widow_hatingit
Eastlake, OH
age: 59
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No, you're not dooomed, and while an empty house and bed may seem like the worst, trust me, it is not!
I HAD A GREAT marriage for 37 yrs, and over 5 1/2 yrs ago lost him to colon cancer. I hated the lonleyness - and went thru all the emotions - anger is the worst. (For him leaving me - it was a death that could have been prevented).
HOWEVER, we were lucky!! We had far more than many ever had! Just such a good man!
But, back to that empty house - I did find a man who I thought was going to be Mr. Right #2- however, after we got engaged, he became so controling, and then he started lying, and worse. So, he's history - I would rather be alone than with someone with so much drama and such.
Take peace in knowing what u had, was priceless and even tho we aren't looking for someone to fill in our lost mate's shoes (impossible) but a new companion, as they will walk their own path, if it is meant to be, it will happen.
The tears do get alot less, and yes, life goes on. Now I am angry that the man I thought I wanted, couldn't be the man I needed him to be. But - it is his loss, he could have had it all, and didn't know how to hold onto it. (or care to,) as he knew, just thought he could get away with 'his ways' and I would settle, nope, not going to happen. I knew what true love was, and will find it again. Just that empty house isn't so bad now, as it could be worse..... Always the Best, BB
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luvanurse54
Durant, OK
age: 54
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The empty house is terrible and so that is why I find myself on this site trying to find something or someone to fill up that loneliness. The last poster is correct in that once we have had the best it is hard to "settle". That makes it difficult for all of us, the men included, because we are always comparing them. You know what? They will never be able to please us because we have the bar set too high. I was told this by someone I dated for a while and I became very angry at him at the time, but have found as time went by that he was right. Only I, and you, can do anything about that and be honest and diligent in our search. I hope the next time around I am more open and have the capability to love even though he will never be Darrell. Good luck to each of you, and may God keep His hands on you throughout your journey.
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jazzmin1951
Kansas City, MO
age: 57
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Been eleven years since I lost my husband, Larry...WE had 20 wonderful years together.....He was my best friend in the world...he was funny...he was caring...he was a wonderful father and grandfather.
I think of him OFTEN...but differently now than when he first died. The kids and I are constantly sharing funny stories...we talk about him all of the time..so that the grandkids can 'get to know' him also.
I personally find 'comfort' in the bedroom...it's my place of solice...and for some reason when I'm just hybernating in there for no real reason...I feel protected.
I began 'dating' and socializing in the world without him fairly soon...because he and I had gone thru a long and grueling illness...where we were able to actually 'grieve' his death before it happened. He made it VERY clear to me that he would haunt me forever if I sat around in mourning for him when he was gone...he wanted me to get out and live life since we both knew how short it actually is.
It was tough at first...doing things without him...but it got easier and easier. I made sure that all my friends were told right up front that I was NOT going to keep his memory a secret...and if they could not handle that...then it was their problem not mine.
I developed a saying....."You have to build a new FUTURE...in order to have a new PAST"...and I can honestly say...that I have that now.
He will always be with me...I don't have any 'shrines' around...but I know where pictures are if I feel the need to browse them.
It DOES get easier...THANK GOD !!!
Hang in there...
and
God Bless you ALL !!!
[Edited 8/14/2008 11:34:21 AM]
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catsmeow13
Elgin, TX
age: 62
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I lost my best friend and the love of my life- last June to lung cancer. It was fast. I am lonely but keep busy. I met someone I fell for - but he hurt me. Alone is better than the wrong man- or someone who hurts you!
I think about 30 years of happy memories and play with my cats- and hope love will find me again.
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