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VALENTINES DAY
by schwarzekatz at 2/16/2013 4:26:20 PM
so, i went all out, for my sweety on V Day, mind you all i am a broke student, on a budget set for Prague in about 5 months.. she knows this too. So even getting the gift for her was a hassle. but i manage to accomplish it. I purchase a nice bouquet of pink roses with some semi precious stones from a raw mineral dealer in town, and a rose quarts bracelet, and a light pink rose quarts laughing stone, i put all of it in a velvet black bag attached to the Roses vase, with a card.
A few days before we had a disagreement. we really don't fight and never have. We are the type to have silent wars. but i said something off the cuff with a strong merit of truth that annoyed her. but i thought she got over it, because what i said wasn't really in malice or vicious. it was actually a term of endearment, that she found offensive. so we got over it. but me, with my personality, i can be little obnoxious, i like to joke around and poke fun at seriousness. i feel there is a time for seriousness and there is a time for laughter and fun. So since we where over the seriousness, i made a meme out of what i called her, and i wrote it as a joke in the card.
So we are alone, happy, its romantic, and she reads the card and totally just kills the mood, and squashes my heart, and says, "well you just took it to far" she grits her teeth, and totally like blows off everthing i done for her. MIND YOU SHE DIDNT GET ME A DAMN THING EITHER!!!(wellll, she got me something but it was a total after thought. and i didn't see it as being a very meaningful.) and then she just plays it off, and wants to continue talking to me, like nothing is wrong...
well to make a long story short. i'm feeling awkward and my feelings are butt a** hurt. I am a joker, i like to joke around, when i love you i am playful, and i dont like to take anything serious. that is just how i am, that is part of my personality, and i have a very crude sense of humor as well. We are over it again. but now i am a bit more reserved with my feelings. i know she cares about me, and i her. i was just so disappointed that, we had to disagree over such foolishness. Like we were able to let something so silly drive a wedge between us.
Part of it was miscommunication, but still, the whole situation left me reeling. Like i seen her in a whole new light, and it wasnt very promising. i have always thought her to be so attractive,alluring, and accepting, but it felt as though she was chastising me. and i have had no taste for authority, my entire life. I am kind of a rebel. my philosophy is live, and let live.
So for her to come in and disagree with such a fundamental aspect of my personality was very hurtful. She not only misinterpreted what i said as being hurtful or derogatory, but she considered me, a person to use language in such a way to cut her down. why would i cut somebody i dearly love down? and then as it were,such a trivial matter, she exploited this opportunity it seems to rather "put me in my place with her". She just didn't get over it, and even worse she refused to evolve from it. it was something so silly, and not intended for deeper speculation, that she just totally blew out of proportion. And i mean, seriously right then and there, after i went through all this trouble to apologize,scrounge up my little money and be sweet to her!!!! That just really mad me feel ugly. WE got over it, but i am just blogging about it, because i want to get it out.
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