint George, UT
age: 47
|
It sounds to me like she already wants you there. Go.
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| 8/15/2010 6:31:41 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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klassy_klown
Bakersfield, CA
age: 41
|
I would ask her wishes and go with it.
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| 8/15/2010 6:32:08 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
Well Einstein, if you met her here, she is reading this and you're toast. Wow.
With my vocabulary, and lack of scientific thinking abilities, you should have called me Webster.
Actually, Newton, if she reads this, then she'll know exactly how I feel about it and she'll be able to let me know what she wants from me knowing how I truly feel about the whole scenario. I just can't bring it up to her in advance (or could I???) because then I'm "expecting" her to invite me to be there (which I do think she'll do since she wants me there with her tonight as well), and I don't want to be presumptuous. I just want to be prepared in case she does.
Also, Hawking, if she's on DH immediately after the death of her mother,and before the funeral, then... well, I'll let you figure it out! You seem to be quite the well thought out inquaneous genius.
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| 8/15/2010 6:32:42 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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crzyblubttrfly
Fort Smith, AR
age: 51
|
Tell her you would go if she really wants you there.. but you understand that it is a family situation and while you care ,you feel it an inappropriate way to meet her family.
jmho
This I find fair and reasonable.
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| 8/15/2010 6:35:27 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
wttychrm
Arlington, TX
age: 24 online now!
|
If she hasn't ASKED you to go, then it's a moot point. But if she has, then go; the focus is on her and being a FRIEND to her and if she needs a friend that will attend the service with her then be that--who says you have to introduce yourself as her MAN? Don't worry about what everyone thinks; I hardly doubt you'll be the topic of discussion through this grievious period...
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| 8/15/2010 6:35:50 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
I'm curious why you are making this all about you?
It's not about me. It's her family time, and I don't want to intrude on that, but I wanted to know if I should go if she does ask, and if not, how do I tell her that I don't want to go because this is precisely what I just said above?
Sorry, if that wasn't clear.
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| 8/15/2010 6:36:00 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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sweperman
Opdyke, IL
age: 45
|
If you go and things dont work out for you and her,this could backfire on you......damed if you do and damed if you dont ......good luck!
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| 8/15/2010 6:36:06 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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lotusfly0
Longmont, CO
age: 52
|
Offer to escort her, bet she accepts.
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| 8/15/2010 6:37:57 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
wttychrm
Arlington, TX
age: 24 online now!
|
"With my vocabulary, and lack of scientific thinking abilities, you should have called me Webster.
Actually, Newton, if she reads this, then she'll know exactly how I feel about it and she'll be able to let me know what she wants from me knowing how I truly feel about the whole scenario. I just can't bring it up to her in advance (or could I???) because then I'm "expecting" her to invite me to be there (which I do think she'll do since she wants me there with her tonight as well), and I don't want to be presumptuous. I just want to be prepared in case she does.
Also, Hawking, if she's on DH immediately after the death of her mother,and before the funeral, then... well, I'll let you figure it out! You seem to be quite the well thought out inquaneous genius."
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| 8/15/2010 6:39:17 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
Tell her you would go if she really wants you there.. but you understand that it is a family situation and while you care ,you feel it an inappropriate way to meet her family.
jmho
THIS IS EXACTLY THE ANSWER I WAS LOOKING FOR. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!
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| 8/15/2010 6:40:51 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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mercedes01
New South Wales
Australia
age: 48 online now!
|
Well your not on a dating site to date the family,your main concern should be what she wants and take into consideration her childrens feelings foremost
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| 8/15/2010 6:41:09 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
The question is...has SHE ASKED you to attend?
No. I haven't heard from her since it happened and she told me she wanted me there with her. Just preparing.
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| 8/15/2010 6:45:12 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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silvertx
Lubbock, TX
age: 56
|
I get the feeling that this is really a hypothetical situation. But nevertheless. No, I don't think you should plan to attend. Funerals are for family and close friends. That does not mean someone met online a couple of weeks earlier. You can add nothing to the event, other than a certain aura of curiosity. There will be an ample pool of relatives and long duration friends to ease her through the couple of hours the whole funeral might take. Support the lady by sending a nice floral arrangement for the family and a sympathy card to her individually. And lay low for a brief while.
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| 8/15/2010 6:45:33 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
who says you have to introduce yourself as her MAN? Don't worry about what everyone thinks; I hardly doubt you'll be the topic of discussion through this grievious period...
You make an excellent point here. I will keep that in mind if the question comes up.
Thanks for your wisdom.
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| 8/15/2010 6:48:06 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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okmrchris
Hicksville, NY
age: 49
|
If she asks you go. This is her call. If she doesn't ask you don't go. If she doesn't ask you could send a Mass card or flowers. Thats up to you.
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| 8/15/2010 6:50:10 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
I get the feeling that this is really a hypothetical situation. But nevertheless. No, I don't think you should plan to attend. Funerals are for family and close friends. That does not mean someone met online a couple of weeks earlier. You can add nothing to the event, other than a certain aura of curiosity. There will be an ample pool of relatives and long duration friends to ease her through the couple of hours the whole funeral might take. Support the lady by sending a nice floral arrangement for the family and a sympathy card to her individually. And lay low for a brief while.
I wish it were hypothetical.
I like your thoughts here.
GO RAIDERS (class of '94)
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| 8/15/2010 6:53:02 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
age: 51
|
If she hasn't ASKED you to go, then it's a moot point. But if she has, then go; the focus is on her and being a FRIEND to her and if she needs a friend that will attend the service with her then be that--who says you have to introduce yourself as her MAN? Don't worry about what everyone thinks; I hardly doubt you'll be the topic of discussion through this grievious period...
Yep, this is the one.
Right now you are her friend. It's not like you're going to be wearing a flashing neon sign pointing to you as "New Love Interest".
So if she wants you there, and ask her if she does, then just go and be a supportive friend. Like wttychrm says no one is going to be looking at you and wondering what your relationship is. They'll be mourning.
And I don't personally feel that funerals are for family and close friends. Every family funeral I attended, it comforted me and warmed me when the church was full, even if I didn't know them. It meant that the person had touched a lot of lives and it meant that the family had, too.
If it were me, I would appreciate your being there. Especially since obviously we've hit it off so well and you'd already spent some time with me in a hard and sad situation.
[Edited 8/15/2010 6:55:33 PM ]
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| 8/15/2010 6:56:27 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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donajaii
Lansing, MI
age: 42
|
Does he want to be that friend?
Maybe it is best to examine the relationship after this has played out.
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| 8/15/2010 6:58:47 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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broadcaster1
Pacoima, CA
age: 56
|
Well Einstein, if you met her here, she is reading this and you're toast. Wow.
Toast indeed
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| 8/15/2010 6:59:21 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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trish2010
Burley, ID
age: 38
|
Tell her you would go if she really wants you there.. but you understand that it is a family situation and while you care ,you feel it an inappropriate way to meet her family.
jmho
yep going with this one. 
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| 8/15/2010 7:00:54 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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donajaii
Lansing, MI
age: 42
|
Toast indeed
Hello Broady!!!!
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| 8/15/2010 7:09:15 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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carbonv
Salem, AR
age: 52
|
No. I haven't heard from her since it happened and she told me she wanted me there with her. Just preparing.
Then I wouldn't go without her asking me...and IF she DID ask me I would probably tell her I would attend to be there to support her if that is what she wanted, and MIGHT also ask her if she would feel awkward with her family or if it would be any problem with her close family.
Basically I guess mention things like that only for the purpose of being sure she had considered things before asking...giving her an easy way out while still making sure she knows I would be honored to be there to support her during this hard time.
This is assuming you 2 really are making the kind of connection you mentioned earlier.
Just my thoughts
[Edited 8/15/2010 7:10:19 PM ]
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| 8/15/2010 7:20:12 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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sammysgrammie
Grottoes, VA
age: 56
|
No...as much as i'm sure you want to be there for her. She's not the only one grieving, and that's personal family time. Let them have those moments without intrusion.
There will come a time when the family leaves and she's left alone to start the healing process on her own. That's her time. If she invites you to share in it, then it's between the two of you. I'd say at that point, you could support her, without intruding on others loss. ...keep your schedule open, if you want to be there for her
I agree whole heartedly with this post. I lost my mom 2yrs ago on Tues. During the funeral, etc, there was enough family to grieve with. But when I got home, all alone, that's when it was good to have someone to help with the shoulder to lean on. I think she'll need you more then, than during the family's private time.
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| 8/15/2010 7:34:17 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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lakersrock
Springville, UT
age: 43
|
Tell her you would go if she really wants you there.. but you understand that it is a family situation and while you care ,you feel it an inappropriate way to meet her family.
jmho
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| 8/15/2010 7:56:53 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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mischiefmanaged
Bellevue, WA
age: 40
|
*shrug* I think it would be odd for her kids. However, I doubt anyone else would mind. If they do they should get over it. I have met a family members new (to me) love interest at a funeral. Until now I never thought twice about it.
Btw, I have yet to meet any woman who would appreciate any public problem solving like this. No matter how innocent or well meaning.
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| 8/15/2010 8:08:07 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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zipperlynn
Porterville, CA
age: 40
|
Hmmm...
If she asks you to attend, I think I would say yes.
But, I would talk about the potential uncomfortable situations that could arise. I think, I would hang back, let her do the family thing, be there for support when she looks to you...
Afterwards, for who knows how long, is when you as a friend will really be necessary.
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| 8/15/2010 8:22:45 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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tammyc333
Urbandale, IA
age: 44
|
I'd say that hopefully she won't ask you to go. But if she does..and you don't want to go (can't blame you).. you could offer up that you feel honored that she'd want you to attend, but that you couldn't possibly intrude on such a very personal and private moment.
for the record.. I think it would be really bizzare for her to request your attendance. But what do I know. I still think it's strange that she invited you to the hospital.
in the end.. I think you're just going to have to do whatever you feel is appropriate at the time. Good luck!!!
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| 8/15/2010 8:27:44 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
I don't personally feel that funerals are for family and close friends. Every family funeral I attended, it comforted me and warmed me when the church was full, even if I didn't know them. It meant that the person had touched a lot of lives and it meant that the family had, too.
I like your thinking here.
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| 8/15/2010 8:50:50 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
age: 51
|
Yes. I agree. I have seen her at her most vulnerable and sad moments and (relationship speaking, not focused on the real situation thinking) it went well. (Of course, I was not there to win brownie points for being such a good guy; I went there to help a person through an extremely hard situation.) I told her I'd do: I took her a blanket, food, drink; I stayed awake with her all night the first night so she could have some time away (mentally) from the stress at hand; I hugged her, held her hand, and stroked her hair. All this was only motivated by a care for her well being in this time. I was there to support her and help her, as well as I know how. Who knows, perhaps I was only put in her life to help her through this difficult time. I don't think so, and I REALLY hope not - she's such a wonderful woman with such a kind and soft heart, but if that is it, then I did my part so far.
Wow, what an incredibly supportive and kind thing you did. I'd have to think that your doing this, being so supportive, kind of kicks your fledging relationship to a different place. I'd say if she wants you at the funeral, you should go. If she wants you to wait 'til after it's over and see you when she's alone afterwards, then do that. Let her call the shots here but let her know you want to continue to be supportive.
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| 8/15/2010 9:13:10 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
...I would attend to be there to support her if that is what she wanted, and MIGHT also ask her if she would feel awkward with her family or if it would be any problem with her close family. Basically I guess mention things like that only for the purpose of being sure she had considered things before asking...giving her an easy way out while still making sure she knows I would be honored to be there to support her during this hard time.
I really like this advise. So when she calls and asks (which I'm pretty sure she will), then I'll help her make sure she's thought through the ancillary issues she may have to answer. GOOD THOUGHTS.
**********************************************************
I have great news. She just called me. We spoke for the first time today. She's just responsible for making decisions and all, and has been too busy to talk to me. They are keeping the body functioning for organ donation purposes, so she is staying up there tonight too. She DID ask if I could come up there and be with her again. She said she's got to find pictures and burial clothes tomorrow, etc. I'm sure she just hasn't gotten to the point of the funeral yet. When she does, I'll be much better prepared to answer her.
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| 8/15/2010 9:17:15 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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kittykat66
Moosic, PA
age: 43
|
No...as much as i'm sure you want to be there for her. She's not the only one grieving, and that's personal family time. Let them have those moments without intrusion.
There will come a time when the family leaves and she's left alone to start the healing process on her own. That's her time. If she invites you to share in it, then it's between the two of you. I'd say at that point, you could support her, without intruding on others loss. ...keep your schedule open, if you want to be there for her
You took the words out of my mouth... I deal with death almost on a daily basis
(at work)..And so I have to deal with the families and friends too.. this is exactly the advice I give to non family members.
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| 8/15/2010 9:19:41 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
...During the funeral, etc, there was enough family to grieve with. But when I got home, all alone, that's when it was good to have someone to help with the shoulder to lean on. I think she'll need you more then, than during the family's private time.
I like your personal insight here. You are right about that. However, she does have kids who may want her time. I'll just roll with it and let her call the shots. If she wants me at her house afterward, then that's where I'll be. My purpose is to help HER through this time.
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| 8/15/2010 9:21:45 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
|
I deal with death almost on a daily basis (at work)...And so I have to deal with the families and friends too... this is exactly the advice I give to non family members.
Good to know. your experience in this matter is valued.
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| 8/15/2010 9:27:22 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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icuddle
Salem, OR
age: 57
|
Tell her you will go to the funeral with her, to give what support you can, if she wants you to, but you can understand how she might not want you to just yet...in which case you won't; if that is what she prefers. Let her make the decision.
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| 8/16/2010 1:32:07 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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broadcaster1
Pacoima, CA
age: 56
|
Hello Broady!!!!
How are you ?
nice to see you around
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| 8/16/2010 2:15:39 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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northphxhiker
Phoenix, AZ
age: 48
|
let me see, you get to wear black, drink alot, and then there's a possiblity of funeral pity sex...
hmmmm -ok
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| 8/16/2010 2:16:58 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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mercedes01
New South Wales
Australia
age: 48 online now!
|
I reckon black is no more a formality for funerals
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| 8/16/2010 2:18:39 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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broadcaster1
Pacoima, CA
age: 56
|
but it is for the groom on the weddings
Does that say something?
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| 8/16/2010 2:34:47 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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catz0921
North Royalton, OH
age: 51
|
If she hasn't ASKED you to go, then it's a moot point. But if she has, then go; the focus is on her and being a FRIEND to her and if she needs a friend that will attend the service with her then be that--who says you have to introduce yourself as her MAN? Don't worry about what everyone thinks; I hardly doubt you'll be the topic of discussion through this grievious period...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This seems to make alot of sense to me. your just being a friend. if it were me. and I asked (even a brand new friend) I would hope she would come, and hold my hand if necessary.
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| 8/16/2010 6:00:00 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
nothereyoudont
Manaus
Brazil
age: 91
|
OP - Do you want to be her gay, caring friend who she can turn to in times of need?
Go to the funeral and show her how much you care (without even knowing her from a worm in an apple).
Or -
Do you want to get laid?
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| 8/16/2010 6:26:49 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
|
wideglideha
Chico, CA
age: 49
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First,I'm so sorry for her loss.
You played the role of a very good friend.You've done what was right.I know what ever you decide its going to be right.That chick is so lucky to of found a friend like you.God just to of been there for her in this time of need.I'd think you being such a friend for her right now,and continueing being the person you are, is going to strienthen the freindship and what ever comes out of it.I think no matter what you decide, is going to make this lady smile in her pain.
I bet God is keeping a spot open for you at the gates of heaven.
God if i was to lose my mom,it'll kill me and i wouldn't see anyone, even if they were there, i would be worring about my last minutes with her till they covered her.
I don't go to funerals.Even for my loveing mother.I make peace with the people i've lost in my own way.After everyone is gone i show up to say goodbye.....Some reason i don't like people to see me lose control and try and pamper me.
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| 8/16/2010 7:28:49 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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_settee
Flower Mound, TX
age: 57
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Unless you've been around her family before and are in a somewhat steady relationship with this woman, I would think it would be an intrusion for you to attend. Just let her know you will support her after the funeral.
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| 8/16/2010 7:34:29 AM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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pacifier69
Cattaraugus, NY
age: 45
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years ago i had a very new relationship with a woman who was pregnant by a loser who abandoned her. needless to say, she had a miscarriage at the 6 month mark. its was very hard on her. she asked me to go to the funeral with her, and i had not even met her family yet. i felt out of place, but she and her family made me feel comfortable and just being there and supporting her, brought us closer together. i guess it depends on the family. im from the country. most folks around here dont have their nose in the air. they figure, as long as she's happy, then its all good.
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| 8/16/2010 12:30:57 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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bobstoy57
Mooresville, NC
age: 73
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I would ask her wishes and go with it.
Agree
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| 8/16/2010 2:43:55 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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booklet
Troutman, NC
age: 62
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The main point is this lady is in mourning for her mother. Even if you attend the funeral and don't receive ackowledgement or immediate gratification, she will notice your caring attitude.
You were good enough to stay with her at the hospital, don't you think the "family" heard you helped her at that time. Yes, it may not work out long term, but it shows her that you are a gentleman and friend. That count an enormous amount with most women.
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| 8/16/2010 2:53:49 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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ihatepof
Kirkland, WA
age: 40
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Good Lord, NO!!
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| 8/16/2010 2:54:23 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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photoartistguy
Minneapolis, MN
age: 41
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yes
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| 8/16/2010 3:03:24 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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122750again
Deva
Romania
age: 59
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This isn't a typical situation, so please read below.
I met a beautiful, seemingly great woman here on DH 2 weeks ago. We've really hit it off well. We communicate and can talk for hours without realizing the time. We did the IM / email thing a few days, then texted for 3-4 days before talking on the phone. Then one day I go the great idea... why not webcam it. So, we did and we hit it off even better. We decided to see each other in person the next day (to be done on Thursday, 4 days ago). So far everything was going great.
The afternoon of the planned first date, her mother had a stroke. She was quite upset and asked me to come see her at the hospital after her family left (of course I've never met them). I did, and even though it was a horrible situation to meet a person, we still connected - just on a different / deeper level than most people do the first time they meet someone. I stayed with her all night at the hospital offering my support.
Two nights later (last night) I was able to go back to the hospital again and I once again stayed all night with her. She hadn't had very much sleep in three days, so I tried my best to create a situation so she could get some sleep. I left at sunrise. By early afternoon, I received a text telling me that he mother had just passed away.
When helping me with my question, please consider:
No one in her family has met me;
No one in her family even knows I exist;
She has kids (20, 15, 12) who also have never met me;
I am a complete stranger / outsider to her family and do not want to cause any additional stress in the situation;
I will not be a stranger / outsider forever (but we certainly have not planned for me to meet anyone nearly this early);
I really care about this woman and want to help her get through this time in any way I can.
There is a funeral coming up on Wednesday or Thursday, and I have no idea what to do here.
So my questions are:
Should I plan to go to the funeral if she asks me to go?
If not, how do I tell her I don't feel right about going?
If she does ask, should I just keep my mouth shut and go?
Thats a tough question  You really haven't known her that long, and you never had the oportunity to meet her Mother. Personally I would not attend the funeral, But instead go to the viewing, just as a friend, and to show your support and concern for her. If you'd like bring flowers, something small and simple ( Its not required that you do since you didn't know her Mother ) Its merely a sign of respect.
Tough call, but if you really Like this Lady and want to continue to see her, the viewing would be more Appropriate.
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| 8/16/2010 4:16:46 PM |
Complicated: Should I go to the funeral of new love interest's mother. |
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steve418
Celina, TX
age: 42
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let me see, you get to wear black, drink alot, and then there's a possiblity of funeral pity sex...
hmmmm -ok
Although I can understand your thought process, I am not the kind to use a situation to have sex... don't like pity sex, I prefer real sex from someone who truly WANTS to be with me because she cares about me.
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