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What I seek in a gal 1 by stasisbane at 11/7/2009 11:06:53 PM The following is a shortened version of the Relationship Needs Assessment that this user has elected to share. Interdependence Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. Your answer pattens suggest that you tend not to become overly dependent on a romantic partner. People scoring like you are comfortable being singled out for praise and rewards, and their personal identity and independence from others is important to them. Therefore, it seems you need a reasonable level of independence in a relationship. This does not mean that you do not desire to be close with a partner. Indeed, when you feel close to someone, this person often becomes an important part of who you are on the inside and you probably like showing off your “couplehood” in public. However, you do not necessarily need to be constantly “joined at the hip” in order to feel connected and secure in a relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner but who also respects and copes well with the fact that you benefit from a reasonable level of physical and psychological space at times. Intimacy Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do. Self-efficacy Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People like you are characterized by a strong self-esteem, sense of self and sense of accomplishment. Those who know you best would likely describe you as influential, patient and accepting of others – and calm, cool and collected most of the time. You are content with your personal qualities and feel you are an attractive person. Moreover, you probably have a good sense of control over the events in your life and are decisive in managing your life. In this sense, you likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do. Rather, people in your scoring range are quite adaptable and are able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations. Additionally, you are also very influential and persuasive with others. Therefore, it is expected that family, friends and acquaintances often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. You are confident that people who are important in your life understand you, but you also tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. Bottom line: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment. Relationship readiness Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. You seem to be happy and content in your life. This is an excellent foundation for a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They can connect well with others with effective relationship and dating skills, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you appear to be looking for a relationship to complement your life, not to fulfill or “complete” it. You probably have a lot to offer a partner, as long as you do not set unrealistic expectations for that person or the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who is not looking to be taken care of, but rather who is realistic about the hard work it takes to build and maintain a stable and satisfying relationship. Communication Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.