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Forums: Writers: "Not my kiddo": A True Tale of an Unfortunate Interupter |
3/11/2008 4:35:16 AM |
"Not my kiddo": A True Tale of an Unfortunate Interupter |
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burnkitty
Fayetteville, AR
age: 32
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I found myself in a Ryan's Steakhouse, on a date with a hottie. Back when I was superficial(and I believe we all are to a certian extent), every girl I dated was measured in relation to Marie Fredriksson. As far as I was concerned, and still am to a point, Marie Fredriksson is the most beautiful woman in existance. Who the hell is she? She was one of the two lead singers of Roxette. The hottest she ever looked in a video was in Wish I Could Fly. No one has ever exceeded her in my world, as far as looks go, and Marie is closing in on fifty years old. The date in question came damn close to her on my superficial meter. This date was going awsome. The conversation exquisite. Everything was perfect until...
Some random close-to-baby child ran up to our table. This tyke had a scowl that I felt our table didn't deserve. Hell, there was no one on that side of the restuarant except me and my date... and IT. This unprovoked child took it upon himself to roughhouse random strangers in the middle of dinner. When I say "strangers", I really mean me, because I was the one he decided to punch in the ribs. Where, oh where, is the mother? There is no one even close to monitoring the situation. That was too bad for me, but it was about to get worse for IT. Me and my date were awestruck, as this miniture unknown assailent proceeded to give us the proverbial dirty look. Who the hell was this dope child? And as if from the fury of all the hells combined ignited from within IT's guts, the child loudly growled at us.
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!", it screamed.
Note:I have no tolerance for arsehole children. I proceed to do the only thing an otherwise civilized person wouldn't do. I roar back my displeasure.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!", I whispered.
The child backed up ever slightly fightened, but quickly regained his former composure. IT ran to a closeby table and grabbed a salt shaker. This short sighted loser decided to retaliate by letting my head catch it. IT scoffed as if to say, "Dear man, you and I have much material to go over before we conclude tonight's festivities."
I could not have agreed more. I hocked a luggie, the size of a small animal of the feline persuation, and expelled the unwanted mass upon his person. IT's forehead, to be more specific. With great pleasure did I watch it stream from there down over his right eye, past his nose, over the edge of his lip. The child-thing was inheritely displeased, as I figured he rightfully should be. I know I'd be pissed if a person I picked a fight with issued justice o' proper. Was I lucky enough to have it at an end there? Oh, no... IT wasn't about to give me the love I so desperatly needed. The love of Leave-Me-The-Hell-Alone. It's a solitary love, but love nonetheless. No, this wingless fly wanted to give me the Kick-Me-In-The-Shin-And-Push-My-Physical-Luck kind of love. At that point, I'd had enough, and stressed this fact by grabbing my glass of ice cold soda, and dowsing him with the entire content therein. I hear club soda takes stains out. I'll have to remember that in the future, since what I used was the good Doctor Pepper. He apparently earned his degree and still can't do laundry. The shock on the hate-child was priceless as a photo of Marie Fredriksson naked, but I'd still take the Marie photo anyday. The child ran away crying. Less than a minute later an nice young lady approached our table and asked...
"Say, um, did my child do anything over here? He... he's all wet. I wondered if you knew how it happened?"
"Oh yes!", I replied. "He came over here, grabbed my glass, and poured it all over himself. Weird really. You shouldn't 'Spare the rod' if you know what I mean."
"Oh... I'm sooo sorry!", and she left. My date had sat silent, shaking her head in a negative fashion. The date was over, and we weren't even done. Well, at least I still have Marie Fredriksson to dream about. Oh, wait... she's married now...
[Edited 3/11/2008 5:37:12 AM]
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3/20/2008 9:50:14 AM |
"Not my kiddo": A True Tale of an Unfortunate Interupter |
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funiegirl
Middle River, MD
age: 55
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GREAT STORY,,,,,,wonder what that kid from hell is doing now lolllll///,,,,,i know ,,,,his mom is on valium ,,,and hes on a,d,d, meds lollll hope life has improved for you ,,,good luck,,,,sherry
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3/27/2008 4:40:18 AM |
"Not my kiddo": A True Tale of an Unfortunate Interupter |
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burnkitty
Fayetteville, AR
age: 32
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Life has defenitly improved since that sad, sad day. Thanks for checking this out Funiegirl. Best of wishes to you.
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