I'm going to try to be as honest as I can here. I've been around the online dating block a few times, but I've never really been satisfied. So what am I looking for, you ask? Well that's where it gets a little tricky.

Mostly I'm looking for someone I can be comfortable with. You should like: beer, football, terrorizing chain stores, "herbal remedies", twisted humor, action flicks, dark comedies, gadgets, cartoons, cursing, and good home cookin'. Willingness to endure shopping or chick flicks is negotiable. The ability to listen to me talk about meaningless drivel is a HUGE plus. If you tune out the really meaningless parts, I probably won't even notice.

• Things I Don't Like: (there may be more I haven't thought of yet)
• fear - particularly those that interfere with your sense of adventure, like fears of heights, speed, snakes, insects, and other such lame fears that are totally normal...if you're a complete wuss
• clingy-ness - I barely have enough time for my own life. I dig the companionship of dating but if you're going to be high-maintenance, I'm not interested.
• long distance - I'm the kind of person that likes to see my S/O pretty regularly (like every other day, at least). Being two hours away or more just really isn't conducive to that.
• short guys - sorry, just personal preference. I <3 just about any guy over 6' tall.
• dumbasses - I don't need Einstein, but I'm smart and educated, and I'd rather not spend 3/4 of our conversations explaining what I'm talking about. If you've got half a brain and can understand at least 80% of the words in this profile, that should suffice. (Bonus points if you can figure out exactly how many words you'd have to not understand to fall below this requirement.)
• no picture - this really only applies to online dating, but I refuse to get involved with someone without knowing what they look like. If you don't have a picture, please just don't even bother. And while we're on the subject, winks are cute and all, but they'll only get me to respond if your profile looks like something I don't want to miss out on. Actual messages with a little thought behind 'em are better if you want my attention. And I don't respond to random friend requests without previous communication.