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9/3/2008 8:56:54 AM Feelings of Guilt  
sleeplessnms
Greenville, MS
age: 46


My wife died instantly in a car wreck. She traveled alot for her business and was away from home when it happened. Its only been 4 months, but how do I deal with the feelings of guilt. Guilt that it was my responsability to protect her. If I had made more income maybe she wouldn't have kept that job and wouldn't have traveled alone so much. If I had chosen for her to go in the Expedition (SUV) that morning instead of the mini van, maybe it wouldn't have hurt her so bad.

9/3/2008 11:22:15 AM Feelings of Guilt  

mystic_heart
Stateline, NV
age: 55


Please, the first thing is that I am so sorry for your loss. It is terrible to lose yout spouse, no matter how it happens. Second you need to quit feeling guilty. It wasn't your fault. I know you will have these feelings of guilt and that is normal. But your wife would not of wanted you to feel that way. Everything is so new to you right now, just take one day at a time and remember there are a lot of us here and we all try to give each other support, so just keep reaching out.
Take care and I hope things get easier for you.

9/3/2008 2:38:52 PM Feelings of Guilt  
sleeplessnms
Greenville, MS
age: 46


Thanks Mystic..

I don't allow myself to dwell on those thoughts, but they do come up from time to time.

Isn't it odd that looking back 4 months ago seems like yesterday and yet looking forward 4 months seems like a lifetime from now? Moment by moment.

9/3/2008 5:01:31 PM Feelings of Guilt  

atlgarn
Longwood, FL
age: 53


It truly is sleepless. You will go through a myriad of feelings and please know that it is normal to feel guilt, anger, sadness. Have you tried grief counseling? Many churches offer it as well as many other places. You can look in the phone book under counseling or mental health. Be specific about grief counseling. There are many groups to join that are very helpful. You will be able to talk with people who have experienced the same thing.

I know you know in your head that it isn't your fault, but it's hard to have the heart and brain talk to one another and make sense of it.

I wish you peace in your life transitions.

9/3/2008 5:17:05 PM Feelings of Guilt  

3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 51


Sleepless,I am also very sorry for your loss. Its a normal feeling. I lost my husband 6 months ago to cancer after taking care of him for 10 yrs and sometimes I think, " if only I had taken better care of him". I did take good care of him, but it is just human to be the protector. You will feel guilt, anger, sadness, and plenty of hurt, but it will subside in time. You will never forget. May you find peace in her happy memories she left with you.

Many blessings to you,



9/3/2008 8:54:48 PM Feelings of Guilt  

mystic_heart
Stateline, NV
age: 55


Yes Sleepless, I know what you mean. I think of the time like that also. 14 1/2 months for me, and sometimes it still feels like it was yesterday and like you said to look into the same time frame ahead almost seems impossible to picture.
I hope all the things that have been answered here help. I realize nothing will take away the pain but I do find that I can laugh and not feel guilty anymore.
So take care of yourself and I do really wish you luck in your life.

And 3crosses, I to took care of my husband when we were told he had cancer and I also had the same feelings about if I had taken better care of him. My I know in my heart that I did the best for him and he died at home with me by his side as what was his wish.

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost their loved ones.

9/3/2008 9:46:47 PM Feelings of Guilt  
sleeplessnms
Greenville, MS
age: 46


Thanks to each of you. Others can feel sorry for you, but it takes someone who has been through it to really relate in a way that brings comfort. Sometimes its just that you want to know that somebody out there knows how you feel. That in some strange way provides a bit of comfort. I'm glad I found this sight (or that the Lord lead me here).

Thankyou ladies.

9/3/2008 11:39:01 PM Feelings of Guilt  

mystic_heart
Stateline, NV
age: 55


ah Sleepless, you are so welcome and we are glad that you found this site also. Because I don't think most of us want pity, just understanding and you can find it here.

Take care

9/8/2008 9:37:17 PM Feelings of Guilt  

writeon1
Wilmington, NC
age: 50


As a Christian, just know that there are many times they we do not have the answer. Just know that the Lord left His Holy Spirit here on earth to comfort us in these times. Feel that spirit inside of you. My mother use to say to me, "If your number is called, there is not one doctor on this earth that can save you." If she had been in the SUV, and it was God's will to have her Paradise that day....you may be wondering "what if she had been in the minivan?" God allowed this to happen for a reason. It is hard to swallow, I know. He cares about your feelings though. Jesus wept when Lazarus died. The Lord knows how it feels to grieve. He was God incarnate...and that is how he came to know our feelings. He understands your feelings of guilt, but wants you to feel no guilt. Do not go into the past or the future....stand under the umbrella of God's grace and you will not be rained upon. Be in THIS moment...and know that "He is...." and your wife IS too.....just in a different place and time.

God bless and keep you and yours. To me, these two are hugging....not kissing. I send you a brotherly hug.

9/29/2008 4:50:56 AM Feelings of Guilt  
kslady72
Topeka, KS
age: 72


Hello, All I would like to say is that, is that as a woman of 72 I can tell you no matter how much money you were making some of us ladies like to feel we are contributing to the budget (no matter how little the amount) You sound like a good man and PLEASE don't let guilt get you down. I lost my husband 1 year ago and whenever I start feeling bad I just pray and let the Lord handle it. God bless you and have a wonderful day.
kansaslady72

9/29/2008 8:02:46 AM Feelings of Guilt  

lazymae
Hartselle, AL
age: 60


Sleepless, I understand why you have feelings of guilt, but you should not. I came in and found my husband dead almost a year ago and believe me I have guilt feelings myself even though I know that it was his time to go, as I explained to his great grandchildren his work here on earth was done. Just try to think that your wife's work on earth was finished. I just want to leave a thought with you that a friend said to me several years ago after loosing her husband. She said, "I am left with the blessing of life, it is mine to do with as I choose; I can be miserable or I can be happy. I choose to be happy." I have thought about that so many times and now I have made the choice to be happy. I know that is what my husband would want me to do. Just remember that quote and maybe someday it will help you as it has helped me.

9/29/2008 8:28:25 PM Feelings of Guilt  

luvallnurses
Durant, OK
age: 54


Sleepless did you know it would not matter how your spouse died you would still feel those feelings of guilt? Took several counseling visits at the tune of $125.00 per hour to find that out....

My husband died of a pulmonary embolism....was all my fault don't you know? I should have done this, and I should have done that.

We are not God...we do not have it in our power to change life or death....please please let the guilt go and do not allow it to destroy you. Choose instead to live as she would have wanted you to live...happy! Another great wisdom at the tune of $125.00 per hour! LOL But there is truth to it...we do make the choice to let it go or let it destroy us. Though it is unimaginable right at this moment there is hope and there is happiness down the road. I pray you shall find it soon.



[Edited 9/29/2008 8:29:03 PM]

9/30/2008 10:06:27 AM Feelings of Guilt  

connier
Nampa, ID
age: 60


yes, and it does not make a difference how long you were with the person, the guilt is still there. but it is a natural part of grief. I only knew the boyfriend about a year, and still think I could have done something different and maybe I would still have him. but I also realize that only God can say when it is our time. I believe He puts us where He needs us, when He needs us to be there.
maybe you could do as I have and check with your hospital or the hospice and see if they offer grief counseling, or maybe a church. and we must carry on, one day at a time and do our best to live as we know our loved ones would expect us to. luck to all