| 7/3/2008 4:41:36 PM |
Got a question for the men |
|
jimirayclapton
Denver, CO
age: 49
|
Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you end up in a situation where you feel like a sucker?
Here's why I bring this up. I met a lady here on DU that is really nice. Very appealing. I've had nice conversations with her through email and more recently phone conversations. We actually met for a beer at a restaurant about a week and a half ago. I felt that twinge that you get when you meet a lady that seems like a keeper. On her profile she states that she is looking for a guy with similar interests as her that wants to get acquainted and see where it goes. Fine. Sounds perfect. She has communicated to me that she feels interest in me as well.
Now here is where I am having a problem. And I want to know if this is just me, or if in general, you think most guys would feel the same way?
After openly telling her that I am really fond of her, and that I don't have any other women on the radar screen, that I would like to dedicate my time to her to see what might come of it. I told her this. I also told her that unless she tells me otherwise, I am running on the assumption that she is doing the same. Dedicating her time to get to know me as well. I figure that would be the time for her to step up to the plate to tell me I'm either moving too fast, or that being friends is as far as it will go, you are "not my type" for a committed relationship, etc.. Well she hasn't told me any of that stuff so I'm thinking over here that this is moving along quite nicely and I am feeling that this is heading in the right direction for once, since I've had some bad experiences in the past on other dating sites. We were supposed to get together last night just to shoot some pool and have a beer or two. She called me to inform me that she has to do an emergency baby-sitting of her grand daughter for her son. So pool and a beer is postponed. No problem I told her. That is more important than our date, so told her there will be other opportunities for us to get together and no problem at all. So later on, I logged on to DH to check out and read the forums where I frequent. I decided to stop at her profile, and now she has new guy "friends" (local guys too) on her profile page. And none of them are me.
I am not the jealous type, I just don't want to be played for a fool. Just would like to think I'm the only "bull in the pasture", so to speak. I know this is a dating site, and that's what people do here, but how would you guys feel about it? You have met the lady personally, and all indications are that you have the exclusive. Now other guys pictures are starting to appear on her profile page as "friends". Not guys that live accross the country a thousand miles away, but guys right here in town. Does that leave you feeling like you might be getting double-dealt? Leave you feeling foolish for thinking that it was one way, and appears to have been a mistake to have thought that way at all?
I'd love to hear what you guys have got to say about this.
JRC
|
| 7/3/2008 5:10:42 PM |
Got a question for the men |
|
clubkid66
Brooklyn, NY
age: 42
|
She is not your woman so don't sweat what she does online, worry about what she does or doesn't do with you. It is not serious what you have with her.
|
| 7/3/2008 5:13:57 PM |
Got a question for the men |
|
jimirayclapton
Denver, CO
age: 49
|
Thanks for your input
|
| 7/8/2008 9:25:08 AM |
Got a question for the men |
|
lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 51
|
a friend list can be just that"friends",also instead of going to the bar you should of said,lets take the kid to Mc Donalds or out for pizza.show her you get along with kids.and that you like doing other things than going to the bar. good luck,JMO.
|
| 7/8/2008 11:43:52 AM |
Got a question for the men |
|
sdcentaur
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 48
|
Ah the dreaded friends list....
All eight of the friends visible on my profile are smart, funny and attractive women. One of them is the lady I've been seeing and she's not the closest (geographically) by any means.
They're in no particular order of "preference" either, just when someone leaves the site or gets added they get shuffled around and I try not to play "favorites" since I have respect for them all.
If your going to get into online dating then you might want to grow a bit thicker skin. First meetings can range from losing interest before the eggrolls get there to instant sparks then loss of "interest" by one or both parties to a lasting relationship.
I've been doing the online dating thing off and on since Match first came online and was a free site. Of any dating site DH is the best I've been on for being able to see what people are about by watching and interacting with them on the forums.
There's a LOT of women I find attractive here but I've already found THE woman here for me.
Now I need to make sure I'm the man she believes me to be.
|
| 7/8/2008 4:47:40 PM |
Got a question for the men |
|
jimirayclapton
Denver, CO
age: 49
|
Okay, here's another question on this same topic.
What purpose does it serve to have a "friends list" in the first place? What is the message that is being conveyed, by adding people's picture to the bottom of your profile page? What is the point of it then? What purpose does it serve other than to confuse? Last time I looked, it said "Date Hookup" not "Friend Hookup". So is it such a stretch to see "friends" posted at the bottom of a profile page and assume that there may be more to it, especially when they are local and of the opposite sex? And what do I give a shit who people's friends are anyway? I really don't. I understand that if a person posts specifically on their profile that they are only looking for pen pals or "FRIENDS", that explains it very nicely. But on a dating site like this I think it lends to confuse in some situations like this one. Just me. IMHO.
I'm not sweating the small stuff anyway. I'm sure she's read through all this by now and has moved on. That's fine. I prefer all cards on the table and know what I'm getting involved in. Is that an unreasonable expectation? I don't care if a lady is dating several guys at a time (like I'm sure many do) as long as I'm made aware of that going into the deal. In this case, there was ONE friend on her list, and after she and I met and started communicating her friends list started growing and my picture wasn't among those so naturally I started thinking that there was more going on than what met the eye. Furthermore, she led me to believe that she had an interest in me but never broached the subject of all her "friends". So I learned something here.
I wish her the best and have to chaulk it up to being another one that really wasn't right for me. Oh well. One will come along sooner or later, and I won't have to explain this stuff to her, that should just be common courtesy anyway in my opinion.
Good luck to everybody and thanks for stopping by and adding your $.02 cents worth.
|
| 7/8/2008 5:23:18 PM |
Got a question for the men |
|
grizz67
Bernville, PA
age: 41
|
I never understood the whole friends list thing either. I just could never bring myself to say no to a request. It really means nothing to me about that list. Honestly though, the only people on my friends list that I requested to be my friend are the guys on my list. The only reason I put guys on my list is so that a woman who visits my profile sees that I have guys as well as women and hopefully they wont judge me by that stupid list. There was one woman I started to communicate with on here that actually made a point of mentioning it to me every time I added someone new. That is the very reason I added men, so they couldn't accuse me of building a harem.
|
| 7/9/2008 3:18:41 PM |
Got a question for the men |
|
smilingbob63
Cuyahoga Falls, OH
age: 45
|
the thing about the friends list is sometimes to see what kind of people you associate yourself with and maybe give a better insite of who you may be. JMO
YOU MAY WANT TO READ THE PROFILE OF THAT PERSON BEFORE YOU ADD THEM TO YOUR LIST
[Edited 7/9/2008 3:20:04 PM PST]
|
| 7/31/2008 3:28:12 PM |
Got a question for the men |
|
mikejames150
South Richmond Hill, NY
age: 20
|
The mistake you're making is devoting yourself to her fully when you guys aren't together. She's checking out her options and you should too.
|
| 8/3/2008 7:16:29 AM |
Got a question for the men |
|
gentlebear1949
Wooster, OH
age: 59
|
Oh the games people play!!!!  
|