| 7/26/2008 10:37:20 AM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 51
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I have been working at a job (with mostly male professionals) for 3 yrs, during that time my husband died. I am mostly happy, upbeat, smile alot and tend to be flirty at times. I was this way before my husband died. He didn't have a problem with it and no one else did either. Now.........it seems that every male thinks I am on the take. I'm not. Its just me. I just don't know how to handle this. Do I just keep to myself or just go on and hope it goes away. Some of my co-workers shy away from me like I have the plaque. These same people never treated me like this when my husband was alive. This is just not normal to me.
D
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| 7/26/2008 8:17:03 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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krazylady
South Lake Tahoe, CA
age: 55
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I am sorry to hear that you are being treated that way. I don't know what it is with people. After I lost my husband this new man showed up at my work and came on like he would be doing me a favor to take me out, like I was the poor lonely widow. Well I showed him. What a jerk. Just because we have lost our mate, doesn't mean that we are on the prowl and another thing is, why should we be treated any different that when our spouse was alive? I am lucky in that my husband and I worked at the same place, so at the time of his death most people knew both of us, so I wasn't treated any different, just by the new jerk, who is no longer works where I work.
But I would say be yourself, don't let anyone make you change. Why should you? Shame on them for treating you that way.
I don't know that my response will really help you, but I just wanted you to know that you do have someone in your corner and I wish you the best.
D...
as I am also one....
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| 7/27/2008 7:42:06 AM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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atlgarn
Longwood, FL
age: 53
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I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It took me almost 2 years to become myself again after the loss of my husband. I've always been upbeat, fun loving and smiling type person, so the difference in my behavior after the sudden loss of my husband was quite apparent. The only advice I can offer is to tell those who are feeling like you are on the make/take is to firmly and with conviction tell them you are not.
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| 7/27/2008 3:05:00 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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luvanurse54
Durant, OK
age: 54
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Sometimes people don't verablize well what they really mean to say. A long time friend made the statement to me once "Now that we're both single lets go out sometime". I told him I was not "single" of my own accord and he would be the last person I would date after that remark. Several years later he told me I took it wrong..he did not mean to insult me and that he was sorry for the incident. He said he only wanted to get me out of the house and in society again. We are friends again, but I never did go out with him. Another just point blank stated "If you get lonely, give me a call". Not much you can misunderstand about that! We have to remember people that haven't gone through what we have don't really know how to talk or act around us anymore. Its hard to make them understand its okay to talk about our loved one and so on....they become uncomfortable around us and it hurts sometimes because this is when we need them the most.
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| 7/27/2008 5:39:23 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 51
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Thank You ladies, It really is comforting that you all are hear for me to talk to.
A little more on the subject: I smiled at a new co-worker whom I respect immensely and he smiled back,there were other co-workers there and they started to give him a hard time. Now he won't even look in my direction. I considered him a friend ONLY. Heck he's married. I lost my husband, I didn't lose my mind. I even considered going to him and telling him they were toying with him and we could get them back at them by telling him that they paid me to do that (which they didn't) and he could go back and tell them that I came clean with him. They would go crazy trying to figure out who paid me. But that is just stirring the pot and since he is just so naive, he probably wouldn't do it anyway. I'll just let things lie for a while and see if it clears up. Men can be so stupid sometimes. Geesh.
Thanks again,
D
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| 7/27/2008 5:41:02 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 51
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Hey nurse, I lived in Denison, Tx where I grew up until 4 yrs ago. Small world isn't it.
D
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| 7/27/2008 6:58:31 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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luvanurse54
Durant, OK
age: 54
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And I have been to El Paso several times to see my uncle who lived there for about 12-15 years, but have lived here all my life. Yes, it is a small world..Denison is just across the Red River in Texas, and I am just across in Oklahoma, for those who don't know. I pray you will find some peace and happiness soon. It gets better with time, it never truly stops hurting though. It just kind of becomes cauterized and the bleeding stops over time. Though there will be times something will happen or someone will say something to bring it all back and the scab gets knocked off and the healing starts all over again. I don't remember if you said how long its been but hang in there and depend on those real friends who love you and will hold you up through this, and the one friend who will stick closer than a brother is the Lord. 
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| 8/10/2008 4:38:58 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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widow_hatingit
Eastlake, OH
age: 59
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Not so much that, as I am self-employed.
But if it had, in the senerio like you detailed - I would've gone up to the guy
after I found out they teased him, and told him that it is a shame people have
to act like nerds huh?? Only a smile and nothing more. Might even be better to
say it in front of one of them, so they get your drift. BB
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| 8/15/2008 1:04:07 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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jazzmin1951
Kansas City, MO
age: 57
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People sometimes just don't know what to say.
When I returned to work after Larry's funeral...I wrote a memo to everyone in my company...thanking them for all of their support during his illness...I ALSO told them to PLEASE remember that he had a 'name'...and it was okay to talk about him !!
That kind of broke the ice so they would not feel uncomfortable around me.
I also 'talked' about him and referred to him in my conversations with others..so they could see that I wasn't going to just come apart at the seams at the mention of his name !
People don't mean to do and say crazy things when in a position like this...it's just that they sometimes don't have a clue because they've not been through it...so I tried really hard to put them at ease.
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| 8/15/2008 1:20:59 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 51
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Jazz-I did the same, in an e-mail to all of my co-workers, letting them know that I appreciated all of the kindness, cards, etc., but as you said....people just don't know what to say.
I do talk about my husband to people, telling them some of our funny life experiences. Since I work mainly around men, I try to hold my feelings when I'm down.
Thank You ladies-this little upset has for the most part "blown over somewhat" and has been a life lesson for me. I'm still gonna smile at people and those who think I am coming on to someone can just "kiss my a$$"
I went to the dr today (I go every 4 months whether I need to or not) and he told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. He's right, I have been. He said it takes time and even tho I am lonely I should take comfort in the fact that my husband is no longer suffering and he is in a better place. I know that to be true and I'll work on trying to heal.
It takes TIME.
D
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| 8/15/2008 1:26:53 PM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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jazzmin1951
Kansas City, MO
age: 57
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You have to build a new FUTURE to have a new PAST....
Sounds to me like you are making progress.
I'm not sure who that person 'everyone' is that tells us it takes about three years to get it together after something like that...but whoever they are...they're right.
I literally walked out of a fog that i didn't even know I'd been in about three years after Larry died !!!
Hang in there !!!
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| 9/16/2008 8:14:25 AM |
Has this ever happened to you? |
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jeep78
Williamstown, VT
age: 56
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Hi all
when i went back to work the guys i work with were great ,but one had to be !*&%?: i can say.
One of my bosses his wife pass away too , so this guy said well she dead sorry for your lost and now you and the boss can go looking for woman together.
Well it took everything in me not to beat the hell out of him, what i did is just walk a way .
I feel numd all the time i like to have one day just to feel good inside.
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