ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun

3/9/2008 4:10:16 PM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55	My Irish Buddy died unexpectedly this past end of the week and this is for him--and anyone Irish/ or wishes they were even for one day come Monday March 17th...post your Irish humor here--thanks... IRISH HUMOR TIME Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little rat, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight." **************************************** An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk."For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." *********************************** Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.! .." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee!" ************************************ Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" He said, ' I'm beggin' ya Mary, put ! down that damn gun...' ************************************ AND THE BEST FOR LAST.................. ************************************* A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"
3/9/2008 9:06:07 PM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
nichirenlady Anderson, IN age: 50	Sorprano, Thanks for the laughs! I enjoy your jokes. I am not a good joke-teller but I appreciate those who can tell them. Deb
3/9/2008 9:20:02 PM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
hma2 Chico, CA age: 68 online now!	An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."
3/10/2008 5:58:40 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55	great to see some irish humor ...after all it's their month isn't it--again please post some irish humor here, it's free and fun to do so too--hey even put some photo bucket stuff here for others to see too...St Patrick's day as of today is 7 days away--and counting...have fun...sorprano loves the Irish
3/10/2008 7:30:12 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
rmoore Corpus Christi, TX age: 57	Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England. The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out." The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
3/10/2008 7:34:16 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
rmoore Corpus Christi, TX age: 57	An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport. "I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years". "Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American. "I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time". "I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American. "Of course he will," said the Irishman. "Sure, an' I haven't been away at all".
3/10/2008 7:38:33 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
sassysherri Bedford, IN age: 51	lol...very good ones. I was born on St. Patty's Day and have a little irish in my ancestry.
3/10/2008 7:52:46 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
rmoore Corpus Christi, TX age: 57	One more time...I gotta go to work Ron His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman. A young gentleman sitting at a bar with his pet pig asks for a couple of drinks. The confused bartender said no animals were allowed at the bar. The man proceeded to say "Ah, but this is a very special pig. Just last week there was a fire in the house and that pig came charging out of his pen into the house and woke us all up .Then a few days later my son fell into the pool and that pig was grazing out on the lawn, and he came running and jumped into the pool and saved my son. ""Well " said the bartended "I guess this pig is very special so I'll get him a drink. By the way I noticed that he is missing one leg, what happened? " "Well said the young man, when you got a pig this good you don't eat him all at once !!!" * * * * * The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. " "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober." "Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?" "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !" Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk !! Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted. Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?" And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking ." Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're cooking." Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake !!"
3/10/2008 11:11:48 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55	rmoore: some good stuff--are you irish or just enjoy corn beef once a year--
3/10/2008 11:17:07 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
rmoore Corpus Christi, TX age: 57	Full Irish...never put much stock in it though.
3/10/2008 11:26:11 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55	i thought so so i guess i'll have to wait for columbus day for my collection.. [Edited 3/10/2008 11:26:27 AM]
3/15/2008 3:59:13 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55	Can I Buy You a Drink? A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
3/15/2008 4:56:42 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
alaskanbiker Fall River, MA age: 52
3/15/2008 6:19:51 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
poleshift Charlottesville, VA age: 70	Three men are sitting at a bar in a pub. English, French and Irish. Each order a pint. Each one has a fly setting on the head (foam) of the ale. The English, in true fashion, gives his ale a quick puff, and blows the froth and fly out. The Frenchman in a dignified fashion uses his handkerchief and gingerly lifts it out. The Irisman having watched all of this, and fearing the fly consumed a fair amount of his ale. Proceeded to wring his out.
3/15/2008 6:22:14 AM	ST Patrick's Day Humor--post yours here--8 days of fun
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55	now i'm laughing some: what's a day without pole...schitty and that pic Alaska is priceless--

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