I Just Lost My Grandma

8/14/2008 10:11:41 PM	I Just Lost My Grandma
bethinmi Milford, MI age: 37	I obviously wasn't married to her..but I miss her. Two deaths in three years=very hard. Especially with an f*ed up family.
8/15/2008 10:40:17 AM	I Just Lost My Grandma
jazzmin1951 Kansas City, MO age: 57	I understand how you feel...I SO miss the ones I've lost...I lost my husband in 1998...my Dad in 1999...my brother in law in 2000....ALL at the beginning of each year. Seemed like it was never going to stop! I'm so sorry for your loss.
8/15/2008 11:37:01 AM	I Just Lost My Grandma
bethinmi Milford, MI age: 37	Did it make your family more dysfunctional, with all of those losses? Or did it seem to draw the family closer together? I've heard it can actually draw families closer, after experiencing a loss/es, but that may be only IF the family is willing and/or able to reconcile the differences and talk things out, you know, how the loss has affected certain people in the family, etc. BUT, sadly, I tend to be of the other 'camp,' the one that does not talk things out, at all. My Uncle Rick, my dearest Uncle to me, ever, has described my dad, and, really, my entire immediate family-as 'insular,' meaning, 'keeping everything in the family, not letting anything out, not giving anybody the idea we need any kind of help.' And that's sad, really. Very, very sad. Doesn't help resolve anything, in fact, makes things escalate worse and worse. If not for my faith, I would have nothing today, nothing at all, no leg to stand on, at all, to be able to carry on and live out each day as best I can. I feel in so many ways like a Lone Ranger, but, thank God for these forums, I can see I am not. Two years ago, too, I had been blessed to meet who has become one of my very good friends--online, on a board called GriefNet, a local site here in Michigan, I guess; she lost her mother 6 months before I lost mine, so we have been in touch, ever since. Janine's mother had died of cancer, also. (Not that that's too hard, these days, to find a common bond, there!) Anyways, we have been staying in touch via email and the phone, and we know what each other look like, but we've never met, yet, face to face. Hope to one day, though. Well, best of luck to you Do you pray? Are you a person of faith, at all? I got involved in my local church, as a greeter, handing out bulletins, Sunday mornings, and 'interceding' in the prayer room, lifting up prayers for the congregation and the pastor, and the sick, etc. And the women's small groups are starting up, too, in a few weeks, so, I find that helps me a lot, too. Doesn't fill each and every vacant hour I have, but, it does help, though. Looking forward to more of your posts Be encouraged Elizabeth
8/15/2008 12:37:16 PM	I Just Lost My Grandma
jazzmin1951 Kansas City, MO age: 57	Elizabeth.... When my MOM died back in 1983...It did draw my family closer. things did change but we rallied around one another and hung in there. When my husband died...all hell broke loose. My two step daughters (that I raised)...foster daughter..mother in law...ALL stopped coming around because larry wasn't there anymore...NO one thought about how I was feeling...even my own children stayed away because when they came around all they could do was cry..I literally had to go out and start all over again...making new friends...making a new life...IT WAS AWFUL...but..I do believe it made me a much stronger individual. Sometimes it seems...there is always one person in a family that is like the 'glue' in a book...and when that person is gone...all of the pages fall out...It's kind of creepy sometimes...but everyone has their own way of coping with loss. I'm a naturally strong individual...so even though I sometimes got lonely..and didn't always understand 'why'...I seem to always bounce back from disaster. Time ...has healed some of the mess...but not all of it. It's like I wasn't even a member of his family...which I WAS ...for over 20 years !!! but I figure that's their loss not mine...they are the ones who've missed out on being with my grandkids..and watching them grow into wonderful little people. I am a very spiritual person...not so much 'religious...but I do believe in a higher power...and yes...I pray...or talk...or discuss....or whatever you want to call it. Death is all around us...we ALL begin the death process the day we are born...we can't escape it. It is sad...yes...and yes...we miss the ones who have gone before us...but I personally like to believe that isn't the 'end'. Their presence surrounds me everywhere I go. ANYWAY...hang in there...it does get easier...but even now..I wish I could pick up the phone and have one of those mother/daughter talks with my mom...she's probably the one I miss the most next to Larry. Elizabeth...let me caution you of one thing... Don't let 'grief' become your way of life....let it go...and you will be a much happier person. You should know when it's time...everyone grieves differently...but just be aware if it goes on for what you believe is TOO long. Don't let yourself fall into the category of those who feel that if they aren't 'grieving' they are going to 'forget' !!! Sometimes people get 'stuck' in their grief...and that is such a waste of life. Huggs to you !!! [Edited 8/15/2008 12:42:21 PM]
8/16/2008 9:17:37 AM	I Just Lost My Grandma
bethinmi Milford, MI age: 37	Very good advice, thanks. Especially the last part 'don't let grief become a way of life.' You're right, you're absolutely right. One thing I wanted to know, though, is, is it normal to feel 'compounded' grief, you know, grieving for more than one loss, at a time? I mean, what am I trying to say, here..is it normal to feel grief for more than the person who JUST died, when you've lost more than one person? Because I think that's where I'm at, right now. I mean, I think I've gotten 'over' my mother's death, pretty much; I mean, I miss her, yes, of course, but I think I did my grieving for her before she ever even left this earth, but then later, though, I grieved (and maybe still am) the loss of the relationship I could have had, with her, because my dad had essentially kept me away from her, (he was very controlling and manipulative, and some kind of weird-jealous, or whatever, with her) but now that my Grandmother is gone, too, I might not know where to go with all of this, now. Am I making sense?
8/18/2008 5:06:44 AM	I Just Lost My Grandma
jazzmin1951 Kansas City, MO age: 57	Of COURSE it's normal ! When we experience loss..it dredges up all of the other feelings from losses prior ! When Larry died...I was somewhat 'relieved'...he had been so sick that I almost felt guilty for NOT feeling bad that he was finally out of his pain ...but...then...it hit me that my mom was gone..my dad was in poor health...my kids were all out of the nest...It SEEMED that now..I had NO ONE all of a sudden !!! So...I grieved all of my OTHER losses !!! I finally did though...walk out of that two year 'fog' that everyone talks about...and realized that I was just fine. I literally walked into my home after work one day and felt a strange sense of peace. It was at that time that I took a big sigh and it came to me that now...it was 'all about me'...that I was no ones wife..no ones daughter..no ones 'mommy'....and for the very first time in my life..I could begin on a path of doing things for me..my way...and didn't really have to answer to anyone but...ME and my higher power. Sounds selfish to some I'm sure...but it felt good. My life was finally beginning to move in a positive and forward direction. Exactly what my husband told me that he wanted me to do in our many conversations preceeding his death. I was now on the road to building my new 'past'. Hang in there...from one who knows...it all does get better...and if you just..Let go..and not force your healing to take less time than it needs too...it will all be good ! [Edited 8/18/2008 5:09:35 AM]
9/23/2008 7:40:27 PM	I Just Lost My Grandma
icetee789 Leonard, MI age: 38	I was going to give a few words that may help but jazzmin took the wind out of my sail... great advice! The only thing I could possibly add would be a personal belief of mine which is... we mourn death because we will not see that person we miss for quite a while. You have to remember that it is a rebirth and they have begun a better life. You should be happy for them! Throw them a party! You will see them soon enough. Sorry for your loss and I wish you the best. Keep your chin up!
9/23/2008 8:24:59 PM	I Just Lost My Grandma
vale42 Findlay, OH age: 50	so sorry for your loss and it definately is very hard as i lost my young son at the age of 9 in 1992 and my late hubby in 2006 and my dad in 2006 also,,,
9/23/2008 8:50:20 PM	I Just Lost My Grandma
justacountrygal Maspeth, NY age: 37	Please accept my sincerest sympathy!!! I know what it's like to loose a grandmother... I lost mine almost 10 years ago, and haven't gotten over it yet..... hugs

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