| 9/26/2008 6:51:47 AM |
Different Situation |
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techguy615
White House, TN
age: 38
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Ok. I guess I am going to post this and see what the general consensus is on my situation and get feedback from you guys.
I am 38 years old and have been married for over 13 years. I have 3 kids and my wife and I have agreed that were are going to see other people. This was initially her choice and I really had very little to do with the initial decision. I have since been trying to take things in stride.I decided that instead of being hurt and wallowing in self pity and being depressed about it that I would focus on me. Getting myself into shape (back down to my fighting weight). We still live together and are great friends, but that is about it. This all happened about a year ago.
In the meantime, I am trying to meet other people through work and through mutual friends. Also web sites are nice, but most women look at the situation and back away from me like I have the plague. I admit it is different, but sometimes in life you just have to roll with the hand you were dealt.
I am sure this kind of situation is not uncommon. A lot of people are just cheating on the side and won't admit it to anyone and hide it for years and years from each other.
Is being open about it that wrong? or am I just asking too much?
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| 9/26/2008 7:04:46 AM |
Different Situation |
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debblueeyes
Adamsville, TN
age: 46
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If you're going to live like that...why aren't you divorced? Technically, you're still married..technically you're still cheating on each other.
If you want to live as friends, then get divorced. If the two of you are seeing other ppl, regardless of who wanted it that way, then get divorced.
Open relationships like that, in my opinion, is just that you are together for convenience. If there are children involved all they're going to see for their life maybe that it's all right to get married and see other ppl.
And you wonder why women back off? I would too. You're still married!
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| 9/26/2008 7:11:55 AM |
Different Situation |
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lisaandpj
Clarksville, TN
age: 43
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Yep what she said, Hit the nail on the head. Words were fixen to come out of my mouth. You should get divorced FIRST, then move on. I for one would NOT date anyone in that situation.
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| 9/26/2008 7:30:19 AM |
Different Situation |
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desertlynx
Clarksville, TN
age: 51
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The problem that women see with your situation is that you are still married. You yourself said that you were hurt over the decision. So now you want some woman to date you and possibly become involved with you so that they can be hurt when you go back to your wife.  I for one can not count any more the number of men out there who want “affection and love” from a “good” woman but still want to stay married.
How would to take it if some woman approached you and offered you the same situation that you are trying to offer the women on here. Being honest about it all does not make the chances any better. You are much better off to just go and look for a Friends with benefits. Sorry but most women play with enough fire just getting out there and dating again. Dating a married man is just JUMPING right into the fire.
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| 9/26/2008 7:36:45 AM |
Different Situation |
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debblueeyes
Adamsville, TN
age: 46
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Amen Sister!!!!
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| 9/26/2008 8:26:48 AM |
Different Situation |
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peacefrog71
Covington, TN
age: 37 online now!
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ok i have a question on this subject what if you are not married and are just living togther and have been for 8 years and theres been no sex in 2 years is it alright then if you both agree to see someone else its ok then?
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| 9/26/2008 8:27:49 AM |
Different Situation |
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techguy615
White House, TN
age: 38
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Ok, just wondering what the thoughts on it were. I have been thinking the same thing, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I grew up and went through a divorce during my childhood and I don't want to put my kids through the emotional roller coaster ride.
I guess I am on this one.
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| 9/26/2008 8:52:47 AM |
Different Situation |
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desertlynx
Clarksville, TN
age: 51
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Ok, just wondering what the thoughts on it were. I have been thinking the same thing, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I grew up and went through a divorce during my childhood and I don't want to put my kids through the emotional roller coaster ride.
I guess I am on this one.
My personal experience in this is that the kids are already on an emotional roller coaster ride. When things are not right at home no matter how much you try to keep them from the emotional part of a relationship they still know. I like I am sure so many can tell you as well had the same thoughts. Now that my kids are adults they can tell me different. Got to give you Kudos but maybe it is time to give yourself and your kids some happiness and peace of mind. As long as you both can be adults about this then the kids will never suffer. Just keep being the dad you are now
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| 9/26/2008 9:02:45 AM |
Different Situation |
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techguy615
White House, TN
age: 38
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Actually that is NOT the case. We don't hate each other. We are still friends and do things together as well as apart. There is no roller coaster ride for them. Everything is normal except we have gotten to the point where life is stale, we want conversations with other people. Other interests and other things to talk about.
As for the sex part of the equation, it has been over a year. We are just not involved at that level anymore.
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| 9/26/2008 9:12:24 AM |
Different Situation |
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lisaandpj
Clarksville, TN
age: 43
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I have friends, but i dont live with them. 
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| 9/26/2008 9:32:32 AM |
Different Situation |
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debblueeyes
Adamsville, TN
age: 46
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Peacefrog....
If you've been together for 8, been no sex for 2...and you're really not happy, why are you still there?
Most likely, it's for convenience more than anything. It's easier to just live together than to take a step and get out of it and move on with your life in every aspect.
Especially if you're wanting to see other ppl, then why stay?
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| 9/26/2008 11:22:50 AM |
Different Situation |
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peacefrog71
Covington, TN
age: 37 online now!
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the reason im staying is for my health problems and he knows how to care of me when sick and i still care for him but only as a friend
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| 9/26/2008 2:50:31 PM |
Different Situation |
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mountainman7
Chattanooga, TN
age: 41 online now!
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Speaking from a male viewpoint, I couldn't go through "friends with benefits" with anyone. A good friend of mine, who's legally married, had her own thoughts recently. I said to her, "I refuse to get in the way of your marriage. I like you as a friend very much, but I refuse to be known as the person who ruined your marriage." She tried to convince me it was a "rather complex situation". I'm like, "You've got to get your problems figured out and such." I'll support you as a friend, but I refuse to be intimate with you or anything resembling it. I can tell she's been feeling very lonely. But, I just won't have anything to do with it, period. End of story.
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| 9/26/2008 6:22:40 PM |
Different Situation |
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racecrb
Arlington, TN
age: 33
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Dood, thats jacked up....I'm not even married....had my x girlfriend living with me and my at that time new girlfriend....its not good for you, and not good for whomever your seeing...get the hell out....No woman with any desire to actually be with you would even give you a chance...you could find some one nighters, but thats it...Not to mention I'm sure that would be really jacked up for your children to witness both of you doing this....Someone has got to go...Divorce...sounds to me like your hanging on b/c you still love your wife..Let her go man...it's hard...just do it....If she comes back, get re married and start fresh....talk with each other and figure out what went wrong, and don't make the same issues issues....I could go on and on about this one....GET OUT, SAVE YOURSELF...AND YOUR SANITY....
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