A mom, especially a widowed mom, has a responsibility to raise her children first. Theres no reason she can't have a relationship with someone too, but it should be someone her children like. That would be at the top of my list of requirements when dating.
She should not have accepted a proposal or even let the relationship get that far in my opinion. Even after the kids are out of the house, they are still her kids. The problems won't go away. Not a good way to start a marriage.

All that said and done, while a Mother or Dad has obligations, they can not, and should not determine whom the other mate is going to be. Sometimes it is just a phase they are going thru.
They will be gone and a life of their own, and if it is meant to be, it will happen. No rush, take your time.

Good Luck, BB

I was in a relationship exactly like that. My kids were 10, 14, 16, and 17 when their dad died. I met this guy 3 years after he died. The difference is my kids all liked him BUT he lived in a different state. He himself asked the kids how they felt about us getting engaged. They were all for it. I was the one that told him NOTHING could happen till my kids were done with school. My daughter was 13 when we met. He knew we couldnt be "together" till she was done with school and he accepted that. It meant a 5 year wait. He was the one that said my kids came first..BUT......

Well...needless to say we didnt make it. He couldnt handle the wait. 3 months after we broke up..he had another woman living with him. Hes now married to someone else and I am told hes not happy at all.

No...Its doesnt make me happy at all! I feel bad for him. He was a terrific man and was kind and gentle. He made a mistake and told me a lie. I caught him in the lie, asked him about it and he tried again to lie his way out of it. When he finally admitted, begrudgingly, that he lied I asked him for a little space to think a bit. He broke that barrier of trust. He continued to try contactng me and never gave me the time I asked for. He went so far as to ask every member of my family if I found someone else. That made me angry and it hurt because we really loved each other. He continued to try everything he could to make me believe this lie was "no big deal" but it was. he tried to find ways to turn this into my fault. Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. Without trust, you dont have much..jmo.

Finally he gave me a little space..but kept in touch through emails, which I told him was fine. Him asking how I was doing...me asking how he was doing. The emails ALWAYS ended with an "I do love you!" from both of us.

One evening I decided I came to a decision and wanted to get together and talk. I wasnt working at the time so I was able to travel back and forth quite a lot. He happen to be on messanger that evening so I started chatting with him..asking "are you busy?" His reply.."Not to busy..just playing a game with Heather." Heather was the wife of a friend of his that he played Everquest with. I knew Heather so it didnt surprise me when he said this. I said.."Oh ok...Ill wait till your done playing. How is she doing?" He said "shes great...sitting right here next to me." "Huh? Next to you?" "Yes.." he said.."shes living with me." Like it was no big deal.

BTW...I was still wearing his engagement ring at the time.

Oh..and its NOT Heather that he is married to now..its a one night stand that got pregnant. He IS the father of the child and married her for that reason only. Its her third child...all different fathers. He is mild mannered..she is verbally and physically abusive. Sound like a match made in heaven to you? No...it doesnt make me happy..not one bit. But.... I havent seen him in over 4 years..and Im not planning too.